Thursday, July 10, 2008
Just So You Know - 7/10/08
Just so you know, I am not crying all day everyday. Some days I'm quite content. Some days I'm moving furniture around until I have to take tylenol and put my feet up. Yesterday I finished shredding the last of the extraneous paper that my husband had saved for his whole life. It was like an archaeological dig going back through the layers of his and my life together and then back to even earlier times, which we used to call BC (before Cheryl). I'm just praying to God that he doesn't have more stashes of things that need to be shredded packed away in his garage. That chore will have to wait until the Granddaughter goes back to school. Right now I'm focussed on making the house fit my needs since I no longer have to compromise; I've decided to make this place my sanctuary.
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That is very good to know. Somehow I felt that you would still be you, enjoying what there is to be enjoyed, grieving when the grief came. A measure of both, each in time.
ReplyDeleteWhen I can't find the humor in even the sad times, please feel free to close the lid on me.
ReplyDeleteI would never close the lid on you, Dear Heart....that's what friends are for!
ReplyDeleteI might make a bawdy joke and see if you laughed.
ReplyDeleteJerene, I guess its my friends job to nail it shut after its closed too lol.
ReplyDeleteBennett I might just laugh.
Sounds busy. I'd think all that physical work would help work out some of the stuff on the inside, too. i love cleaning out stuff - it makes me feel so good i can get a little neurotic about it.
ReplyDeleteKristin, the physical activity does help work off some of the emotional tension. I'm sure I'm pretty neurotic right now as well, the way I'm tossing and getting rid of stuff left and right. I have the Salvation Army coming on the 22nd to take a lot of furniture away that I no longer want or have room for.
ReplyDeleteoooh, see i'm drooling now..salvation army coming right to your door. it's so exciting! all the things i could get rid of..
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like an lovely idea. If one's home is not their sanctuary then then I'd like to know a better place.
ReplyDeleteI am a hermit and my home is sacred and a sanctuary as well.
Right now even if you did cry every day there isn't a person in this world that would fault you for it.
I am glad that you are keeping busy because I think that is good for your recovery.
The thing you said about crying every day reminded me of something that happened to me the day after my father died.
I was twelve years old and we'd gone for the first time to visit our friends across the street( Since the worst day of my life). It was a hot summer day and I was having a popsickle when the juice got caught in my throat and it caused my eyes to tear up.
One of the children that we had gone to visit asked if I had been crying.
I was mortified. Especially when the child didn't believe me and thought I had been crying.
I think I probably ended up running home crying.
People can be pretty insensitive with out meaning to be.
What ever you do for yourself right now is perfectly acceptable and too bad if anyone else doesn't like it.
Ta.
Erika
You have earned that privilege Cheryl. I wished I could be there to help you shred and sort and reorganize. And decorate.
ReplyDeleteThanks Patti and Erika.
ReplyDeleteAny time Kiddo.
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave and gracious and open with your feelings.I don't know if I could be as gracious as you under the same circumstances but I hope I would be.
You are a benefit to all those going through difficult times of their own.
Talk to you soon I hope.
Ta.
Erika..
Thank you Erika. If my experience can help someone else who has to walk this path of loss, then I share it willingly. It helps me to write about it. I wanted to stay present and experience this fully. His death was another part of our life together and I couldn't turn away.
ReplyDelete