At Four Months - 9/21/08

I'm still working on my house.  I bought paint to paint the office before the new furniture arrives but I haven't done it yet.  I'm baby sitting yet another cat; one belonging to old friends of Warren's.  He'll be here until next Saturday a total of 10 days.  My son's two cats will be joining the party on Wednesday night and that should prove really interesting.  Speaking of my son, he has found "the one" so there will be a daughter-in-law in my future.  Her name is Jen (as is my daughter's).  Those of you who remember the Bob Newhart Show where he was an inn keeper, will understand the fun I will have saying "This is my daughter Jennifer and this is my other daughter Jennifer."  Remember the Darryl's?

The pain of grief is changing somewhat and perhaps not in a way you would expect.  Knowledge of the foreverness (at least on this plane of existence) of the separation is more real to me now.  It catches me when I see his pictures or think of him during the days and nights.  And yet, and yet sometimes he is here, so close I can feel him; no separation at all.

One night last week the bedroom was full of spirits who were trying to get my attention.  Suddenly Warren was sitting on the bed and leaning over me saying "I'm protecting you now" and all the rest of them went away.  I fell asleep in his energy that night.  I am so incredibly grateful for the contact I do have with him.

"Time does not bring relief..."

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go,--so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!

Edna St. Vincent-Millay