Going through someone else’s accumulation of a lifetime is a chore. The more you were connected to the person the harder it becomes because the things are filled with sentimental value as well as whatever intrinsic value they might also hold. What I’ve discovered in going through Warren’s things is that everything has a story attached to it. Some of the stories I know and they make me smile, but other stories I won’t ever know now and that feels sad to me.
I found some pictures of him yesterday that look as if they were done for a passport or a badge. They were taken in his early 40’s before he and I got together. He looked unhappy to me and unloved. I thought I don’t know the man in that picture.
He was 48 when we married and I was 35 so he had an entire lifetime that did not include me. He’d traveled the whole world many times over in his work with NASA, helping to establish the ground satellite tracking stations long before the era of the Tracking and Data Relay Satellite System (TDRSS) made them obsolete. I am jealous of that time and wish it had been mine as well.
Today I came across a lock of his baby hair his Mother cut when he was a year old. Touching that red gold softness I am undone.
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Hugs Cheryl...
ReplyDeleteHugs from me too. Words fail me as they have before.
ReplyDeleteTerri and I are sitting here reading your blog and at a total loss for words...so we'll send our love and hugs your way. You have such a gift for words...your words tell your story and draw others into your life, your feelings and your love..if you ever write a book, I'll be first in line to buy it...you have SO much to share with others. I love you.
ReplyDeleteThank you ladies. Have you noticed how the men have stopped commenting? A little too emotional perhaps?
ReplyDeleteDorene, my book will be $24.99 U.S. and $30.00 Canadian. I will even sign the book for you lol.
I recently heard a man say, about a woman who was widowed 2 years ago, "I'm sure she's over it by now." I didn't contradict him. Men must feel things as deeply as we do, but they mostly don't have permission to cry or vent. Nor do they feel it is ok to drift. They are told they must DO things. And so they do. When Tom was sick, men offered advice and women offered love, an ear, a hug, etc.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right Bennett. I think they have the most problem with a woman who is crying or in some sort of emotional thing. They want to help by offering suggestions that will "fix" the problem.
ReplyDeletethe things that seem the most emotional would to me be the things that others would deem the most benign. i would give examples of my own life but i dont want to make you sadder in case they hit too close to home for you.
ReplyDeleteMen totally hate it when women cry or at least that is my experience. Especially if we are fussing at them about something like the catbox or their eating habits.
ReplyDeleteWhat a deal (heck, I'll even pay in Canadian $'s if you want )....I'll pose as your editor if you'd like...I'm sure the guys are just on "vacation"...you're so authentic and genuine..probably why people can relate to you and love to read what you write.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if hoarding things (like papers from a long lost time) are a non-journalers way of journaling and holding onto memories. I hadn't thought of that til now - but it makes sense.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is beautiful, Cheryl.
Dorene, if you keep talking like that I'm going to think I have a book deal. Thanks sweetie.
ReplyDeleteKristin, that is very insightful. I'll be that has a lot to do with it. If you hold on to all the little details of your life, it is like holding onto all the memories that go along with it.