I can not begin to tell you how much I hate filling out forms. It seems all I've been doing since Warren died is notifying someone about it and then filling out their pile of forms. I had one more big package to do yesterday and I looked at it and decided I didn't have a clue where to begin. This morning I called them and made them walk me through the forms. That done, I had to scan them all and then print out a copy for my files. God forbid I should send something out that I don't have documented. Then I had to go to the bank and get my signature guaranteed. Then all the forms wouldn't fit in their postage paid envelope so I got a priority mail envelope and spent $4.60 cents to send it. It just wears me out.
My other diversion is shredding paper. My husband, bless his heart, was a bit of a pack rat when it came to paper. So I've been sorting out what to keep (not much) and creating a filing system for that, and shredding the rest that had names or addresses. If the shredder lasts through all this, I'll be very surprised. I've taken over his office so that I can run the household from there and have all the files I need at my fingertips.
Emotionally I've discovered there are little grief time bombs all over the house. I found corn bread in the freezer that I made for him the last time I made pinto beans and that just set me off. Who cries over corn bread? The other night it was the bathrobe I'd made for him for our second Christmas together. I guess over time these things won't be as painful as they are now. There is no way to get through this without going through this.....damn it.
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Hello Cheryl/
ReplyDeleteThis is a very difficult time for you.
I don't know if this will be any consolation to you,at this confusing time but I have heard that God does not give us anything that we can't handle.
You are very brave and it is completely natural to have lots of differing emotions. Anger is one of them. Sadness and many other very complicated feelings are all apart of the mourning process..
Your dreams will help to connect you to your husband. Try to get plenty of sleep and eat nutritional snacks that do not require a lot of preparation time. For example; raw almonds and blueberries.are a healthy and they are easy to take with you when you have to go out..
I don't know if any of this advise will help you but it is important for you to take good care of your self at this very confusing time. You are very brave to share all of your personal feelings with us and I hope that you are managing the best that you can.
Sincerely,
Erika
Thanks Erika
ReplyDeleteSomeone who loved her husband very much cries over cornbread. As for the forms, they are horrendous. I remember after my mother died all the forms and not really being able to help my father.
ReplyDeleteDon't waste the cornbread...I would take a bite.
ReplyDeleteYou know...it sounds so trite...but it is so true...time will help....maybe not completely heal, but it will get easier...We are all praying for you and sending you lots of strength.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, paperwork! I remember Form He**. After Linda, then Dad, then Mom I was in the land of forms for almost 3 years. And the little grief time bombs too. But maybe forms aren't so bad. They give you time off from grief; the universe's way of giving you busy work and a modicum of solace .
ReplyDeleteBennett, thank you.
ReplyDeleteIggy, its still in the freezer. I'll save it for you.
Jerene, thank you.
Sharon, I guess I should be happy the universe didn't give me road paving to do instead of paper work.
I love corn bread too. When you are up to it I would love the recipe for that corn bread. It sounds really good.
ReplyDeleteTrue, but think of what great abs you would have gotten!!
ReplyDeleteRoad paving is easier. That's just me.
ReplyDeleteYou know I have to mess up and respond to your "old blog" so to save you the trouble of going there, basically what I said was "I didn't KNOW you knew how to make bathrobes..a woman of many talents" and sorry you have to go through all the paperwork but moreso, all the memories that are wonderful to remind you of what was so special about your relationship and how hard it is now that he's not there everyday.
ReplyDeleteI love you...let me know if you need to borrow my shredder (if you fill out all the proper forms and send me MORE than $4.60 in postage, I can lend it to you..just keep your fingers out of it LOL--sorry everyone, personal joke, Cheryl understands).
Spoken like a woman whose had her hand in a big shredder and lived to tell about it :-)
ReplyDeleteLove you too D.
Thanks for telling your life in your beautiful and touching "voice". It means alot to me.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Sal
I kind of envy you this time you are going through, I miss that sometimes. I know that sounds really odd, but I was extremely close to my Mother and I enjoyed those little moments I had with her things.
ReplyDeleteI have a story for you: When we were at the funeral home my brother and sister asked what jewelry we should keep on her and what to bary her with, we decided on taking all of it off, but one nickles when we buried her. It was her fairy nickles (my sister wanted the other nickles and earrings. In April when I went to her camper to move it to where I had a site for the summer I walked through it to make sure everything was in order. When I went into the small bathroom I began to cry...laying across the sink was her fairy nickles. I still have it today, it is one of the greatest gifts she has ever given me. I never questioned how it got there and I never told my brother or sister that she gave it to me!
Sally thank you.
ReplyDeleteNym, what a wonderful gift your Mother gave you! Thank you for sharing your story. A friend of mine put a piece of a crystal in her Father-in-law's jacket pocket just as they were closing the lid on the casket. Later that evening, she found the crystal back in her own jacket pocket.
ReplyDeleteYou said it best - there is no way to go through it without going through it. I've heard of this nightmare from other travelers of the same path. it sounds so harrowing. I'm surprised no one has started a business that will simply take care of all this stuff for you - just call you when they have another question that they couldn't answer from filling out another form. Cause I'm sure you're mostly writing down the same info over and over again. That's a business that could be a blessing to people in the middle of their grief.
ReplyDelete