Yesterday marked 11 months since Warren's passing. I feel like I've entered into "the valley of the shadow of death" that will lead me to the anniversary of one year. How can that much time have passed already? It doesn't seem to get any easier.
My doctor wants me to have a hysterectomy. She has referred me to a gynecological oncologist. I do not have cancer, I have complex atypical endometrial asplasia. Apparently this condition can lead to cancer in 27% of cases. Everyone seems to want to overlook the fact that 73% of cases won't. After spending 5 years submerged in the world of cancer and oncologists with Warren, I can't tell you how much I don't want to go see this doctor. To an oncologist there are only two conditions, cancer and pre-cancer. I have not yet made the appointment. I probably will do this if only to stop the spotting which started a few months before Warren's death.
My granddaughter had her fourth seizure since Christmas day in the back seat of my car on the way home from school last week. So they are upping her medication again. Oh and I also had to have a crown re-done last month. Fun, fun, fun.
I'm tired, probably a little depressed, and so ready for something to shift.
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Mourning will get better as the anniversary to mark the passing of your husband gets nearer.
ReplyDeleteAfter all of the medical issues with Warren perhaps, you should doubly make sure you don't get sick with the dreaded "C" word.
You have gone through a barrel full of emotions so it is ok to be depressed or any other feeling that may hit you at any time in the next few months.
Good luck and love,light and peace.
PS: Today would be my fathers birthday. He would be eighty today if he was alive.
ReplyDeleteIn 1975 they began what is called Earth Day on April 22nd.
My father died in 1973 so he was never aware that Earth Day is on his b-day but I always think of him and I am very very happy that today is Earth Day.
Happy Earth Day Cheryl!
I will send some energy your way Cheryl. Here's praying for that "shift!"
ReplyDeleteOncologists are not (the ones I've met) cheery people at least in terms of their prognoses. They rank right up there with (my faves) cardiologists.
ReplyDeleteI don't usually leave graphics to cheer people up, but I thought I would try and I remember you like crows. So I went to my favorite graphic site and put in crows. OMG!! No, I would never put any of those images on anyone's site. Unless they were totally into Goth, which I have nothing against, but not cheery. So the Universe, or at least the graphics Universe, is telling me to love you as you are, not feel like I must change how you are feeling. I should know this by now.
Sending good thoughts your way for you and the little one. Hang in there =)
ReplyDeleteCheryl... I can't know what you're going through, but I send my spiritual strength your way.
ReplyDeleteThe first anniversary is a hard one. My thoughts and prayers will be with you through this time. I'll wrap you tight in my smoke!!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for bearing witness to my grief. It is not an easy task but I appreciate your kind words and thoughts.
ReplyDeleteGrief is a hard thing to go through. You are a great inspiration.
ReplyDeleteIt will start to get easier soon.
Time is a natural healer.
Anniversaries can be very hard. Know you're in my thoughts. I hope the health situation settles down!
ReplyDeleteAlthough difficult for some to do, sharing your grief will hopefully bring a bit of relief to you. Almost like airing it means you can let that tiny chip of it go and disperse. It does take a long time for it to lessen.
ReplyDeleteAs for the dr's., they are hardwired to want to fix you. I'd imagine that in their opinion, 27% is a big enough risk that they feel removing the possible condition might result in a 100% efficacy in eliminating a need to visit them again for that problem. I know you will trust your guts to let you know what you are to do, but try not to let your mind get in the way. Warren's experience needn't be yours.
Big smiles and warm wishes to you today!