At Two Months - 7/21/08

I couldn't sleep last night, something kept waking me up.  I can't blame cats this time as they've all gone back home.  I only got the barest glimpse of a presence one time so I'm not sure what it was that kept waking me.  At 3:00 I gave up and got up for awhile.  I realized that it was about this time of night 2 months ago that Warren was making his transition so I said a prayer for his soul to be at peace (and I know that it is) and also for my soul to be at peace with this new life.  I sat up until about 4:10 and then when back to bed.  I was able to sleep then and didn't crawl out of bed this morning until almost noon.

Life is moving on I suppose.  Yesterday Hospice had a memorial service for the patients in their care who died during April and May.  I had said I would go, but I felt so much resistance to it yesterday morning I decided not to.   The kids came over around 4:00 and we took Megan out for a belated birthday dinner and then came back here for ice cream cake.  Then we watched the movie "Independence Day" after Dave got my VCR straightened out.  It was making funny noises after the TV repair guys brought the TV back last week.  I've started watching movies again as they are a great distraction and usually much better fare than the broadcast networks are providing at the moment.  I've thought about joining Netflix but haven't done anything about that yet.  So this is a time when I get to decide what I want to do, and when I want to do it. I get this catalog in the mail sometimes called "Soft Surroundings" and on every other page they've got the words "My Time, My Place, My Self".  I think that will be my new mantra for awhile.  My whole life has been about taking care of other people; now I have to learn to take care of myself, learn how to be just myself and not Cheryl wife of, or mother of, or daughter of.  Is this a developmental stage that most women go through given the time and circumstance?  I suspect this is so.

Tomorrow the Salvation Army is coming to take away a lot of big furniture that I wanted to be gone.  Right now most of it is in the middle of the living room ready to go.  Furniture and its placement was always a bone of contention between Warren and myself.  He was all about how something functioned and I (according to him anyway LOL) was all about how it looked.  I could never quite convince him that you could have it both ways.  So the pieces that are going are arguments that I lost over the years.  Most of it should never have moved here when we sold our house.  Its interesting now that I don't have to compromise, I find myself being more thoughtful about the changes I want to make.  So I'm letting go of things and then I'll see if there is another furniture purge required.   I think what needs to happen after this furniture is gone, is that the main rooms that are all open to each other, the living room, sun room and dining room need to be painted.  Then I need to order my new bookcases and they'll go in the sun room where the sofa is at the moment. 

When we were coming in last night from dinner a neighbor man stopped me just as we were getting on the elevator.  I told the kids to go on up and I stayed to talk to him.  He just wanted to let me know he'd heard about Warren and wanted to see how I was doing.  He is a nurse and does work for hospice as well.  Anyway when I got back upstairs, my son says "So when is your date?"  I had to laugh.  No date people, that particular gentleman is of a different persuasion.