Entry for Sunday, December 31, 2006 - Out with the Old, In with the New

Just like everyone else on the planet tonight, I'm thinking back over the past year and trying to assimilate the fact that "just like that" 2006 is just about over. If feels to me like the year just flew by. My year, as you know, has been dominated by yet another recurrence of Warren's cancer and many trips to NIH for treatments. I also turned 60 this fall and we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary earlier this month. When I think ahead to 2007, I do so with some trepidation. I don't know what it will bring, but I know it will bring things both wanted and not wanted to me. Every year does.

Today I finished baking the last of the Christmas cookie dough that I'd made Christmas eve. I also made a pot of pinto beans and corn bread for dinner (my southern husband's favorite meal). Tomorrow I'll make one of my Pennsylvania Dutch family's New Year's favorites which is roast pork with sauerkraut. I've long ago forgotten what that is supposed to do for you if you have it on New Year's Day, but I'm sure its supposed to bring good luck. Also tomorrow I think I'll clean out the pantry and clean the oven. Its always good to start the year organized. It feels good while it lasts anyway.

As far as resolutions for 2007, I don't like to make them. I do want to wish you all a Happy New Year and a safe New Year's eve. Be well.

Entry for Friday, December 29, 2006 - Pax Vobiscum

Today has been a day for completing tasks. I finished the laundry, did my hand sewing that had been building up, and re-hung some curtains in the bedroom that had fallen down. We've been taking it easy since Wednesday and enjoying not having to go anywhere. Tomorrow I'm going to my Mom's (afterall it will be Saturday). Next week we'll start chemo again. Warren only took a one week break this time.

As a back drop to the day is the news of the world awaiting the execution of Saddam Hussein. The world seem so small sometimes. Are we better off knowing things instantaneously as they occur? I struggle with that sometimes. I often think it would be better not to know what is going on half a world away.

I hope you've enjoyed your day. Have a safe and warm night.

Entry for Thursday, December 28, 2006 - For My Snowed In Reader in Denver

These recipes are for my friend who lives in Denver and is probably now snowed in again for the second time in a week. Have fun hibernating! I sure hope that you two plugged up that vent in the attic for this snow storm.

Mint Surprise Cookies

Sift together:

3 cups flour

1 tsp. baking soda

½ tsp. salt

Cream:

1 Cup butter (or margarine)

1 Cup sugar

½ Cup brown sugar (firmly packed)

Blend into Creamed Mixture:

2 eggs unbeaten

2 tbsp. water

1 tsp. vanilla

Add dry ingredients, mix well. Cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours. Take 1 package of chocolate mint wafers; enclose each wafer in about 1 tablespoon of chilled dough. Place on a greased cookie sheet about 2” apart. Top each cookie with a walnut half. Bake at 375 degrees for 10-12 minutes. (Trader Joe's carries a chocolate mint wafer. They call them UFO's.)

Southern Coconut Cake

3 cups self-rising flour

2 cups sugar

1 tsp. baking soda

1 cup water

½ cup vegetable oil

1 stick of margarine

2 eggs, beaten

½ cup buttermilk

1 tbsp. coconut extract

Sift together flour, sugar and soda. In a small saucepan, melt margarine with water and oil. Add to flour mixture then add remaining ingredients. Bake in a 13x9 inch pan at 350 degrees until golden brown (about 45 minutes, but test for your oven). Cool.

Icing

1 large (16 oz.) sour cream

1 box confectioner’s sugar

2 pkgs. frozen coconut (thawed)

Mix together the sour cream, confectioner’s sugar and two packages of coconut. Pour over the cake. Refrigerate.

(I found that I had to move the cake into a larger pan to accommodate all of the soupy frosting mix, but it made for a better presentation.)

Entry for Wednesday, December 27, 2006 - Somethings to Think About

My horoscope for the day reads as follows:

"Judicious silence is a powerful tool in conversation and negotiation. It's even more powerful when you give your soul a daily dose of it. Some regular meditation helps you clarify cloudy areas in your life.

Helping someone selflessly today will go a very long way tomorrow. You would be wise to put some good deeds in your karma account right now, because you will need a bit of help soon. People like to help people who've helped them, and someone you help today will remember you when the time comes. This isn't something to be worried about; just keep generosity and reciprocity in the front of your mind today, and do for others what you hope they would do for you."

I'd like to think that I already have some good deeds banked in my karma account, but I guess it won't hurt to add more. The picture is a corner of my bedroom where I spend my quiet/meditation time. After all the hoopla of the last few days, quiet time in now definitely in order.

Our Christmas was quite nice. My Mom was with us and my children and granddaughter came here for lunch Christmas day. We exchanged gifts and then went to my brother's house for dinner. Aren't you just tired of eating already? I did manage to get two types of cookies baked Christmas eve. The Mint Surprise and the Peanut Butter Blossom Cookies. I made the sugar cookie dough and the frosting for them before I realized that I had thrown away my food coloring when I moved and had never replaced it. I could have just made round cookies, frosted them white, and called them *snowballs*. I thought that if I'm going to all the trouble to make these, I want the Christmas tree shapes with the green frosting and the little stars on them. Now the dough and frosting are waiting in the refrigerator until I get to the store this afternoon. Then I'll be baking more cookies I guess. I made a Coconut Cake for Christmas dinner that wasn't even cut. So half of that is in the freezer, some went home with Mom and some is awaiting hungry people.

I got a new digital camera for Christmas. It came with 2-inches worth of instruction manuals (thankfully I discovered that half of them were Spanish so I can't read those). My first digital camera was a Sony Mavika which stores the pictures on a floppy disk. The pictures are fine unless you try to blow them up, then they can be a little grainy. It amazes me how fast the technology is evolving.

I have an appointment to get my haircut this afternoon, so I will have to get dressed today. After that chore is done, I'll go to the grocery store.

Sometime today I want to resume my meditation practice which has been lax over the past few months. Its not that I haven't entered meditative states from time to time, just that I haven't gone into my corner, shut the door and consciously settled into it.

Some of you have gone back to work, some of you are still off (some of you have always been a little off). Whatever your status, have a great day!

Entry for Monday, December 25, 2006 - Merry Christmas

Entry for Sunday, December 24, 2006 - Christmas Eve

Finding the spirit in the celebrations for this time of year is often hard to do. As we celebrate Solstichrismahanakwansika at the malls and at our favorite e-tail shopping venues, we deplete our wallets, our energies and our own spirits pursuing the "perfect" gifts. What we really hunger for is the joy of time spent with friends and family in the warmth of our homes. All of the celebrations of this season, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, and the solstice represent (among other things) bringing light into the darkness of winter. We do that with our tree lights, our menorahs, and our kinaras (candle holder for Kwanza).

My wish for you today is that you light the darkness of this winter's eve with love for your fellow man and make merry with your friends and families. Honor your own religious tradition and respect the rights of others to honor their own.

Namaste

Entry for Friday, December 22, 2006 - Dolphin?

Today was our last trip to NIH for the year. No more chemo until 2007! That sounds better than "no for chemo for 11 days" doesn't it? The drive in wasn't bad, but it took us a long time to get home. We got out of the hospital about 4:00 p.m., but it was raining, and it was the Friday before Christmas. People were on the road for elsewhere, or off for some last minute shopping. It took us close to an hour and a half to get home (normally 45 minutes). Its good to be home and done with my shopping for the season.

Tomorrow I'll go pick up my Mom and bring her here for Christmas. I'm going to really try to make some Christmas cookies this weekend, but I'll have to pick up some brown sugar first. My son, daughter and granddaughter will come over here Christmas day for a light lunch and cookies and to open our gifts for each other and then we'll all go over to my youngest brother's house for Christmas dinner.

You're probably wondering why the dolphin today? Well I was listening to a cd the other day that my son had given me for my birthday. It was a guided imagery cd on meeting your spirit guides. I'm listening to this cd and I'm thinking this isn't going to work, when all of a sudden I'm underwater in the ocean and this large dolphin was swimming right up to me. I was startled and thinking "my spirit guide is a dolphin?". Is this even possible? The cd ended as well as the vision. I got to thinking about what characteristics or energy that a dolphin would represent. I did a little searching on the web and found out that dolphin energy is playful, its about freedom and breath. Interestingly enough all three of those characteristics play a large roll in my life. Freedom of movement and breathing are impacted by my muscular dystrophy. As for playful, I'm just about the funniest handicapped woman alive! A legend in my own mind. I just love how weird my life gets sometimes.

Entry for Thursday, December 21, 2006 - Gratitude and Appreciation

Picture from the book "Messages in Water" by Masaru Emoto - This water ice crystal was formed from water which had the words love and appreciation placed on the bottle.

I spent the afternoon with a group of women that I used to work with. We used to participate in a Christmas ornament exchange, but for the last few years we have just gotten together for lunch. It was hard to find the time to make hand-made ornaments with our busy schedules. It was so good to see everyone again and catch up on the news from work.

I'm feeling such gratitude today because one of the women at the party gave me a letter she'd written me about how a question I had asked her the last time I was in to visit had been the answer to a prayer that she had been asking for. I won't go into the details, but I just feel so grateful that God gave me the answer to give to her. I know now that the question did not originate inside my head, but was placed there for her. You just never know how your words or actions will affect someone else. It was good to be reminded of that so that I can remember to live from my highest self. That was such a gift for me!

Entry for Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - My Favorite Pick of the Contest

This was my favorite of the contest. I've always thought I'd like to try to make one of these, but the opportunity has yet to arise. Its probably a lot more fun to just look at some that other people have made. Afterall who wants to bake something they can't eat? I'm a great believer in enjoying ones work!

Today was a good day at NIH. We actually started and finished chemo early, but had to wait for the second EKG and to get some prescriptions filled so we still didn't get home until 4:00 p.m. Warren managed to convince the doctors that he doesn't need to be seen next week in clinic while he's on a chemo break. That means we get a whole week without having to go to NIH at all. I'm excited by this. Trust me.

Today is my nephew's 18th birthday. Man how did that happen? He was just a toddler last week...I'm sure of that. I sent him a check and on his birthday card I wrote "Don't spend this on beer". Time marches on.

I hope you enjoyed the slightly cooler day we had today (52 degrees). Have a great evening.

Entry for Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - NIH Gingerbread House Contest

Entry for Monday, December 18, 2006 - Don't You Love Gift Cards?

Ho, Ho, Ho. I think I'm just about done. Over the weekend we did the Christmas cards and I got all of the gifts wrapped. Today we went to NIH for Warren's monthly ENT clinic. Still no sign of cancer in his head and neck! We don't have to go back and visit the ENT clinic again until February 4th.

After we got home today and had lunch, I went over to Columbia Mall to pick up a movie gift card for my Mom to give my Granddaughter, then on to the Emporium of the Spirits (liquor store) to pick up another gift. After that, it was on to the gas station and the grocery store. I also stopped in at the Hair Cuttery to change my appointment from this Wednesday to the one after Christmas. I'm really tired at the moment.

Do you believe how warm it is? The thermometer in my car said it was 73 degrees this afternoon. We don't often see that in December.

Tomorrow is a full day at NIH for chemo, blood work, 2 EKG's, and physical therapy. They have a big display of gingerbread houses in the atrium and they want people to pick their favorite one and the the house that gets the most votes will win some kind of prize. I'll try to get some pictures of that tomorrow when I have some time to kill.

Enjoy your evening.

Entry for Sunday, December 17, 2006 - Seeing my Mother

Yesterday I did my Mother's grocery shopping for the week and had dinner with her. Before I left, I pulled a chair up in front of her chair and gave her a Reiki treatment for her legs and hips. She's been having trouble sleeping because her hips hurt during the night. When I was done with the treatment I held her hands and was looking into her eyes. We both began to cry. There was something so sweet and so intimate about the moment. I realized that my Mother is hungry for touch. Why didn't I see this sooner? Why haven't I been holding her hands all along? Take a lesson from this. If there is an elderly person in your life, don't just talk to them. Hold their hands, put your arm around their shoulder, give them a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Life is to0 short not to make someone else feel loved and needed.

The picture is my Mom and my Daughter circa 1972

Entry for Friday, December 15, 2006 - On the Road Again

Why does it seem like its always either Tuesday or Friday to me? And here it is Friday again, another trip up Rt. 29 to NIH for chemo. (heavy sigh!). Next week we go there three times (Monday, Tuesday and Friday) because its time for the monthly visit to the ENT clinic as well. On Wednesday we'll both have acupuncture (up Rt. 29 again) and Thursday I'll be going to an annual ornament exchange (where we no longer exchange ornaments). I'm really looking forward to seeing my old gang. A very full week ahead. There is not much time in there for wrapping gifts, or to finish the shopping, or to bake cookies is there? At least Christmas week should be somewhat quieter. We'll only have to go to clinic once on Tuesday, but no chemo. Our Granddaughter will probably be with us most of that week. Its a good thing I'm retired :-). Where would work fit into my life right now?

There are a few changes underway at NIH that sadden me. Warren's doctor is leaving for Christmas holiday on Tuesday (we won't see her) and then after she returns will be rotating out of Oncology into Hematology. His usual nurse in the day hospital is relocating to the south and her last day will be December 29th. So we'll be getting new people into our stays there. We'll miss these two people because of the exemplary care that they've given Warren and their genuine caring way of being with us.

Everything changes, even when it doesn't feel like it. Life is always ebbing and flowing around us. Enjoy the ride today.

Entry for Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - Nothing Says Happy Anniversary More Than Bean Soup

When I look at the picture from my 1981 wedding I can't help laughing because Warren looks so scared.  I guess when you marry for the first time at 48 it gives you pause.

I slept really well last night (all 11 hours of it!).  I attribute that to being very tired (3 hours sleep the night before) and taking 2 extended relief tylenol before I went to bed.  Once I finally got up we ran some errands this morning; post office, bank, Christmas shopping.  Then it was home for a quick bite then off to see the acupuncturist for me and Warren.  He did very well, but is withholding judgment to "see" if he has some improvement.  (Well he is an engineer!  He needs proof!).  I felt better right away.  I don't need the stone tablets to prove it to me.

For our very romantic 25th anniversary we went to NIH for a chemo treatment and then came home to a festive bowl of homemade Navy Bean Soup.  We really know how to have a good time.  At one time we'd talked about going to Hawaii for this anniversary.  I'm sure the one we had was much better :-).

Last night I dreamed that a TV show was making over a room in my house.  I kept saying to Warren they had better not be redoing my bedroom.  As it turns out it was the living room and I hated it.  They showed me they were going to make a vase out of some rusting automobile parts.  Its shape was reminiscent of the shape of a rooster, but oddly I thought I could paint that a barn red and it might be ok.  Go figure.

I wish you all a good night.

Entry for Monday, December 11, 2006 - Still Taking it Easy

This is my second in a row taking it easy days.  Today, however, I've stepped it up a little and am doing laundry and making some soup for tomorrow's after NIH dinner.  I took another 2 tylenol extended relief last night and slept fairly well.  I'll have to remember that stuff the next time I have to clean house and then pay the physical price for the effort.  We spent a little time updating the Christmas card list so that I could print out labels later.  Wednesday we intend to finish up the shopping.  We should be in good shape then.  Just wrapping and maybe some baking to do after that.

Tomorrow is back to NIH to start week 3 in this 4th 8-week cycle of chemo and to celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversary.  We really know how to have a good time.  Its going to be a busy week because I've got things booked for every day except today.

Time to stir the pot and put another load of clothes in the washer.  Have a great evening.

Entry for Tuesday, December 12, 2006 - On this Day

On this day twenty-five years ago I married my Friend...the one who shares my hopes and dreams.

"This is my beloved, and this is my friend." Song of Solomon 5:16

Entry for Sunday, December 10, 2006 - Happy Birthday David

Yesterday evening we celebrated my Son David's birthday; but today is the real day.  I think he had a good time.  He and his sister took matters into their own hands and brought the Christmas tree and all the ornament boxes upstairs and then my Sister-in-law and niece decorated it.  They put on every ornament I had (and trust me after many years of participating in an ornament exchange, I had lots).  In fact they put more ornaments on the tree than I ever do, but it looks really beautiful!  Thank you everyone for all your help!!!  Warren had decided that he really wanted a tree this year and his plan was to take 2 pain pills and then try to wrestle all the boxes off the high shelf.  I didn't think that was too red hot a plan to begin with, so now he doesn't have to do that.  We joked that we'll have another party in mid-January for my Daughter's birthday to take everything back down again.  I took this picture last night without a flash so it doesn't do the tree justice.

I was on my feet all day yesterday cleaning and cooking and last night and today I'm paying for it.  I guess its the MD, but I couldn't straighten up this morning and was doing alot of moaning and groaning to get around.  I took two Tylenol extended relief tablets about 9:00 a.m. and that has helped loosen me up quite a bit.  They're each about 650 milligrams and I think they're intended for arthritus pain.  Glad I thought of them.  You can bet I'll be taking more before I go to bed tonight.

My Mom had spent the night with us and slept in until about 9:30.  My Sister-in-law was scheduled to pick her up to spend the day with them at 10:00, so I had to call and tell her I'd bring Mom over there once breakfast was over.  They just live about 10 miles down the road from us.

Whenever I have people over for dinner, I'm always afraid there won't be enough food so I end up making more than twice the number of people could eat.  As a consequence my refrigerator is stuffed full of leftovers.  On the bright side, I won't be cooking for a few days....just heating and eating.

Again, happy birthday to my baby boy.  I wish you many happy more years!

Entry for Friday, December 08, 2006 - TGIF

Another view from the Hatfield atrium.

Today is another chemo day and it will be a late one.  We probably won't be out of there until after 5:30 this afternoon...and then there is rush hour to get through.  I need to shift my focus from what I have to do to what I'm grateful for.  What am I grateful for?  I am grateful that my husband is still alive.  I am grateful that he has FINALLY agreed to have acupuncture to help his arm.  I am grateful for my family and friends and my home.  I am grateful for the wonderful teachers who have shown up in my life who are supporting and guiding me.  Life is hard, but life is good.

I didn't get very far in my cleaning attempts yesterday.  I did manage to sweep the kitchen floor and pick up some clutter.  I guess its time to switch to "lowering my standards" mode.  I really just have to run the vacuum, dust, and clean the bathrooms.  Since the robots haven't shown up yet, I guess its my job.

While I'm waiting today, I'll finalize my menu for Dave's birthday party as well as figure out where I am on the Christmas shopping arc and what still needs to be done.  Well of course the Christmas cards and gift wrapping still need to be done; but I have no idea just how much more shopping is required.  Oh, and of course we're still sans tree.  I did put a few decorations out and that may have to suffice.

SIMPLIFY, SIMPLIFY, SIMPLY, but how the heck do you do that?  Its a puzzlement.  Have a great day I need to get ready to go.  

Entry for Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - Another Day

The last thing I said yesterday was that tomorrow is another day, and so it was.  I slept in and so felt more rested than yesterday.  I went in to my old office today to meet with some friends and then went out for a late lunch.

Tomorrow I have to spend getting ready for Saturday.  We're going to celebrate my son's birthday and my Mom and my youngest brother's family will be with us.  So I'll have cleaning, shopping and cooking to do.  I sure wish the cleaning would do itself.  I really hate doing it anymore.  I'm even toying with the idea of getting one of those Rhomba's (the robotic vacuum) to just turn on and leave running while I'm at NIH.  Does anyone know if they make a robotic toilet cleaner?  Maybe I should just give up and hire a cleaning service.  Warren said I'd always want to clean before they came in anyway, but I think I could get over that.

Sorry if this is a boring blog entry.  Sometimes they just are.  Perhaps tonight they'll be some strange dream that I can relate to you.  Sleep well and I'll see you tomorrow.

Today's picture is the Christmas Tree in the atrium of the Hatfield Clinical Center at NIH.

Entry for Tuesday, December 05, 2006 - Thoughts at the Full Moon

As the year is winding down, I feel as if I'm coming to the end of a very long road.  The funny thing is, the road isn't ending.  I think sometimes that the road will never end.  I am tired down into my bones.  Warren and I are both tired.  Tired of the drive, tired of the chemo, tired of being in the medical zone all of the time.  And yet, where else can we be?

Today was a long one at NIH.  We got there about 7:30 this morning and left at 4:00 p.m.  Our clinic visit was at 10:00, but we didn't get in to see the doctor until noon.  That slowed everything up.  He finished his chemo at 2:45 p.m., so that means he can't start it until 2:45 p.m. on Friday.  This will make Friday a late day as well and its really hard to find someone to read that last EKG late on a Friday.

When the alarm went off this morning at 5:00 a.m., my first thought was that it was really Wednesday and that Warren had forgotten to turn off the alarm.  See how my brain tried to protect me from the truth that I really had to get up? 

For dinner I made baked pork chops, baked sweet potatoes, steamed brocolli, cranberry-orange stuffing and cheese bisquits.  Don't ask me why; I have no idea.

On the advice of my acupuncturist, I've taken today to feel sorry for myself so that I can feel it and let it out of my system.  Tomorrow is another day. 

Entry for Sunday, December 03, 2006 - Winter's Tales

Why does it seem that I can't read one book at a time?  I'm doing my usual trick of reading 3 at once.  I don't start out to do that, but books have a way of showing up for me in groups.  Sometime this is by my own design when I go on a binge at Amazon.com.  Other times the universe delivers them through various sources and they all want to be read at once.  Today its "Brother Odd" by Dean Koontz, "My Life as a Psychic" by Chris Defresne (son of Sylvia Browne), and "Awakening at Midlife" by Kathleen A. Brehony.  "Brother Odd" is the third book in this series by Koontz ("Odd Thomas", "Forever Odd", and now "Brother Odd").  Odd Thomas is a young man who works as a fry cook in a desert town and has the ability to see dead people who haven't crossed over.  He is "haunted" by Elvis Presley and always seems to attract  villians that have an element of the supernatural about them.  I'm a long time fan of Mr. Koontz, but I particularly like the hopeful bend that has begun to show up in his recent works.  The stories are not quite so dark.



"Awakening at Midlife" is about mid-life transitions.  I'll give more about it when I get further into the book.  I might be a little late in reading this, or really optimistic to think that at 60 I'm at the mid-point. 

Yes I know that my eclectic reading tastes border on the bizarre.  What can I say?

Entry for Saturday, December 02, 2006 - Happy Birthday Tim

Happy Birthday to my "little" brother Timmy (shown here with our Dad in about 1954).  Tim is 3 years younger than me, which makes him about 29.

Not much going on the last few days.  I'm still dragging.  I went to my Mom's today and we went out to dinner with Tim and his wife to celebrate the birthday boy.  Next weekend is my son's birthday.  We have quite the constellation of birthdays in December as my nephew's birthday is this month too.

I hope you're having a great weekend.

 

Entry for Thursday, November 30, 2006 - November Winding Down

Fall is winding down along with November.  Tomorrow is the beginning of meteorological winter.  I can say that with a smile as it was 70 degrees today.  The turning to December 1 is expected to bring with it colder temperatures.  Even as we speak, the midwest is being hammered with blizzard-like conditions.  I think I heard that we'll have strong winds and rain.  We're off to NIH tomorrow for more chemo.  Warren will also begin another round of physical therapy to help improve the range of motion in his shoulder.

Have a good night.  I've run out of things to say. 

Entry for Wednesday, November 29, 2006 - I Went Shopping...I'm not Going Back

Now I remember why I did all my holiday shopping for the last few years over the internet!  I went out this afternoon to pick up some things for Christmas presents and came home with only a universal lid to replace the lid I shattered recently.  Its so much easier to shop on-line.  You can quickly hone in on exactly what you're looking for.  You don't have to wander up and down all the aisles trying to find something.  You might see something you like, but can't find it anywhere in a box.  No one is around to help....well that's not exactly true.  One gentleman was helping me in "Bed, Bath &  Beyond", that's how I found the lid.  I think I'm done with retail....its E-Tail all the way.

Entry for Tuesday, November 28, 2006 - In the Middle

I found this lovely poem on the Writer's Almanac.  Warren started another series of his chemo today.  He seems to have more range of motion in his arm.  They want him to take at least another 5 days of antibiotics even though they never found any infectious agents.  I kind of was pushing the doctors today on why they won't admit that it "could" be the shots but I didn't make much headway.  Later I said to one of the nurses "If it looks like a horse, and smells like a horse and eats oats like a horse, its a horse".  The doctors would like to have it remain a mystery.  One said, "I don't have a crystal ball."  So I said, "Well, I do, but that's another story."  One then said "Can I make an appointment with you?"  Then another one said "Maybe we should be studying you."  And I thought, "Maybe someday you will." :-)

Poem: "In the Middle" by Barbara Crooker, from Yarrow. © 1998

In the Middle



of a life that's as complicated as everyone else's,

struggling for balance, juggling time.

The mantle clock that was my grandfather's

has stopped at 9:20; we haven't had time

to get it repaired. The brass pendulum is still,

the chimes don't ring. One day you look out the window,

green summer, the next, and the leaves have already fallen,

and a grey sky lowers the horizon. Our children almost grown,

our parents gone, it happened so fast. Each day, we must learn

again how to love, between morning's quick coffee

and evening's slow return. Steam from a pot of soup rises,

mixing with the yeasty smell of baking bread. Our bodies

twine, and the big black dog pushes his great head between;

his tail is a metronome, 3/4 time. We'll never get there,

Time is always ahead of us, running down the beach, urging

us on faster, faster, but sometimes we take off our watches,

sometimes we lie in the hammock, caught between the mesh

of rope and the net of stars, suspended, tangled up

in love, running out of time.

Entry for Monday, November 27, 2006 - Aura of a Migraine

Gill Knox, Migraine aura, digital image, 2003. ©

I wonder if I'm even supposed to post this or not.  I had finished the blog, went to post and the system kicked me back to log into Yahoo.  Then when I got back, my post was gone.  There wasn't even the little *Recover last  entry* notice.  I'm going to try again anyway.

On Saturday morning I woke up with a visual disturbance in my left eye, the aura of a migraine, similar to the one pictured above (but less purple and more refractive).  In my 30's and 40's this would have meant that I was about to get kicked in the head by a horse (metaphorically that is).  A migraine was coming!  I never got any pain this time and the disturbance only lasted 30 minutes or so.  Only long enough for me to take notice of it really.  I even wondered at the time if it were mine or not.  You see sometimes I pick up other people's symptoms or pain.  I've learned to recognize what is mine and what is passing through.  And *passing through* is what really needs to happen.  This is  called empathy.  Being an empath is like being a sponge, and if you're not vigilant you'll soak up too much environmental (energetic, physical or emotional) stuff that doesn't need to be in your life's experience.  Some of the ways I've learned to recognize mine from other is: 1) Is there relevance to my current body conditions?; 2)  Is there emotion that comes with it that is foreign to my current emotional state; and 3) Am I in physical or emotional proximity to someone who is experiencing this problem?

If that was your aura, I send you lots of healing energy.

Have a great day.

 

 

Entry for Sunday, November 26, 2006 - Just to Get You in the Mood

For some reason over breakfast I started playing with putting our medical life to music for the holidays.  So just to get you in the mood for Christmas, sing along with me now (to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas".  Enjoy

 

                                          The 12 Days of NIH Christmas 

On the first day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me:  a saline bag through an IV

 

On the second day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me:  2 heated blankets

            And a saline bag through an IV

 

On the third day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me: 3 needles sticking

            2 heated blankets

            And a saline bag through an IV

 

On the fourth day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me: 4 hours waiting

3 needles sticking

2 heated blankets

            And a saline bag through an IV

           

On the fifth day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me: 5 EKG's

            4 hours waiting

3 needles sticking

2 heated blankets

            And a saline bag through an IV

 

On the sixth day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me: 6 ports a flushing

            5 EKG's

            4 hours waiting

3 needles sticking

2 heated blankets

            And a saline bag through an IV

 

On the seventh day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me: 7 chemos dripping

6 ports a flushing

5 EKG's

            4 hours waiting

3 needles sticking

2 heated blankets

            And a saline bag through an IV

 

On the eighth day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me: 8 tubes for blood draws

            7 chemos dripping

6 ports a flushing

5 EKG's

            4 hours waiting

3 needles sticking

2 heated blankets

            And a saline bag through an IV

 

On the nineth day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me: 9 doctors looking

            8 tubes for blood draws

7 chemos dripping

6 ports a flushing

5 EKG's

            4 hours waiting

3 needles sticking

2 heated blankets

            And a saline bag through an IV

 

On the tenth day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me: 10 labs reporting

            9 doctors looking

            8 tubes for blood draws

7 chemos dripping

6 ports a flushing

5 EKG's

            4 hours waiting

3 needles sticking

2 heated blankets

            And a saline bag through an IV

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me: 11 shots a stinging

            10 labs reporting

9 doctors looking

            8 tubes for blood draws

7 chemos dripping

6 ports a flushing

5 EKG's

            4 hours waiting

3 needles sticking

2 heated blankets

            And a saline bag through an IV

 

On the twelth day of Christmas, my good nurse gave to me: 12 days on break

            11 shots a stinging

10 labs reporting

9 doctors looking

            8 tubes for blood draws

7 chemos dripping

6 ports a flushing

5 EKG's

            4 hours waiting

3 needles sticking

2 heated blankets

            And a saline bag through an IV

Warren said "I've finally lost it."  What do you think?

 

Entry for Saturday, November 25, 2006 - Getting Better

Warren got home from the hospital yesterday afternoon.  He's still on antibiotics and pain medication but seems to be doing some better.  He slept well last night and has been resting today in front of TV (football of course) most of the day.  I think the past week took more out of me than I thought because I'm still just wiped out.

How many times do we get 65 degree weather at the end of November in Washington?  Not many that's for sure.  I didn't go to my Mother's today because I didn't want to leave him alone while he's on the pain meds.  I'm probably being overly cautious, but I'd rather err on the side of caution.  I think it was important for me to rest this weekend too.  Its not like we don't have to go back to NIH on Tuesday to maybe start the next series of chemo.

I seem to be dreaming about cars alot lately.  One night this week I dreamed I had parked my car and then decided I wanted to move it to another spot.  As I was doing that, my foot slipped off the brake and I ran into the back of a red corvette that was owned by a female undercover cop.  I know that in dreams cars represent your own physical body, but I'm too tired to try to figure out the rest of that one.

Enjoy the sunshine tomorrow. 

Entry for November 24, 2006 - Coming Home Today

Sorry if yesterday's blog had a little bit of "poor me" included.  I didn't think I was feeling that but something of that genre was sure peaking through wasn't it?  I spoke to Warren about an hour ago and found out that they will be releasing him from the hospital this afternoon.  Apparently the redness is all gone from his arm; but the swelling and the pain aren't.  My sister-in-law sent me something she found this morning on the pneumococcal vaccine.

"The CDC recommends that people 65 and older get the pneumococcal vaccine. The shot is safe and can be given at the same time as the flu shot...About half of the people who get the shot have minor side effects - temporary swelling, redness, and soreness at the place on the arm where the shot was given.  A few people (less than 1 percent) have fever, muscle pain, or more serious swelling and pain on the arm.

Since they've been unable to identify any infectious agents, (and haven't I been saying all along that it had to be the shots????) I am inclined to think that he had the 1% reaction.

Releasing from the hospital can take all day, so I don't know exactly when we'll get out of there, but hopefully it won't be too late.

Entry for Thursday, November 23, 2006 - My Thanksgiving Day

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  I hope your table was filled with family, food, friends, and fun.  Our family had a different Thanksgiving this year.  Plan A was that my brother and sister-in-law were hosting dinner; Plan B was I was hosting dinner; Plan C - well there was no plan C.  Note to self: "Christmas plans should include Plan C".  My kids had dinner with a friend's family (thank you Sharon).  My Mom had dinner with my other brother and his wife.  Plan A's brother and his family had dinner by themselves (they are all sick).  Warren finally was allowed to eat this afternoon and had a traditional turkey dinner at NIH.  I had a bowl of leftover, homemade split pea soup.

Since I had already thawed my turkey preparing for Plan B, I put it in the oven when I got back from the hospital tonight.  Its still baking.  I'll carve it and put it in the freezer for when Warren gets home.

The doctors seem to think he is somewhat better today.  The arm is still swollen and painful, but a little less red.  They've weaned him off of the IV antibiotics and started him on the oral antibiotics.  If he continues to improve, then maybe they'll let him come home on Saturday.  All of the tests have come back negative so far.  I don't know what the hell that means, by the way.

Sleep well.

Entry for November 22, 2006 - Events of the Day

Right before we left for the hospital today I got a good look at Warren's whole left arm.  It was swollen from the bicep area to down below the elbow.  The injection site was high up on his shoulder.  No one suggested we look at his whole arm.  So we went to NIH and they admitted him to the hospital this evening.  They aren't sure what's actually wrong with him.  They've ruled out a blod clot and an abscess.  They also don't think its was from the flu shot and the pneumonia vaccine (terribly coincidental that it all began 2 hours after those two shots don't you think?)  They are thinking now its some kind of infection and he's on 3 types of antibiotics via IV.  One doctor thought it looked like a strep infection of the skin (since this morning the skin on his arm has gotten red).  He's been looked at by surgeons, infectious disease specialists...just about everyone at NIH today.  Next year we are opting for Flu instead of the shot.

I was supposed to fix Thanksgiving dinner in lieu of my sister-in-law whose family is sick, but I've called everyone now and postponed Thanksgiving to an undetermined date when Warren is out of the hospital.

I'll be going to the hospital tomorrow to spend the day with him.  He's not allowed to eat right now in case they have to do surgery (what surgery I have no idea at this point).  So Thanksgiving is going to be a total washout from a food standpoint anyway.  Perhaps tomorrow they'll know what kind of bug it is and can narrow down the focus of the antibiotics so that he can switch over to oral meds.  Maybe then I can spring him by Friday.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Entry for Wednesday, November 22, 2006 - Living on the Edge

Living on the edge is hard. Warren still has no real use of his left arm, but the pain is less (unless he tries to use the aforementioned left arm that is). The arm is not swollen, or red at the injection site. He's not running a fever. This is a hard thing to figure out. My gut instinct tells me that its related to the surgery (they removed the juglar vein on that side too) and the fact that the drainage on that side of his body is compromised. It seems that because the body is taking longer to move the vaccines from the injection area, that the muscles have become irritated. He still can't sleep in bed and spent another night in the recliner.

More later. We just spoke to his primary doctor at NIH and she wants to see him this morning. Hi ho, Hi ho, its up Rte. 29 we go (again)!

Entry for Tuesday, November 21, 2006 - Pain

Birthday's are usually a mixed bag.  Its a fun, happy day, or it can be filled with challenges.  Sometimes its both on the same day.  Things were going along pretty well yesterday until sometime during my acupuncture treatment when Warren's left arm began to really hurt.  He'd received both the flu shot and the pnuemonia vaccine in his left shoulder.  This is the same side where he'd had the radical neck dissection.  He was hurting so bad by the time we got home (about 4:00 p.m.) that he took 2 tylenol with codeine that he had left over from when he got his mediport put in in June.  He got no relief from that so, 4 hours later he upped the ante by taking a hydrocodon tablet.  That didn't help him either.  Last night about 10:00 p.m. we called the in-patient hospital at NIH and he talked to the call nurse and an on-call oncologist and they suggested that he take 2 tylenol.  He stayed in his recliner all night and didn't get much sleep.  This morning we called the hospital back and they think he's had too much pain medication so he's back to one 650 miligram tylenol tablet every six hours.  His pain last night was at a 10 on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the highest).  Today the pain is down to a 6 or a 7.  He has almost no mobility in that arm either.  He was not able to go with me to my daughter's for dinner last night.

My daughter cooked me a lovely dinner and surprised me by having a dining room table and chairs in her dining room.  I didn't know she had gotten them and was expecting to perch in a living room chair to eat my dinner.  My son brought the cake.  We had a good time.

I'm not sure why Warren had such a bad reaction to his shots.  I hope that he'll be better tomorrow.

Entry for Monday, November 20, 2006 - Officially a Crone Now

Well here it is.  I've officially entered my 6th decade of life.  Today I turned 60.  Now instead of saying "I'm on the pretty side of 60", I'll have to say "I'm on the pretty side of 65".  I think I liked being 59 better.  I think that after the age of 20, any number with a "0" is not welcomed in women.  But it is just another day in my journey and I will get over the shock I know.

I'll celebrate the day by going to NIH (who didn't see that coming?).  Warren has an ENT clinic visit this morning and then he'll get his flu shot and pneumonia vaccine.  This afternoon I'm going to the acupuncturist's and this evening we're going to my daughter's for dinner.

My horoscope from today's Washington Post:  "Today's Birthday Nov. 20:  You find new people to care about, passions to cultivate and wonders to unfold this year.  It's not a year of fighting, in fact, you agree to give up struggle in December.  Rather, you turn toward the sun and walk.  Spring brings many ways to improve business.  Take the money in April.  Reinvest it in May.  You hit it off with Cancer and Aquarius people."

I can't get the commercial out of my head this morning.  You know the one with the midget (I think its a car insurance commercial) and the midget is dancing and singing "It's my birthday, got my car fixed, fixed my bumper...."

Entry for Tuesday, November 07, 2006 - Acute MI, Oh My!!

Last night I was musing on my weekend and was thinking how good it felt to temporarily break free from cancer's massive gravitational pull.   Most of the time it feels as if we're orbiting some large dark object.  This morning it was off to NIH to start week 8 of this series.  Warren went to get his first EKG of the day and I got my latte and went up to the 13th floor to wait for him.  When he got there, he said "there is a problem with my EKG this morning."  I looked at it and it had a big box around letters that said "ACUTE MI".  MI?  MI?  What does that mean?  He didn't know and I didn't know.  We sat and talked until 8:00 a.m. when he could go in and get his blood drawn.  When the nurse saw the EKG, all hell broke loose.  MI, it turns out means Myocardial Infarction, which means heart attack!  Wait a minute.  He had no pain, no shortness of breath, his oxygen saturation was 100%.  They paged the doctor, talked about putting him in the hospital and then started comparing his EKG to Friday's EKG.  There was almost no difference.  In fact, there wasn't anything in the EKG to suggest that there was a problem except for the flag at the top with the scarey words in it.  Things began to calm down again and eventually sanity prevailed.  There was nothing wrong with him.  No one could understand why the EKG person didn't retake the test, or why she didn't call a Code Blue there, or why she sent him off to walk to his next location.  I'm sure someone is going to be getting their hand slapped over that one!

Surprisingly, I stayed calm throughout this morning.  I knew there was nothing wrong with him.  I'm sure glad that didn't happen Friday when I wasn't there.  I would have felt guilty about being gone.

Today's picture is a view from the other side of the mountain from yesterday.  This was right across the street from where we were staying.

Entry for Monday, November 06, 2006 - The Hills Weren't Alive with the Sound of Music

We had a beautiful weekend in the mountains of Virginia!  We rented a house in the Wintergreen Ski resort.  Luckily they hadn't started making snow there yet, so there were few people and it was peaceful and quiet.  The weather was spectacular, albeit cold....and there was a hot tub!  And the colors!!!  They might have been a little past peak, but they were spectacular none the less.  It was a perfect weekend with wonderful friends. 

The only fly in our ointment so to speak was the fact that the CD player in our beautiful mountain retreat wouldn't read CD's.  We'd brought lots of music, but instead tuned into the music of the mountains, our laughter and each other.

Entry for Friday, November 03, 2006 - Bye

I'm getting ready to leave for my weekend away with my girl friends.  This has been in the *planning* stages since July and we just finalized the plans last night.  Getting on the road is the hardest part of going somewhere.  The woman who is leaving her car at my place just called as she just got on the road.  She had a phone call at 6:30 a.m. from work and has been sending emails and making phone calls since then.  Seems she'll also be on a telecon at 10:30 this morning while we're on the way.  Have I mentioned lately that I'm SO GLAD I'M RETIRED?  Well I am.  My life has enough stress as it is, thank you very much.

So gentle readers, I'm off to have a wonderful weekend, with a group of phenomenal women and I hope your weekend is just as wonderful.

Entry for Thursday, November 02, 2006 - All Souls Day

First I must make a correction to the entry I made yesterday about the Mexican Day of the Dead.  I know I read somewhere that the holiday had been moved, but that source was incorrect.  This holiday also falls on All Souls Day.  Lesson Learned:  Not all information on the internet is correct!  (What a concept)  So today, take a few moments to pray for the souls of the departed, and thank your ancestors that came before you and paved the way.

Today will be a busy day.  I have not yet started packing for my big weekend away with the "girls".  I'm going to go get the oil changed in my car in a few minutes.  After lunch, I'll do my Mom's grocery shopping for the week then Warren and I will head up there to spend the afternoon with her and have dinner.  Then when we get home (if I haven't done it before I leave), I'll have to pack!!!

I won't be posting anything again until Monday, so I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Entry for Wednesday, November 01, 2006 - All Saints Day

Welcome to all Saints Day.  You will remember it from yesterday's blog.  The early church created this day to give honor to all the saints in heaven and to surplant the pagan holiday of Samhain.  Interestingly enough, the Mexican Day of the Dead used to be at this time of year as well, but was moved to April.  I don't remember why (if I ever knew) perhaps its like daylight savings time, more sunlit hours.  And don't we all want to celebrate the dead in the light of day rather than at night?

I spent many hours yesterday afternoon reading the blogs of two gentlemen that have recently been highlighted in Yahoo as being "Interesting".  One is a retired man who spends his time travelling and writing about it.  The interesting thing is that his writing is all in a form of free flowing poetry (not the rhyming type).  The cadence of his poetry has a meditative quality to it that is quite delightful.  I even commented on one of his entries (something I almost never do) that reading his blog was "like a walking meditation".  You feel like you are walking the streets of Williamsburg, or where ever he is along side taking it all in.  If you too would like to experience his work, check out this link:

http://360.yahoo.com/profile-hh0ZOVoldKscPmq2elzSSlY-

The second *interesting* blog is written by an American Zen Buddist Priest.  He is 59, was a psychotherapist, was shot in the head in Vietnam and has (by his own admission) early-stage Alzeimer's disease.  There is a deep inner peace in this man's writings that you might want to check out as well.  The link is: http://360.yahoo.com/profile-8UCds6EzbqKTTvGuFj8lDV.O

After reading these blogs yesterday and noticing that they each have a distinctive voice in their writings, I began thinking about my own writings.  Where is my voice?  As I look back through my entries I seem to jump around from topic to topic.  Do I have a consistent voice?  Can one even tell on their own writing?  Does it even matter?  Perhaps I'm just still in the "finding my voice" place of transition from my working world to my retirement world.

On a side note, I was awakened sometime after 2:00 a.m. this morning by two loud raps on the wall (or the door).  I saw or heard nothing more.  This has happened to me before when someone/something has been trying to get my attention.  We'll have to see what happens next.

 

Entry for Thursday, October 26, 2006 - Writer's Block?

This is just one of those days that hasn't presented any good fodder for the blogosphere.  Tomorrow its back to NIH for chemo.  Right now, I'm going to bed.  Have a nice night.

Entry for Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - Mind/Body Connection

I forgot to tell you all about the funny thing that happened during Warren's clinic visit at NIH yesterday.  We were telling the doctor about the facial tic that he gets sometimes that pulls down the left side of his mouth.  We think it is related to the physical therapy he's been having to stretch his left shoulder.  That side is very stiff due to the surgery he had on his neck.  Anyway after we told her about it, she said to Warren "Maybe you should try acupuncture to help that."  Well, needless to say, I burst out laughing and then had to explain to her how I'd been trying to talk him into it for a few months.  So now he'll have to ask the physical therapist to set some up for him at NIH.  Isn't that funny?  Well it is to me and that's all that matters.  I told Warren that he needs to just accept the fact that acupuncture is in his future.  In all seriousness, its great that they include acupuncture, reiki, and massage into their healing modalities.  I think that is the future of medicine anyway.  The mind/body connection has got to be honored for true healing to take place.  Not every dis-ease of the body can be healed, but healing can occur regardless of physical outcomes.

I need to get busy around here today.  I've got lots of energy so I want to run the vacuum cleaner.  I went to bed at 8:30 last night and didn't get up until 9:00.  Have a great day.  I might post more later if life inspires more topic.

 

Entry for Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - Soup Redux

Today was a chemo day at NIH.  Warren also saw the dermatologist to have the stitches removed from last week's biopsy.  The results from the biopsy revealed that he has a basel cell carcinoma of the skin on his arm (skin cancer).  They say its not the kind that spreads through the body (melanoma), but it will get larger and should be removed.  They won't be doing that there, so we'll have to find a dermatologist locally to have that done sometime in November.  It is not related to his squamous cell carcinomas that are currently being treated, but rather more related to the fact that he was a red head and had very fair skin.  Let the good times roll.

We got home about 3:45 p.m. and I immediately put on my flannel nightgown, a bed jacket and slippers (I've been cold all day).  Once I got comfy, I made myself a hot cup of green tea and settled in with the computer to read my emails and work on this blog.  I'd take a nap, but I'm afraid that I'd just sleep through the night and not fix Warren his dinner, or I'd wake up after an hour and feel groggy the rest of the evening.

I've been trying to decide whether to give you the Winter Squash Soup recipe that I got from my nutritionist or to give you a recipe for what I actually made, because there is a slight difference and both are good.  So what I'll do is give you both.  The first is my adaptation and the second is the "official" recipe.

Cheryl's Easy Butternut Squash Soup



2 pkgs of peeled, cut, seeded butternut squash (available fresh at the Giant)

2 32 oz. boxes of vegetable broth (I use Pacific Organic - you could also use chicken broth)

1 chopped onion

1 cup petite cut baby carrots

1 tsp. ground coriander

1 tsp. ground cumin

1 tsp. tumeric

sea salt to taste

cayenne pepper to taste (1 - 2 pinches)



Put all ingredients into a soup pot and bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to a simmer and cook until all vegetables are very soft.  Let cool slightly and then either puree in a blender or with a blender stick (a great tool by the way).  Soup can be served with a dollop of sour cream or sprinkled with shredded parmesan.

Wonderful Winter Squash Soup



1 winter squash of your choice, cut in chunks (acorn, butternut, pumpkin, etc) with skin on

Optional: 1 yukon gold potato chopped with skin

1 large onion chopped coarsely

2-5 cloves garlic chopped

1 tsp.  ground coriander

1 tsp. tumeric

1 tsp. ground cumin

cayenne pepper to taste (1-2 pinches)

sea salt to taste

extra-virgin olive oil 2-3 tbsp.

water



In a stock pot, saute onion and garlic in olive oil.  After 2-3 minutes, stir in coriander and cumin.  After 2 more minutes stir in tumeric.  Toss in winter squash, pumpkin pieces and potato (if used).  Add water just to cover vegetables.  Bring to a boil and simmer until squash is soft.  If skin is too tough to eat (some melt in your mouth, some don't!), remove cooked chunks and scoop the flesh away from the skin and return the flesh to the soup pot.



Puree in a blender.  Season with cayenne pepper and sea salt.  Serve warm with whole  grain bread and a tossed salad of mixed greens in a vinegrette.

I love soup; homemade soup anyway.  Can you tell?

Have a great evening.

Entry for Monday, October 23, 2006 - Cold Days Need Hot Soups

Yesterday, although I never got dressed, I didn't just sit around and gather moss.  I was in one of my cooking modes.  I made a pot of Hearty Potato Soup, a pot of Winter Squash Soup, I cooked fresh kale, carrots, roasted potatoes, and sweet Italian Sausages.  The vegetables and sausages we had for dinner last night.  The Squash Soup went in the freezer to take on my trip and the Potato Soup we'll have tonight for dinner.  Its cold and windy today; the perfect day for hot soup.  Oh, and before I forget, please add the following to your "Stuff You Should Never Do List".  I had a saute pan with a glass lid that I had in the oven.  When I took it out of the oven I put it in the sink and ran water on it to "cool it down".  Big mistake!  It exploded, luckily it exploded away from me and into the sink.  Also luckily, it broke like safety glass into little pellets.  What a mess!  I know better than to do that, I don't know what I was thinking.

Today I took my car into the dealer to have some safety recall work done.  We only had to be there about an hour, so that wasn't too bad.  While we were waiting, we looked around the showroom at the new Jeep Liberty's and Grand Cherokee's.   I was interested to see if they had re-engineered the dash and console on the Liberty, but it looked about the same.  I was intrigued with the navigation system in the Grand Cherokee, because I have no sense of direction.  My next vehicle will definately have that!  After lunch we went to the grocery store.  That set me back $110.00 and the only meat I bought was sausage (that was on sale!).

Tomorrow its back to NIH for the long day to start week 6.

I'm including the Potato Soup recipe that I use, because its quite good and you might like to make it.  The recipe came from the Taste of Home Magazine.

Hearty Potato Soup



6 medium potatoes, peeled and cut into 1" cubes

2 carrots, diced

6 celery stalks, diced

2 quarts water

1 onion, chopped

6 tablespoons butter or margerine

6 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon pepper

1-1/2 cups milk



In a large kettle, cook potatoes, carrots, and celery in water until tender (about 20 minutes).  Drain, reserving liquid and setting vegetables aside.  In the same kettle, saute onion in butter until soft.  Stir in flour, salt and pepper;  gradually add milk, stirring constantly until thickened.  Gently stir in cooked vegetables.  Add 1 cup or more of the reserved cooking liquid until soup is the desired consistency (should be slightly thickened).  Yield 8-10 Servings (about 2-1/2 quarts).



You can use this recipe as a base and use brocolli or cauliflower instead of potatoes.  For some extra zip I sometimes add an 8 oz. jar of "Cheese Whiz" at the end of cooking.  This gives the soup a slightly cheesy taste which is quite good.

Tomorrow I'll post the recipe for the Winter Squash Soup which I got from my nutritionist.



Have a great evening.

Entry for Sunday, October 22, 2006 - Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today would have been my Dad's 84th Birthday.  He was born October 22, 1922.  In this picture he was probably 23 (sometime in 1945).  He was back from the War and he and Mom had just gotten married.  He served as a staff sargeant in the Marine Corps during World War II.  He was one of the bravest people I have ever known; not so much because of his war service (but that's part of it), but because of the way he lived his life with muscular dystrophy.  Looking at him as a young man, there was no hint of future disability.  I miss him.

Entry for Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - Sometimes Its All Up Hill

Yesterday was an NIH/Clinic/Chemo day.  So as usual, we left the house early.  Because it was primary election day in Maryland, schools were closed and so our Granddaughter got to come with us.  She's a lot like her Grandmother, cranky in the early morning; but we got past that by the time we got to Bethesda.  We had to take an alternate route as they apparently had been playing "roll over the semi" on the inner loop earlier.  In addition to his usual activities on Tuesday, they've decided to have him start doing some physical rehab there (as well as at home) because his left shoulder is starting to droop more and they are fearing that it will lock up if not moved.  For those of you who don't know our history.  In March of 2005, Warren had a radical neck dissection to remove cancerous nodules from his left neck.  This was the first recurrence of his cancer.  During that procedure they removed the left jugular vein, all of the lymph nodes down to his clavicle and the 11th or accessory nerve.  The accessory nerve sends signals from the brain that move the shoulder up and down and hold it in place.  With that nerve gone, the shoulder droops.  At the time we hoped that would be the end of his cancer; however, one and a half months later it showed up again in his neck along the trapezius muscle outside of the original surgical field.  It grew very rapidly and the chemo the oncologist was giving him failed to stem its progress.  It was at that point that we were directed to look for an experimental study, which led us to NIH.  NIH was able to clear the disease in his neck through daily radiation combined with twice weekly chemo for 9 straight weeks.  There are some some places in the chest that are being treated now.  That should bring everyone up to present time.  By the time we got home last evening and our Granddaughter got picked up, we were wiped out for the day.

This morning I woke up with a sinus headache which is starting to go away.  I can't remember the last time I had one of those.

Its cloudy and overcast today with intermittent showers.  I'll have to watch that window in the kitchen to make sure it doesn't start leaking again.  We still haven't heard back from the builder, but they are working what looks to be the same problem in the building next to ours.  In fact they've taken off the siding starting above the third floor down to the below the second floor (first floor there are garages) and they're putting plastic up over the windows.  The siding has been off for over a week, I guess the rain has brought them back to cover the area to keep any additional water from entering the building.  The association still hasn't released the builder (after 3 years) and had to hire an independent building engineer to do a study on issues that need to be corrected prior to release. 

I should go get my hair cut later, but I may wait until tomorrow. 

This seems like a blah kind of day.  Hope you're having a better one.

I would love to visit Machu Pichu; that's why the picture.

Entry for Monday, September 11, 2006 - Things Remembered

Let us have a moment of silence to honor all who lost their lives in New York, at the Pentagon and in that field in Pennsylvania on 9/11/01.  Peace be with you.

Entry for Saturday, September 09, 2006 - All Cried Out

I am all cried out!  I went to see my Mom today and she and my Sister-in-law got to talking about Miss Kitty (their cat) that recently had to be put down.  They needed to talk about her and Mom said they've been doing that all week.  So the three of us sat around and cried.  Anytime anyone cries, I'm right there with them...apparently I'm getting real good at it.  My Sister-in law has been working for the past year (as a volunteer) putting together the family memory book for the Fallen Fire Fighters Foundation's yearly memorial service.  Every year at FEMA in Emmitsburg they have a week-end long series of events to memorialize fire fighters who have lost their lives in the line of duty in the previous year.  She brought out a copy of that to show me and off we went with more tears.  The book is beautiful and she did a fantastic job designing it and laying it out.  The families will be blown away when they see it.  I couldn't read all of the biographies of all those men and women that were written by their families.  It would have broken my heart completely.  I read a few and Patti told me stories of others.  Needless to say my nose is red and my eyes are puffy.  I'm a mess.

The picture is of a forest fire in the Bitterroot National Forest in (Montana) August 6, 2000.  It is savagely beautiful.

 

Entry for Friday, September 08, 2006 - Fresh Air

Sorry I skipped Thursday this week.  I had a lovely visit from my friend Joan yesterday afternoon.  Despite all of the traffic snarls yesterday she still managed to find her way here!  After Joan left, I *thought* about going out to the grocery store, but instead I *fell* into a good book.  I'm currently reading "The House of the Spirits" by Isabel Allende.  Its not new, it was written in 1982, but an excellent read.  I highly recommend it.

Last night I watched "Flight 93" on A&E and had myself a good cry.  I'm sure that won't be the last of those with the 5th year anniversary of 9/11 on Monday.  Its hard to imagine yourself in that situation and wonder whether you'd have the courage to do what had to be done. 

Wasn't yesterday a beautiful day?  I didn't get outside except to walk my friend out when she left, but I did have the windows open all day.  I kept thinking I smelled something burning outside all day and mentioned it to my husband but he didn't smell it.  He said maybe its just the way fresh air smells anymore.  That's a strange thought.  Why would the air smell burnt?  Global warming perhaps?  Anyway, now that the windows are closed overnight there is still this heavy, sweet smell that lingers that wasn't here before the open windows.  Very weird.

Today its off to NIH for chemo again.  I'm hoping that the traffic gods are appeased and we'll have no more Beltway shutdowns.  We have to go three times next week because on Monday he'll have his monthly checkup with the ENT clinic.  We'll tell them about the new neck "blip" on the recent PET scan to see what they make of it; but probably they'll want to wait and see too.

Here's hoping your Friday is lovely.  I might add to this later today if anything shows up in my life that needs to enter the *blogosphere*.

Entry for Friday, September 08, 2006 - An Invisible Sea

Ever since Thursday afternoon, I've been in a funny mood.  I feel as though I'm sinking into some invisible sea; really sinking into myself more and more.  As we drove home from NIH this afternoon, I kept the car window open to let in the air and the noise because I felt like I needed it to feel real, or maybe that's not the most accurate word, to feel more like I'm back in reality.  For a long time I thought it was the aura of the book I'm reading.  Sometimes I fall so far into a good book that I lose all sense of my place in time and the book can become more real that my reality for awhile.  I've been reading pretty much non-stop today.  But then I remembered I've felt this way before, recently.  It happened after acupuncture several weeks ago where I just really detached emotionally from my life and spent a whole day in contemplation.  It was very restorative.  So that is probably what is going on here.  Have I mentioned lately how weird my life really is?

 

Entry for Thursday, August 31, 2006 It's a Small World After All

I had an experience today that made me think "It's a small world".  The reference of course, is to that horrific ride at Disney World in Orlando (located in Fantasy Land).  If you've never had a chance to go on that ride, let me share with you my experience.  First off you are lured in because its a chance to sit down in a boat that is pulled around in air-conditioned comfort; which if you are in Orlando during the summer you are looking for air-conditioning!  Once they have you inside you are sailing past small vignettes of puppet children in their national dress singing "Its a small world after all....." in their language; but one nation's singing overlaps the next and the music is very loud.  Trust me it is total sensory overload and not in a good way.  And it goes on, and on, and on, and on.........  But I digress.  The experience I had today was not like that at all.  It just made me think "Its a small world" and off my brain went to the above.

I started my day by sleeping until 9:40 a.m.  A good start huh?  I had a phone meeting set up for 11:00 with a woman who is my spiritual counselor.  After I spoke with her, I ate breakfast at noon and then got dressed to go see my nutritionist in Silver Spring.  I get to that office and she is standing at the desk with the receptionist and I say hello to them and sit down in the waiting room.  The nutritionist then says to me, there is someone in the waiting room that you know Cheryl, so I look at the other woman there, and she looks at me and we're thinking "huh" we don't know each other.  Then she says her name and we all laugh and I get up and hug the woman that I'd been on the phone at 11:00 with!  I had only met her in person once two years ago.  It was very funny as we'd spoken for an hour that morning and we didn't recognize each other.

After I left Silver Spring I drove back home and went to the grocery store across the street.  My Daughter and Grand-daughter came for dinner.  Megan is spending the night because there is no school tomorrow.

I'm all set to stay home all day tomorrow out of the rain.  My new curtain rods came today so maybe I'll get Warren to put them up for me.  I need to finish up a little housework too before I go get my Mom Saturday morning and bring her down here.

I suppose that I've rambled on enough tonight to make you yawn (even I'm yawning).  Have a peaceful night.

 

Entry for Wednesday, August 30, 2006 - What No Cheesecake?

I met a group of my ex co-workers for lunch today at the Cheesecake Factory.  We were celebrating Grettchen's birthday.  She was my supervisor when I retired and is a genuinely wonderful person to work for.  We all loved her (and still do).  I'd never been to this restaurant but it was quite nice.  The food was good.  I didn't order any cheesecake because I was full but, (note to self - next time just get the cheesecake!).  It was great to see everyone again.

After lunch I drove to my acupuncture appointment.  I got some needles in the insides of my *pinky* fingers today.  Now I must admit that hurt.  Most of the time you feel a little sting and then its over, but the hands are so00000 sensitive.  She said I'm starting to hold more of my treatments from one week to the next which I guess is a good thing, and now we can start building on that.  I always need more tweaking of the pathways for the *emotional* heart.  My poor heart strings have been pretty well battered in the last few years.  I carry a lot of fear there because of Warren's cancer.

Sunday the 3rd is Warren's 73 Birthday so I'll spend tomorrow shopping for his party.  Normally I'd wait until Friday but its supposed to rain all day so tomorrow seems like a better day to be out.  He wants me to make White Chicken Chili for his Birthday dinner.  So now I have to think of what else I can serve, because some people don't eat beans.  I'll post the menu when its finalized.  I don't have to do a cake because my Sister-in-law is bringing a chocolate icecream cake from the Coldstone Creamery (yummy).

Well that was my day.  I hope you had a great one too.  Keep in touch.

 

Entry for Tuesday, August 29, 2006 - A Strange Little Anniversary

A year ago today was the first time we went to NIH.  To celebrate we went to NIH again - go figure.  Even though Warren isn't having chemo this week, they still wanted to see him in clinic to check on his progress.  They've decided they are not going to repeat the PET scan in a month, but rather wait 2 months and then do another CAT and PET scan.  I can't believe its only been a year.  I remember looking at the date on the badges last August and wondering if he'd still be alive when it was time to renew.  The stress of that time shows in the picture of me that they took to put on the ID badge.  Stress seems to be a side-kick of cancer; you just can't get away from it whether you're the patient or the care-giver.  Its not all bad though; you really learn to appreciate the good days and the small gestures.  It can bring you closer as a couple.  I try to etch in my mind all of the things that I love about him.  I don't let things go unsaid anymore.  Every moment is a precious commodity.

The rest of this afternoon I'll probably putter around the house dusting and putting things away.   Hope your day is a good one.  Have some cake.  

Entry for Monday, August 28, 2006 - Something Funny

Change: When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can become deadly projectiles.

My son showed me this website the other day http://www.despair.com/viewall.html that sells *demotivational* posters.  If you have a slightly twisted sense of humor like I do, you'll want to check these out.  I got a great laugh out of them.  The picture today is one of theirs.

I hope you had a great weekend.   I had fun;  I got to see my Aunt Mary and three of my cousins yesterday.  It's always fun to reminisce about childhood memories.  You could feel the presence in the room of those who are no longer with us.

Right now I want to get busy and get some chores done around the house.  Maybe I'll add more to today's blog this evening.......we'll just have to wait and see if anything interesting happens in my life the rest of the day.   

 

Entry for Saturday, August 26, 2006 - Sailor Suits Must be Timeless

If you look back to the picture of two days ago of my children in their sailor outfits in 1975 then look at this photo of my Grandfather Ivan (seated) and his Brother Francis (standing) probably taken about 1903 or 04, you'll see that Mother's having been dressing their children in these outfits for quite awhile.  I see a lot of my Dad in his Father's face.  I just love having these old family pictures.  I also love having family antiques.  I enjoy using plates that my Great-Grandmother used on her table.  It makes me feel connected to her in spirit.  I have the grandfather clock in my foyer that stood in her house as well and came from the farm house of my Great-great Grandfather.  It no longer keeps time, but it does tick if I wind it.  Not many of us would still be *ticking* after all that time. 

I didn't go to my Mom's today because I'm going tomorrow.  My Aunt Mary and three of my cousins will be visiting her tomorrow and I'm going up then and taking dinner for the group.  I decided to make pulled pork barbeque for sandwiches, with cole slaw, potato salad (not everyone likes cole slaw) and chips with buttermilk brownies (iced) for dessert.

Next week is shaping up to be busy for us.  Warren is going to the Dentist on Monday afternoon and I may be watching Megan that evening; Tuesday morning its NIH for clinic but no chemo; Wednesday I'm going out to lunch then on to Silver Spring for acupuncture; Thursday I have another appointment in Silver Spring; Friday I'd better clean the house (Ha!); Saturday I'm picking up my Mom for the weekend as my Brother and his Wife are going to a wedding in Pennsylvania; and Sunday is Warren's 73'rd Birthday and I want to have a family dinner party for him (sans the aforementioned Brother and his Wife).  OK, now I'm tired!  Best just take all that one day at a time.

I hope you're weekend is going well.  I'm hoping for rain, but it doesn't appear forthcoming.