The New Normal - 1/31/07

It always amazes me how quickly things can return to "normal" around here; or is it just that life goes on and the logistics of it are unrelenting? Today we hung a shelf with a quilt hanging rod up in the guest room. Then we went to the post office and Target. Warren's new favorite dinner is chicken quesadillias and I was tired of frying them in a pan, so I sprung for the $20 to get a quesadillia maker. I've always been a sucker for small kitchen appliances. After that we went for groceries and then came home for lunch. I had to go out again at 4:00 to get my haircut. I will have to start dinner before too long, but since we didn't have lunch until 3:00 again, I guess there is no rush.

The weatherman is calling for snow tomorrow and then sleet/freezing rain for Friday morning so I wanted to get all of our running around done today.

Tonight I will have to call my Mother and give her our news. She always takes these things hard, but she'll ask what the results were and I can't lie to her.

We have to keep our perspective here. The amount of disease that he has, even with the growth, is still very small. Even without treatment he has time. I'm sure they will be finding a new treatment for him at NIH because basically he is one of their healthier patients and he is a willing participant in their studies. Who knows, maybe the next protocol won't involve going to the hospital twice a week. Maybe it can be once or twice a month which would be a big improvement in our quality of life. Yesterday we felt like we were sucker-punched. Today we are on a more even keel.

Have a great evening and remember to be grateful for you health.

I Don't Want to Say This - 1/30/07

We went back to NIH today to get the results of the PET scan and the CT scan. We were up at 5:00 to get ready as his CT scan was scheduled for 8:20 a.m. The visit with the doctors wasn't scheduled until 11:00. By the time they saw us it was 12:30. I began to sense that something might be amiss. Things seemed to be happening out of sequence. We didn't see the physician's assistant first. As it turns out there was a reason. It turns out the test results weren't good. The two tumors have both grown slightly and show up as more active. There is also some new activity in the neck again. This is not good news. First off it means he's out of this study because they won't continue with this drug if the tumors grow. Then of course its the oh *&"#@ the cancer is growing again! They have two more studies (drugs) that they will probably consider him for and we'll go back to see the oncology team in 2 weeks. We're already scheduled to see the ENT team on Monday so we'll see what they have to say as well.

When I got up this morning I was very dizzy. As long as I didn't lean my head too far forward or backward I could function, but it was an odd sensation. I wonder now if I wasn't picking up this "bad news energy". I said to Warren before we saw the doctors that maybe there was a problem with the results and that was why they were keeping us waiting. After we left there he said "Did you know about this?" To be honest I have a hard time reading him. He's just too close you know, but I've had some concerns because he's started having sweats which he's never had before. Also it always seems to be this time of year when his cancer re-occurs; the dreaded late January, February time frame.

When we got home this afternoon I decided to take a nap. I got in bed at 3:30 and work up at 7:00. Then I couldn't tell if it was a.m. or p.m. I didn't expect to sleep that long, but apparently I needed it.

So here we are again in this space. I think he'll be back in one protocol or another soon. This has certainly been a hard path to walk; but we'll walk it together where ever it goes.

Turning on My Observer - 1/29/07 Monday

Yesterday I told someone that I would turn on my "observer" and see what the universe brought me to see. When you choose to stand back and watch what you and others are doing it can be quite entertaining. The first thing I caught myself doing was reacting to my husband's process, yet again. I've been intending that I would stop that, and so I was able to pull back and allow him to do things in his own way. I offered my help and when I could see him offering resistance, I simply backed away, but not with anger this time, with love. (I need to learn how to stay in this space!)

The next thing the universe offered me was a new word for my vocabulary. I was browsing the web news last evening and read a story about Kevin Bacon and the 6 degrees joke. The joke says that you can connect any actor in the world to Kevin Bacon in six steps. I think you can probably connect anything to anything else in six steps. Mr. Bacon himself thought the joke would die out by now; "I thought it was definitely going to go the way of eight-track cassettes and pet rocks. But it's a concept that has sort of hung around in the Zeitgeist..." Well to shorten this already too long story, my learning was the word "zeitgeist". I'd never come across it before. Its a German expression that means "the spirit (geist) of the time (Zeit). The spirit of the time. That brings up a whole new idea to consider doesn't it? What is the spirit of the times now? Is it different for everyone or is it something outside of individuals and really is part of our common culture? It is defined as the "ethos of a cohort of people that spans one or more generations, who despite their diverse age and socio-economic background experience a certain worldview". I can't seem to wrap my mind around what our common world view might be today.

This morning my husband and I made a run to a thrift store to drop off some clothing for a donation and did some other errands. On the way home we decided to stop by Taco Bell to pick up something for lunch. We were sitting in a long line at the drive-thru and there was a strange young man standing outside the building acting in a bizarre way. Let me set the stage. It is very cold here today and windy so the wind chill is probably in the low 20's. He is dressed in layers (many layers by the look). He has on knee pads, elbow pads and a helmet. There is a bike next to him. He is leaning back oddly and appears to be talking to someone that I can't see. He appears to be agreeing with this invisible companion. He does not have the focused look of one just talking on his bluetooth headset. His gaze is looking all around and smiling and half waving. He kneels down and appears to be pouring liquid on the ground from his plastic soda cup. When he picks up what he's been working on on the ground its a backpack with a green alien stuffed doll attached to the back. Was he offering a drink to ET? I say to my husband, "that young man has a real hard time fitting in with the main stream". I thought his manner was so outrageous that perhaps it was all an act. Could he have been a reporter doing a story on schizophrenia? I thought that "poor soul". What I noticed was that I would have been loathe to get out of the car to speak to him to see if he needed anything. I saw how my fear holds me back from truly being open to people in need. OK, universe, I don't think I like that about myself. How do you strike the balance between being open and helpful and not undermining your own safety? I know, I know....safety is an illusion, but I'm having some trouble dissuading myself of it right now.

I'm afraid that once the "observer" is turned on you can't turn it off again. Pandora had nothing on this guy. LOL

Stay warm, may the universe send you all the resources you require.

Entry for Sunday, January 28, 2007 - 410?

I had to email the Beta Feedback Team with Yahoo again this morning. My counter says that I've had 410 page views for the week.....I'm sorry, but I just don't believe that can be true. I'm sure there are only about 25 people tops that ever look at my page on a consistent schedule and I'm pretty sure they don't spend their whole day logging in and out of my blog page. I know I'm right about this or I would get comments from strangers and I never do. I get comments from friends who have created their own blank yahoo account just for that purpose. I understand why my Government friends can not do that. I began this blog to keep friends and family up to date with me after I retired and it still serves that purpose. It also provides me with an avenue to write, and to express myself more creatively than is possible in my daily life right now. It gives me connection to the outside world and I've come to realize that connection is important to me.

I have no where to go and not much to do today. Isn't that wonderful? Yesterday I went to visit my Mother and get her groceries. I took the last of the cabbage rolls from the freezer for us to have for dinner and a couple of pieces of cheesecake for dessert. I made the cheesecake one evening this week. For dinner tonight I think we'll just clean up the left-overs in the refrigerator. I used to call that "Mustgo night" when the kids were still at home. It stands for everything in the refrigerator must go! It makes for some strange meals sometimes; "combinations Mother Nature never intended" so to speak. As long as it keeps body and soul together, that's all that matters. I'm trying to fight the impulse to do more cooking today. Every time it gets cold and rainy/snowy (dark), I want to make soup or spend the day in the kitchen next to the stove, but I don't want to end up with too much stuff in the frig when there is just the two of us noshing on it.

I'll do a few loads of laundry, perhaps find a book or do a period of meditation. I get to choose!

So to my 25 real viewers and my 385 imaginary friends, have a great Sunday!

Entry for Friday, January 26, 2007 - End of Cycle 8, Week 4

We finished up another 8 week cycle of chemo today. Warren had a PET scan in the morning and chemo in the afternoon. Tuesday he has a CT scan scheduled for 8:20 a.m., then we'll go to clinic and get the results of the scans. He also is seeing the pain specialist that morning for his arm pain. Even if he doesn't have any pain when he goes in there, he will when he comes out trust me! That doctor is sticking needles into muscle knots until they twitch. Don't you want to twitch just thinking about that? After clinic is over we'll be on a chemo break for two weeks (yea!). As luck would have it, we'll have to go to NIH on the following Monday (2/5) for an ENT visit.

So ex co-workers how about dropping me a line via email from time to time?

Have a lovely evening.

Women's Retreat Part 3 - 1/25/07

Found

On Saturday night I dreamed I was at a gas station and had driven 2 cars up to the pumps to fill with gasoline. They were not even my cars and I realized that it wasn’t my job to fill them so I just left them there. Was this dream another mirror? I don’t have to take care of everyone else’s problems? It sure had that feel to it.

One of Saturday’s activities I forgot to mention was the drawing of a Goddess card. We were supposed to ask for a guide or an ally to help us through the weekend and then draw a Goddess card from a basket (without looking at the cards as we reached in). I drew Morgan le Fay. I’m going to type in the description on the back of the card so that you can see how well this card lined up with my intentions for the weekend.

“Morgan le Fay is commonly remembered as the enchantress half-sister of King Arthur. She is, in fact, the great queen goddess, ruler of the mystical island of Avalon, the Fortunate Island of the Blessed Dead. Sometimes equated with the ancient Irish warrior goddess Morrigan, she is the Celtic death goddess. As Morgana Fata she is the controller of destinies and knows the fate of each person. She is noted for her healing powers, her knowledge of healing plants, and her prophetic vision. Like a shaman she is a shape-shifter, able to take on many forms. Morgan le Fay represents that deep place of healing magic within each of us – the center where wisdom and healing flow even in the moment of death. The ambivalence with which she is traditionally represented echoes our own fear of her deep and ancient wisdom.”

I was up at 6:30 a.m. on Sunday morning so that I could plug in the coffee pots. I had to keep plugging and unplugging the decaf pot because it would perk once or twice and then think it was done. Eventually I gave up and found a small drip pot for the decaf. I also started the set up for breakfast and watched the sun come up through the expansive picture windows. Snow is expected later that afternoon and in fact there are flurries before breakfast.

We have a group meditation starting at 7:30 to the CD Shamanic Dream (more drums and tribal sounds). I was first exposed to that CD in a woman’s group that I was in several years ago. I still sometimes use that CD at home for meditation.

After breakfast we listened to some high-intensity sound. To be honest, I’m not quite sure what that is supposed to do for/to you; but, I experienced it as sensing a vibration in my throat and heart chakra. I felt as if I was in a sea of energy and I remember thinking “show me those most in need”. I got the response “they are not yet yours; your time has not yet come.” After that I started feeling these waves of gratitude for all of the wonderful new people I got to meet there.

Our final exercise before lunch and departure involved writing down the essential elements that we wished to be birthed in our lives and then what would we have to let go of in our lives to bring that into reality. We wrote the things that we needed to let go of on paper which were collected and ceremoniously placed in the fire and burned away. Then on a small piece of paper we wrote two words that represented what we were calling forth into our lives at this time. I wrote intuition and clairaudience. We were next told that we would one at a time say “I am calling forth (what we wrote) into my life.” Oops, if I had known we’d have to say it aloud I probably wouldn’t have written those two words down. I thought about making up some other words to say, but then I thought, “If I can’t say these words out loud, how can I ever own them or expect them to come to me?” So when my turn came I stood up and said “I call forth intuition and clairaudience into my life at this time.” A leap of faith for me and a small act of bravery as well.

During lunch it started snowing in earnest. I got on the road about 2:00 p.m. and the roads were very icy already. I ended the journey much like I started it by taking a wrong turn onto Shakespeare Blvd. Once I got on Rt. 355, I thought I was heading the wrong way so I turned around only to find out I had been going the right way to begin with. I heard on the radio that Rt. 29 was closed at the beltway due to accidents, so I thought I would take Randolph Road to Rt. 29. I was in the left lane when Rt. 355 split off to the right so now I was on Viers Mill Road. At least this is familiar. I grew up driving on Viers Mill so that felt all right. However, the roads were deteriorating by the minute. There were accidents everywhere. I was in 2^nd gear and driving slow. By the time I got to Randolph Road and came across very steep hills my car started to move sideways. I slid off the road once and decided that I couldn’t stay there or someone would run into me. So I crept out in traffic again and in first gear inched along. About half way home I remembered that I had 4-wheel drive! So I put it in 4-wheel. Once I crossed Rt. 650 the roads had been salted and plowed once, so the going was a little safer. Rt. 29 was slick in spots and Rt. 32 was almost up to speed. It took me 2-1/2 hours to get home. As soon as I got safely in my garage, I thanked God, the angels, the saints, my guides and protectors. Sunday night I slept for 14 hours (an all time personal best!).

That night I dreamed I was building a new home and there was another dream that included an infant (new life). All in all, an auspicious beginning for the next phase of my life.

Women's Retreat Part 2 - 1/24/07

Entering the Silence

In yesterday's installment I wrote about the difficulties I had finding the retreat center. In retrospect the *being lost* seems allegorical. I realized at the beginning of this year that I didn't know who I was anymore. Most of the ways I used to define myself and my place in the world have ended or changed. I am reminded of the following quote from Dante Alighieri's "Divine Comedy" c. 1313.

Midway upon the journey of my life
I found myself in a dark wood,
where the right way was lost.

On Saturday, we opened the morning with stretching and some yoga. Next we did silent introductions where you stand in front of someone and look into their eyes and really see them and then they do the same for you. I must confess that I was never quite sure when I was seeing and when I was being seen, but I seemed to pick up a lot of information about the people that I met in that way. Later in the morning we did paired interviews. Each person in the pair had a turn to interview the other with the following two questions:

1. Describe a high point in your life history where you felt energized, happy and fulfilled. What were you doing? Who were you with? What did you value about yourself? - For this question I chose the time when Warren and I first got together.

2. What are you feeling called to birth in your life now? - I talked about feeling called to do some sort of healing work, about the healing journey we've been on, using reiki and medical intuition. I want to explore possibilities and be open to what shows up in this area.

We then joined into groups of 6 and introduced the person we interviewed to the rest of the group. I found it difficult to listen to "my story" being told by someone else. I never did like being in the spot light (but oddly enough I do like being the center of attention...what's up with that?).

After lunch we had a silent period for 2 and 1/2 hours. We were encouraged to walk on the property, journal, or do any activity to help us focus inward. I took a walk outside. It was very cold and windy, but the land felt surprisingly quiet and peaceful. This retreat center is on over 200 acres of land that has belonged to the Church of the Savior for over 50 years. They do not have a central church, rather their congregants agree to participate in missions to help the poorest of the poor. This center is dedicated to the ravaged earth. The land has been prayed on for 50 years which is why it felt so good. The earth gave back the nourishment that it had received.

I've always been intrigued with the idea of a silent retreat. I did notice that about half way through it I began to get antsy and kept looking at my watch, but then I picked up my journal and was fine again. An interesting experience.

After dinner we did something called Trance Dancing. Tribal societies have used drumming and extended dancing to enter alternative states of consciousness for millenia. The idea was to close your eyes and dance for 45 minutes to very loud tribal music, to just allow your body to take over and move as it wants to. OK, so I couldn't stand and dance with my eyes closed for 5 minutes much less 45 minutes, so I was allowed to sit and move my body to the music. I can't say whether I entered an altered state or not. At one point my neck began to hurt and I saw in front of me a skull with attached spinal column. One of the vertebrae was sticking out a little in the neck so I reached up and pushed it back into place. Then my neck felt better. Weird huh?

And with that, Saturday ended and so does this blog. Tomorrow I'll give you Sunday and my journey back home. Every labyrinth spirals in and then spirals back out again.

Women's Retreat Part I - 1/23/07

Lost

Where to begin, but at the beginning. When I left home early Friday evening (about 5:00 p.m.) I thought I'd arrive at my destination by 5:30 or 5:45. I had printed out detailed driving directions from Mapquest and felt confident that I would have no problems . The first part of the trip went well. I was in familiar territory; traveled back in my young adulthood. Where it proved problematic was when Brink Road took an unexpected split (which I apparently missed). I should have reached the next turn-off within 4 miles. After 9 miles I decided to double back and realized what I had done. I was no longer on Brink Rd., but on Goshen Rd. instead. When I got back to the split I turned back onto Brink Rd. apparently going in the wrong direction yet again. Eventually I ran into Rt. 27 which I knew would take me to Rt. 355 which would get me to my destination. Unfortunately I took a wrong turn on Rt. 27 and had to make an immediate u-turn. After I got onto Rt. 355 I gave up and called Warren to look at the map so that I would head in the right direction on Rt. 355. With his help I quickly found my next target which was Shakespeare Blvd. and Neelesville Church Rd. You guessed it, I made the wrong turn onto Neelesville Church Rd., but once I turned around I found the Retreat Center at long last. I arrived at 6:30 p.m. just in time to join the others in the main building for dinner. I took the last parking space at the far end of the parking lot.

After dinner we held our opening circle. Each woman gave an introduction of herself and spoke of her intention for the weekend. We each brought an object for the altar that represented what was calling us in our lives at this time. I brought a set of 3 antique keys on a string. They represented finding the keys to open new doors in my life. During my introduction, I spoke of the healing journey that Warren and I have been on for the last 4 years and how I've felt like I was being "called" into some kind of healing work.

I had a room in the main building as it was the only room with a handicapped accessible bathroom. The bed wasn't too comfortable, so I didn't get much sleep. I kept waking up every half hour or so to turn over.

After our evening session on Friday and most of the people had left for their cabins, I decided to get my suitcase out of my car. When I went to the door where we'd all left our shoes, my shoes were conspicuous by their absence. There was a pair of New Balance shoes there, but not mine and not my size. Someone had gone off with my shoes by mistake! So now what? I brought slippers, but they were still out in the car in the suitcase. I decided that my only recourse was to walk to the car in my stocking feet, in the freezing cold, across a gravel road to the far end of a gravel parking lot in the dark! And so I did even though it seemed like a really dumb thing to do. I was just glad at that point the parking lot wasn't covered in hot coals. In some strange way I felt like I had to do that strange walk. Was it penance? Or was it holding up a mirror to my behavior of not asking for help when I need it? As it turns out, the retreat leader's car was right there and she could have driven me to my car. In fact she was looking for me all over the building while I was out on this adventure. I decided to drive back to the building. The next morning my shoes showed up quietly. I never learned who had taken them by mistake, but I picked them up and kept them in my room after that. Very funny don't you think?

Entry for Friday,January 19, 2007 - Bye Bye

I'm getting ready to head out to NIH this morning for Warren's chemo treatment. This will conclude week 3 of this series. Next Friday he'll have a PET scan and on the 30th he'll have a CT scan so they can see how he's doing. After I get him back home this afternoon, I have to get back on the road and go back almost to Bethesda again for my Women's Retreat weekend which is being held in a retreat center in Germantown. Timing may be dicey as I'm supposed to be there by 6:30 this evening. If all goes well at the hospital, they can start the chemo at 12:30 today and we could be on the road home by 2:00 p.m. Experience tells me that there is usually a hang up in one or more of the processes to slow things down.

I'm starting my weekend out tired again. Getting everything lined up to go away for a few days is exhausting. I have to make sure that food is prepared (he doesn't cook). I have to make sure my Mom has everything she needs (I spent yesterday with her). Then I have to pack and make sure I have everything I need. Now I need a nap! I know I'll enjoy myself once I get there.

My son posted a blog about "gifts from kitties" about how he slipped and fell on a hair ball on the floor this morning (ouch). I've got another one for you Dave. One of the things I had to do for my Mom yesterday was to wash a portion of her down comforter because her cat left a pile (you know what I mean...not a hair ball) on her bed in the middle of the night. Mom swears the door was open so the cat could get to the litter box downstairs, but apparently "Raven" thought otherwise. So if you are ever in this situation. Spray it with "Spray & Wash" and let it sit. Then rinse it in cool water. Put some liquid hand soap on the areas and rub until clean. Then rinse. Now of course this wets down a larger area that was stained, but that can't be helped. I put it in the dryer after towel drying the area. It took about 1-1/2 hours to mostly dry. I'm sure it wouldn't have dried sooner had it been smaller, but the comforter pretty much filled up the dryer and couldn't really tumble freely. I'm glad I don't have any pets at home right now.

Well to all of my gentle readers (I don't think there are as many of you as the counter would suggest), have a lovely weekend. I'm hoping I'll return refreshed and with a new frame of mind to go forward into 2007.

Yesterday was the birthday of my only sister. She was born and died on January 18, 1952. Her name was to be Catherine. I remember it was the only time as a child that I saw my Father cry.

Entry for Wednesday, January 17, 2007- Listening to the Quiet That is Like a Sound

Poem: "On Closing the Apartment of my Grandparents of Blessed Memory" by Robyn Sarah from Questions About The Stars. © Brick Books

On Closing the Apartment of my Grandparents of Blessed Memory

And then I stood for the last time in that room.
The key was in my hand. I held my ground,
and listened to the quiet that was like a sound,
and saw how the long sun of winter afternoon
fell slantwise on the floorboards, making bloom
the grain in the blond wood. (All that they owned
was once contained here.) At the window moaned
a splinter of wind. I would be going soon.

I would be going soon; but first I stood,
hearing the years turn in that emptied place
whose fullness echoed. Whose familiar smell,
of a tranquil life, lived simply, clung like a mood
or a long-loved melody there. A lingering grace.
Then I locked up, and rang the janitor's bell.

------

The picture today is of my paternal grandparents Ivan and Isabel.

Entry for Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - The Blank Page

Ah, the tyranny of the blank page! Every writer feels it from time to time. You look at the big white screen and nothing pops into your mind to fill the void in the blogosphere. I was chastised by my Son this afternoon for not blogging yesterday...this from someone who goes months sometimes without updating his own :-). Anyway, that being said, I really don't have anything interesting to report. Chemo continues, the holidays are over, the birthdays are over for awhile and its just January in Maryland. What can I say?

Entry for Sunday, January 14, 2007 - Happy Birthday Jen

We had the family birthday dinner this evening. Everyone was there except my youngest brother's family who are still sick with the flu. The lasagna turned out well and the Snickers Ice Cream Cake was pretty good too. I took some pictures, but haven't installed the software on my computer yet to upload them from my new camera. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow. Right now I'm just tired so you won't get too much out of me tonight.

Happy Birthday to my baby girl!!!!

Have a good night.

Entry for Saturday, January 13, 2007 - Over Thirty Years Ago Tonight

Over thirty years ago tonight (actual number is secret so that my daughter [pictured above] doesn't kill me for giving away her true age) I was in day 2 of my 45 hour labor. It began at 6:00 a.m. on Monday morning and ended Wednesday morning at 3:02 a.m. I didn't go to the hospital until Tuesday evening because the contractions hadn't been consistent until that time. Once I was admitted, the nurse asked me if I wanted something for pain. I said yes, thinking in terms of an aspirin or something. She gave me a shot and that was all I remembered until after the delivery. I awoke fully the next morning with a black eye. When I asked where that came from I was told that I had kept banging my head against the rail on the side of the bed. I've always had a theory that I cussed the doctors and nurses out and someone had finally bopped me one to shut me up. The problem with the type of anesthesia that they gave then (maybe still do) was that it doesn't take the pain away, but you don't remember any of it. It just takes away all of your inhibitions about screaming and carrying on. Weird huh?? I had wanted to be awake for the birth, not be a raving lunatic.

Warren brought up the boxes from the garage today and I took down all the Christmas decorations. He then put all the boxes back in the garage. I also made a soup from all root vegetables; potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, parsnips, turnips and onions. I like to make this in the winter because I find it to be very grounding as well as wonderfully aromatic.

After the soup was done, I put together the lasagna that I'll bake tomorrow. We were just busy, busy, busy all day.

Next weekend I'm going on a woman's retreat from Friday evening through lunch on Sunday. I'm looking forward to that. I hope your evening is warm and restful.

Entry for Friday, January 12, 2007 - Victory

Well to catch you up from yesterday, I did get my prescription refilled. I had decided I wasn't leaving the doctor's office until they gave me a paper prescription to take to the pharmacy, and I didn't. The receptionist was insisting that the doctor would phone it in for me at the end of the day, but I kept saying "what happens if he doesn't? I only have one pill left and I've been trying to call for 2 weeks. What if your phones go out again?" She said "well, we're open tomorrow." I said "look, my husband is getting chemo at NIH and we'll be there all day tomorrow." At that point the nurse practitioner heard the conversation and said, "for goodness sakes give her the prescription. If her husband is getting chemo, she doesn't need any more stress!" And so they did. Victory is mine!

Today it was NIH and chemo. Warren had a consult with the whole "pain team". There must have been 8 of them all poking his sore arm and asking questions. A nurse used a ProTNS on his arm Tuesday and today which seems to have shrunk the knot in his muscle. The ProTNS is electrical stimulation that works on the trigger points of the knots. I think Warren has a goal of seeing all of the medical teams at NIH before he's through.

My daughter's birthday is Sunday and I'm planning a family dinner. She's still has her virus (ebola/bird flu whatever). My son has got a cold or something and is going to the doctor tomorrow. My youngest brother's whole family has had the flu all week. The only ones that aren't sick are Warren and I and my other brother, his wife and my Mom. I'm beginning to wonder if Sunday is going to happen. My plan is to forge ahead until it proves impossible (remember the Thanksgiving fiasco?). My plan is to make lasagna, salad and garlic bread.

Have a great night.

Entry for January 11, 2007 - Unmarked Graves

It occurred to me this morning that I had failed to remember and make note of a very important anniversary in my life. January 3, 2007, marked one year since I retired. Now granted I did go back to work as a contractor the next day to finish a project, but the 3rd was my last day as a civil servant. I can't believe that a year has gone by already. Is this just the beginning of forgetting things? In the near future will there be some vast graveyard of forgotten memories that I'll stumble into from time to time? This is too deep for this time of day.

We're getting ready to go to Greenbelt this a.m. for Warren's annual echocardiogram with the cardiologist. He has mitral valve prolapse (heart murmur) that needs to be monitored, but doesn't give him any trouble. I also have to stop in to the GP's office to get a prescription refilled. I've been trying to call them for two weeks and their phone has been out the whole time. The reason I know this is that I contacted the "after hours" phone service and they told me the office was open but the phones were out. There has to be something else going on for the phones to still be out I would think.

There might be more here later. Have a good day.

Entry for Wednesday, January 03, 2007 - Running Errands

We spent the morning running errands. We hit 3 banks (no we weren't robbing them we have accounts there...honest), the Post Office, an ATM machine, the Maryland Emissions Testing Station, and the Oak Tree Furniture Store (nothing purchased, just looking). After that I dropped Warren off at home and I went on to the grocery store. Now I'm home and everything is put away. He's sitting in front of his computer sound asleep, so all is right with my world I guess.

We had a bit of a tiff after coming out of the furniture store. As usual, everything that I liked he hated and vice versa. I have a theory that he'll never like any entertainment center ever and his theory is that I just run in, see something I like and want to buy it immediately without giving it any thought at all. We have decorating issues (always have, probably always will have). The picture today is the entertainment center that I liked.

Warren has a new *gadget* from NIH. The physical therapist give him an electrical stimulation unit (called a TNS don't ask me why, I don't know) to wear on his arm to help mitigate the pain. Apparently the electrical stimulation doesn't allow the pain signal to get to the brain...it interferes in some way. It does seem to help him somewhat.

I hope your day is trouble free.

Entry for Monday, January 01, 2007 - Happy New Year!

We did stay up until midnight last night to watch the ball drop in New York City. Ho hum, I certainly didn't find that too exciting. As for the "parties" on tv, definitely not my cup of tea. Most of the performers I've either never heard of or wouldn't listen to if I had. Sometimes I think I'm so out of the popular culture that I'm only one or two steps away from joining a convent....I always want to say join a monastery instead of a convent, but I'm thinking they won't let me. Anyway staying up until midnight is something I do quite a bit, so I can do that standing on my head (if I could stand on my head that is). Warren isn't usually able to stay up that late, but has made up for it by sleeping all day in his chair. I'm not kidding. He fell asleep after breakfast and slept through the Rose Bowl Parade that he loves to watch. He's now sleeping through football and its 4:40 p.m. He did surface around 3:00 looking for a bite to eat, had some cheese and crackers and then fell once again into the arms of morpheous. I don't want to hear tomorrow about how he couldn't get to sleep tonight.

I spent the day cleaning out the pantry and reorganizing it. There were a few things that I tossed because they were way passed their use by dates, but not as much as I thought there would be. My pantry is huge. Its about 5 feet wide and holds quite a bit. Its one of the things that really sold me on this condo. We could probably just eat out of the pantry for a month without having to go to the store.

Dinner is in the oven (the pork, sauerkraut and potatoes). The kale is cooked and waiting. After dinner tonight I'll run the self-cleaning feature on the oven. We have pumpkin pie for dessert.

Tomorrow its up at 5:00 a.m. to head out to NIH to restart chemo. With the federal government closed tomorrow, traffic should be lighter. Back in the saddle again. Its great that we had that time off, but it sure went by fast.