Life Here - 4/9/08

I used to think that death was an event that happened all at once.  I'm learning that death is a process and is different for every person.  I never thought that my husband would see the end of January.  When that date passed, I thought surely February would be his last few weeks.  Here we are in April and while he is showing some disease progression, his quality of life is still relatively high.  I have to constantly remind myself to take care of me too; to pace myself; to rest. 

Last Tuesday he had another of what we thought was a TIA (mini-stroke).  The hospice people now think it may have been a seizure.  They based that on his mental state for the hours immediately following the event.  He was in a sort of quiet, contemplative yet confused state that usually follows seizure activity.  I don't think it really makes a difference which it was.  Both would indicate a neurological disturbance in the body brought about by the tumors.  Last Tuesday afternoon he fell, but managed to get himself back up off the floor.  His ankle and knee were sore and we used ice on them for two days, but his ankle is still black and blue.  He says it doesn't hurt, but I wonder if he could have cracked the bone and is just so full of pain meds that he doesn't feel the pain.  His ankle was swollen before so you can't really tell by that.  He really doesn't remember anything about Tuesday at all.  Its been erased for him.

I decided the last time I went for groceries that I wasn't going to do that anymore for the duration.  The Giant chain has a grocery delivery service called Peapod.  This week I opened an account on line and ordered my groceries.  They were delivered on Monday right to my front door.  I was pleased with the service.  I checked pull dates for freshness and everything was fine.  There are some things you can't seem to get and there are less options on some things, but all in all it works for me.

The weather here has been overcast and rainy/drizzly for over a week now.  I think tomorrow we're supposed to get some sun shine.  I'm looking forward to Spring looking and acting a little more Spring-like.

Our days are quiet and revolve around the medication schedule.  I try to keep busy with the housekeeping and bookkeeping because that helps keep my spirits on an even keel.  The home health aide has been here already this morning and the hospice nurse will be here for her second visit of the week.  Apparently his BP was up a little on Monday and she wanted to check on him again today.

That should catch everyone up with us.  I hope you all are having a wonderful day.