I Don't Want to Say This - 1/30/07

We went back to NIH today to get the results of the PET scan and the CT scan. We were up at 5:00 to get ready as his CT scan was scheduled for 8:20 a.m. The visit with the doctors wasn't scheduled until 11:00. By the time they saw us it was 12:30. I began to sense that something might be amiss. Things seemed to be happening out of sequence. We didn't see the physician's assistant first. As it turns out there was a reason. It turns out the test results weren't good. The two tumors have both grown slightly and show up as more active. There is also some new activity in the neck again. This is not good news. First off it means he's out of this study because they won't continue with this drug if the tumors grow. Then of course its the oh *&"#@ the cancer is growing again! They have two more studies (drugs) that they will probably consider him for and we'll go back to see the oncology team in 2 weeks. We're already scheduled to see the ENT team on Monday so we'll see what they have to say as well.

When I got up this morning I was very dizzy. As long as I didn't lean my head too far forward or backward I could function, but it was an odd sensation. I wonder now if I wasn't picking up this "bad news energy". I said to Warren before we saw the doctors that maybe there was a problem with the results and that was why they were keeping us waiting. After we left there he said "Did you know about this?" To be honest I have a hard time reading him. He's just too close you know, but I've had some concerns because he's started having sweats which he's never had before. Also it always seems to be this time of year when his cancer re-occurs; the dreaded late January, February time frame.

When we got home this afternoon I decided to take a nap. I got in bed at 3:30 and work up at 7:00. Then I couldn't tell if it was a.m. or p.m. I didn't expect to sleep that long, but apparently I needed it.

So here we are again in this space. I think he'll be back in one protocol or another soon. This has certainly been a hard path to walk; but we'll walk it together where ever it goes.