Letting go of Symbols - 2/18/06

Today we had to have Warren's wedding ring cut off because of swelling in his hand. He hadn't taken it off in 27 years. It would have been emotionally devastating to me except that a funny thing happened at the jewelers. The ring did not want to be cut off. They brought out the tool with the little grinding wheel which usually will cut through a ring in just a few minutes. The grinding wheel would not turn. He brought out some snippers, then some more heavy duty snippers, then back to the grinding wheel again with no luck. I said "Looks like you couldn't have gotten away from me even if you'd tried." The woman behind the counter asked the jeweler what kind of metal it was. He said yellow gold. I thought about making up a story about alien technology but then thought better of it. I began to worry about what we'd do if he couldn't get the ring off his finger.

Then I thought who is blocking this? Is it Warren, is it me? I closed my eyes and mentally released the ring. I just let it go. The jeweler picked up the grinding wheel one last time, and this time the wheel turned and in less than a minute the band was cut, pried apart and for the first time in over a quarter of a century it was off my husband's hand.

It is being repaired and I will wear it on a chain around my neck for the foreseeable future. Just another lovely day in cancer land.

I thank whatever universal law was at work in that jewelry store this afternoon that turned what could have been so sad into something I could laugh about and for allowing me to release the symbol for what it was, just a symbol and not what it represents. What it represents, I'll never let go.