My New TV Armoire - 8/27/08

Here it is in my house.  Not much difference I have beige walls and carpet.  This home is still a work in progress.

I just love this thing!

I Take It Back - 8/27/08

I take back the almost mean thing I said about AAA the other day. I've since discovered that their real worth isn't in emergency car repairs or towing, its discounts on everything else. The one year subscription to AAA service cost me $65.99. This week alone I've saved close to $170 dollars on AAA discounts I got at the service station, and my eye exam and new glasses at Lenscrafters! I know you can also get discounts on hotels and rental cars with that card too. Woohoo!! And the best part?? I don't have to use an AARP card which would remove any shadow of a doubt about my real age.

Delayed Maintenance - 8/25/08

As you know I've had to stay pretty close to home over the past few years because of my husband's illness so I haven't been taking care of maintenance of me very well. I guess its catching up to me. On Friday evening the stem on my glasses broke off at a hinge. I decided that I'd go over to Lenscrafters first thing Saturday morning to see if I could get them fixed. When I got down to my car it wouldn't start. It just clicked. Uh oh! I did what any red-blooded American widow would do, I called AAA. They arrived in a record 30 minutes. They checked out the battery and said it was fine, just drained. They said I must have left a door partly open or something (I didn't by the way). They jumped started the car and told me to run it for 30 minutes to recharge the battery, but they noticed I was almost out of gas so I should drive it to the gas station, keep it running while filling it, and then let it sit running for 30 minutes. Funny it had said I had 19 miles left when I'd parked it on Tuesday. So I went to the gas station and started pumping gas and the car quit. I proceeded to finish filling the tank and then tried to start it again, but the car was having none of that. Since I was stuck blocking a gas pump, I figured they'd be inclined to help me at the station and sure enough they came out to jump start the car. I explained to him what the AAA guys had told me and he said I should pull the car into the service bay and let him check it out because "those guys are tow truck drivers and wanna be mechanics but they weren't mechanics". He jump starts the car, takes his gadget off the battery and I start to pull out and the car stops again. He he puts the charger back on and leaves it on while I drive into the bay. It turns out the battery was dead and gone. He told me that factory batteries generally only last 2-3 years so and if I got 6 years out of it, "that battery didn't owe me a thing." So I got a new battery. I came home and cancelled the appointment I had at the car dealer's on Monday to have some routine maintenance done and check out the battery. Apparently even though it was acting fine prior to Saturday, my "spidey senses" were telling me that time was up! I took it back to the service station this morning to have them do the routine work. They are a block from my house and I walked home after I dropped it off.

I'm trying hard not to think that AAA was wasted money to join because without their initial jump start, I wouldn't have gotten where I needed to go to get the car fixed.

On Sunday I thought I'd go to Lenscrafters but realized it was the day before school starts in this county, and they're located in the mall. I didn't want to join the insanity. Instead I called and made an appointment for Tuesday morning to get my eye exam there and hopefully new glasses in a reasonable amount of time. I wasn't sure Friday night when I went to bed how I was going to function without my glasses as I can't read anything without them anymore unless the letters are as big as trees. I woke up Saturday morning thinking about soldering them. I think my dear departed husband was trying to help me from the other side, sending me pictures of his soldering iron. Of course I have no idea where that is anymore and played with the idea of using the hot glue gun too, but while searching for the soldering iron, I came across black electrical tape. How geeky is that!! So I've got them taped together and that is working quite well.

I guess I need to schedule some medical appointments for myself too before body parts start falling off. I get the message Oh Universe. The time has come to take care of Cheryl.

The new TV armoire that I ordered for the living room is arriving tomorrow afternoon. I noticed last night that it is now on sale for $400.00 less than I paid for it. My daughter told me to call their customer service department and have them give me a refund so I called this morning and they told me to call back within 30 days once I've received the piece and ask for a price adjustment. That was a nice surprise. I'll be more likely to shop from them again than if they'd said too bad for you lady. (Pottery Barn in case you're interested). I'd had my eye on that piece of furniture for over a year and decided I'd better order it before they quit selling it. I hadn't seen anything I liked as well.

I've been thinking about going to Florida for a few weeks this Fall but where my condo is they received 33 inches of rain in the course of 3 days with "Fay". I haven't heard yet, whether the building we're in there took on water or not. Since the building is ocean front its on a little higher ground than the houses a block away. Thank goodness our unit is on the 3rd floor. I'm sure the beach eroded quite a bit during all that too. I may have to put off my trip until Spring.

At Three Months - 8/21/08

Today is the 3-month anniversary of Warren’s passing.  I had hoped I’d have reached a place of acceptance by now, but it is a tenuous cease-fire at best.  Some days are fine, some are just really sad.  I try to keep busy, but there isn’t always enough to fill the days.

My Granddaughter goes back to school on Monday so I’ll have more time on my hands and I won’t be responsible for anyone else’s well being.  I may bottom out which may be a good thing.  There is no place to go but up from the bottom of your sorrow is there?  Please don’t feel sorry for me.  This is exactly where I should be at this point in time, exactly where I need to be.  There is no quick fix available; grief must be endured until it fades with time.  In truth I don’t want it to fade away too quickly as that would devalue what has been lost.  

Grief is one of the fundamental truths of the universe.  Because we can love, we can mourn the loss of it.  It can break us, change us, but it always transforms our lives into something different and hopefully stronger.  Stronger for having survived it; stronger for being able to say where do I go from here?   So you see I am moving forward.  I am laying the ground work for this new life of mine.  I have friends and family that care about me; I’m not alone in the world.  I have everything I require to go on and so I shall.

1964 A Good Year - 8/14/08

Apparently 1964 was a good year for me.  This picture was taken by my folks the evening of my Senior Prom.  I'm of course more senior now than I was then.

A Bump in the Road - 8/12/08

Things were going pretty good here until a week or so ago.  I was  cleaning out the hall closet and found Warren's running shoes.  I decided that no one would really want someone else's stinky old running shoes so I threw them out.  That small action opened up the flood gates again.  Those shoes were such a reminder of him as a strong, healthy man.  The last time he wore them was walking on the beach in Florida in April 2007.  That was also the last time he really felt well.  

Grief is such damn hard work.  Just when you think you're making a little progress, something pulls the rug out from underneath your feet again.  There is still a pair of his shoes sitting the the foyer and his hat is on the hall tree.  I don't know when I'll have strength enough to remove them.  They allow me to pretend at some level that things are normal.   But I must confess to you that I'm having a hard time coming to terms with this new normal.

Overconfidence - 8/4/08

My daughter sent me some seriously funny "Motivational Posters" today.  This is one that I can post without offending anyone.