Last night I was doing some searching on the web for possible mountain retreats that we could go to this summer during chemo breaks. The mountains always call to me in the summer months. Our family used to camp in the mountains of Pennsylvania when I was a girl. It was always a state park type scenario, not wilderness. I don't think my Mom could have handled wilderness. We would camp at the seashore too. My searching took me to a page on the Cowan's Gap State Park where we used to camp because I knew they had cabins that could be rented. Looking at the details for the cabins, it became blindingly apparent to me that this is something we can no longer do. The cabins have no indoor plumbing you have to go to a "centrally located" bath house with flushing toilets. There are 2 bunk beds in each cabin. I don't think that's going to work either. Lastly, I know Warren isn't going to have the energy to travel this summer anyway even to stay at an inn. It appears we've waited too long to do this thing. So last night in front of this computer screen another dream came up against our reality. I had to let it go. It wasn't until I actively thought about doing it that I allowed myself to understand that it was no longer possible and to feel the grief of yet another loss. Grief comes in all kinds of packages and finds you when you least expect it.
So this morning I am weepy and will try to keep it from my loving husband, at least until he reads this post.
Today is a busy day of getting our groceries and then getting my Mother's. I'll be on the run until this evening. Being busy is insulation against my feelings but it is also a necessity some days.
Today let the sunshine find its way into my darkness corners and show me the way back to gratitude.
.JPG)
No comments:
Post a Comment