Hospice - 11/30/07

On Wednesday, the day that hospice called us to set up an appointment, Georgetown also called to set up an appointment for a PET scan. They have finally decided that they can treat Warren with the cyber-knife radiation. We met with hospice yesterday and today, the nurse who will be the one to see us most of the time is supposed to come by. We are officially under hospice care. We're still waiting for a call back from the Doctor at Georgetown. We did find out from hospice yesterday that Warren could be signed out of hospice temporarily to receive a treatment and then signed back in with no loss of benefit. The problem is that Warren's condition has deteriorated since the doctors at Georgetown saw him in October and I don't believe he is strong/well enough to even manage the stress of the PET scan. That would involve fasting for at least 4 hours (some PET's its 12) and he has pain meds that need to be taken with food. Another problem is that you have to lay flat for several hours and he would be in excruciating pain if he had to do that. They say they can anesthetize patients for that, but then you have a secondary problem that men (especially older men) get from anesthesia that causes the prostate to swell and then requires a cathatarization. If they'll still need 5 weeks to plot the treatment plan after the PET, who knows what his condition will be then, or if he'll even be here. I want him to turn down this option. I think the ship has sailed on this being able to help him and will only cause him more discomfort.

I feel so much better knowing that hospice is involved. I can call them 24/7 if there are problems or if he falls or has sudden outbreaks of pain. I don't have to call 911. They deliver the drugs he needs to us. They come to the house to check on him and arrange to have hospital beds or wheel chairs if needed. They assure me that he can stay here at home, no matter what happens as the disease progresses. I can get aides to help if his physical care is too much for me to manage (bathing, etc.) Because he has Medicare Part A there is no time limit in how long he can be in in-home hospice care. Hell, I think I want to put myself in hospice now too....of course I probably have to wait until I have Medicare.

I have to let Warren run his process for deciding about Georgetown. I've made my opinions known on the matter. I hope he tells them "no".

On to the more mundane; I've run 4 loads of laundry through the washer and it hasn't leaked again so I think I'm going to cancel my appointment with Sears. It could be it was an "out of balance" thing.

I took Mom's comforter to the dry cleaners yesterday and it will cost her another $37 to get it cleaned. Pretty soon she would have spent enough cleaning it to buy a new one. My brother is taking her to see the cardiac specialist this morning to see about a pace maker.

Have a lovely day on this last day of November 2007.

It Doesn't Take Much - 11/27/07

It doesn't take much to make me happy sometimes. Today when I went to pick up my Granddaughter from school the odometer in my car read 77,776 so I drove around the parking lot of the high school until the odometer ticked over that one extra mile so I could take a picture. I've been waiting for the all sevens.

I ended up having to cook Thanksgiving dinner because my Brother's family got their annual Thanksgiving bout of the flu. I had planned ahead for just such a contingency and had a 4 pound turkey breast in the freezer. My kids and my Granddaughter were here for dinner as was my Mom and we still had leftovers. It could be because I had other things to eat as well (big understatement there).

I took my Mom back home on Saturday and her cat had taken a dump on her down comforter again (twice while she was gone) and also peed on it too. (Note to self: I don't think I want a cat anymore.) The comforter had just come back from the dry cleaner the weekend before. Apparently when kitty gets angry at the humans that is her new avenue for venting her feelings. I had told my Mom to be sure to shut her bedroom door before she left. She pushed it closed, but didn't latch it. I so wanted to scream and bang my head against the wall but I didn't. So I spot cleaned the darn comforter and will haul it to the dry cleaners in the morning. I think the cat is upset because my sister-in-law has been gone every weekend for the last month helping to clean out her Mom's apartment. Her Mom just went into assisted living. Anyone know a Cat Whisperer who can tell this feline to CUT IT OUT?

I put the Christmas tree up over the weekend which is very early for me. I wanted to make sure Warren would be able to enjoy it plus it does cheer the place up with the lights.

The social worker at NIH called me today to tell me that she'd submitted the paperwork to hospice but they needed a referral from a Maryland licensed doctor (apparently the Federal doctors we've been seeing at NIH are licensed in different states) so she gave hospice the information for our outside ENT/surgeon. We just love him anyway. He is so caring. I called his office this afternoon to let him know that hospice would be calling him for a referral and he said he'd take care of it. I know he was disappointed to hear that we were at that stage now. The social worker told me we should have something in place by the end of the week and that hospice should call us tomorrow.

I haven't had much interest in writing in the blogs lately and I'm not sure how much of it I'll do in the short term.

As if there wasn't enough going on here, the washing machine leaked a little water when I used it over the weekend and when I called to get an appointment to have it fixed, the earliest they could give me is December 5th. Warren said I could buy a new washer and get it installed sooner (he knows I hate the one we have), but its only 4 years old and that would seem the ultimate in waste to have it hauled away. I think I will just use the machine (or try too) and keep the wet vac handy just in case the leak develops into a river.

My Mother just called. She'd been to the cardiologist yesterday to get a heart monitor which she wore for 24 hours. She'd been complaining that her heart had been skipping beats. She was saying last night when I talked to her that it hadn't skipped any while she had the monitor on. Apparently she was wrong. Her doctor just called back and said her heart had stopped 26 times in the time she had the monitor on for sometimes 3 seconds or more at a time. He said if she didn't feel those, then the times she does feel it must be bad. He wants her to consult a specialist ASAP to see about getting a pacemaker. She told me over Thanksgiving that maybe she was ready to go home too and I told her I would prefer it if she and Warren wouldn't both do it at the same time.

If I say uncle will it stop?

Happy Thanksgiving - 11/21/07

Have a happy day tomorrow however you celebrate it.  Here are a few cartoons I got from my siser-in-law today.  I had to share!

 

 

Solar Return - 11/20/07

Today marks the suns return to the exact place it was on the day I was born.  In other words, it’s my Birthday.  I’m glad we celebrated on Sunday because today was not one of my happiest Birthday’s.  We had an appointment at NIH this morning so that Warren could have his mediport flushed and get his prescriptions refilled.  They were upset that we haven’t heard anything back from Georgetown yet, but I told them I didn’t think Warren was strong enough anymore to go through that anyway.  We told them about the sharp pains he’s been having in his left leg and they thought that probably meant the tumor was progressing.  The sent him for x-rays on his legs to rule out a metastasis to the leg.  The doctor is going to call Georgetown himself tomorrow to see if he can get an answer.  We’re going back in 2 weeks to decide what the next steps should be.  We talked to the social worker about hospice and she is going to check it out for our county and try to set up an interview for us.  Apparently Warren could still participate in studies at NIH under hospice care because they aren’t considered treatments.  However, they don’t have anything available right now that wouldn’t make him sicker than he already is.  So the decision in early December will probably be that hospice is the best thing now.  I don’t want him to have a medical emergency and end up in the ER where they might do things to him that he wouldn’t want at the end of his life.  So we need a plan set up to handle what’s coming.  These are hard decisions to make, but they need to be made.  I can’t just sit and wait and then be ill prepared.  My goal is for him to be as comfortable as he can be, without measures being taken that would only prolong the dying process.

Leaking Windows - 11/19/07

I’ve spoken before about a leaky kitchen window in my home.  When we get a hard, driving rain from the East, it leaks across the header above the window, in fact there is a long crack in the drywall of the header and signs of water damage.  Yesterday we had a water test of our window.  The testing is being done to document structural problems in the community that the builder is being sued to repair.  I’m not sure the repairs will be done in my lifetime.  Once things get tied up with lawyers, well let’s just say it can take awhile.

 

For the first part of the test they put plastic over the outside of the window and directed a sprinkling system that produces a standard amount of water over a fixed amount of time at the sill level of our window.  Then they raised the cherry picker up to a level above our window for 20 minutes, still no leaks.  They then raised it up to the sill of the window on the 4^th floor for 20 minutes.  It didn’t leak there either.  Finally, they directed the water at a point above the window on the floor above us (the 4^th) and bingo, we had water leaking in like crazy.  We now know where the water is entering the building.  Then they proceeded to cut two holes in the drywall inside my kitchen below and above the window so they could see if there was water damage inside the walls.  I’m sure glad I hadn’t painted in there yet.

 

The next part of the test, they took the plastic down and sprayed the window itself to ensure that it didn’t leak there too, but I don’t think it did.

 

They were in and out working yesterday from 8:00 a.m. until after 2:00 p.m.  They were very nice, took their shoes off indoors and cleaned up after themselves.  The young man that did most of the work inside was just as sweet and cute as he could be and was a pleasure to talk to.

What if God Was One of Us? - 11/15/07

Friend Tom alluded in his blog today to the TV show Joan of Arcadia which I loved. That got me to thinking about the theme song. So here it is. "What if God Was One of Us?" by Joan Osbourne. Enjoy.

Lost - 11/13/07

Poem: “Lost,” by David Wagoner, from Collected Poems 1956-1976 (Indiana University Press).

Lost

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

Color is Good - 11/9/07

 

Maxine Says:  Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot.

My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just think in colors....

Fill your plate with bright colors...greens, yellows, reds, etc.

I went right home and ate an entire bowl of:

And sure enough, I felt better right away. Who knew eating right could be so easy?

The Importance of Living Your Life in Present Time - 11/8/07

You hear a lot of advice about living in the present and being in the now, but what does that really mean. According to Carolyn Myss (a well known teacher and medical intuitive), it means bringing back the pieces of your spirit that have left your body and continue to energize your past or your possible futures.

Let's say for purposes of this discussion that you have 100 units of your spirit that are available for your use in your everyday life. When your eyes first pop open in the morning and you start thinking about your day, watch what areas of your life you think about. Picture them as rooms and you are going down the hall turning the lights on or walking past the doors.

Do you think about the problem employee at work that you have to have a discussion with later? You are sending some of your spiritual units ahead to prepare for that meeting.

Let's also say you have to fly to Los Angeles later in the week and you're terrified of flying. Fear of flying will get lit up by your spirit.

Now throw in your bad childhood, relationships, that time you got fired unfairly and you can see where before you even leave the house in the morning, 50% of your spiritual energy could be focused outside of your body and not available for use in present time.

If you then run into traffic problems, irritable people, money problems, or not feeling well, or you're caring for a sick loved one. It could be that there isn't much of you left available for you.

This takes a real toll on your physical body and can manifest in illness if substantive change isn't made in time.

Of course some of this is unavoidable, but you can make a huge difference in how much energy you have available by letting what happened to you in the past go. Its over, you were a child and couldn't help you. Open your prison door and let yourself out. They can't hurt you in the present. You can't change what happened, you can forgive; or if you can't forgive, turn it over to God. If the trauma happened to you as an adult, you have the same power to turn it over. It happened to you, but it doesn't define who you are.

In my own life I find that if I stay in present time, I can find the simple pleasure in being here with my husband and enjoy our life together. If I allow my mind to energize our past too much, I spend the day crying. If I energize the future without him, the sadness overwhelms me. And so I say "I am right here, right now, in this house in this time. All is well."

It will take you time to build the practice of knowing where your spirit is in time and calling it back. Its not easy, but it will make dramatic changes in your life if you can become more aware. When you are aware of what you're doing to yourself, you have choices. You can choose to live.

Under the Weather - 11/6/07

I'm under the weather here.  I came down with what I thought was a cold yesterday morning, but by last evening I had chills and a slight fever.  Went to bed at 8:30 p.m. and slept for 14 hours.  Today I have a squeaky voice, a stuffed up head, but no fever yet.  Fun, fun, fun.

We've had several calls from Georgetown over the last few days, but things there are still uncertain.  I've surrendered to whatever process is going on.  If its meant to happen it will, if it isn't it won't.  Every now and then I have to come back to the realization that I'm not in charge of the whole world and its workings.  I know!  What a shock that must be for you all to read as well.

Now that I'm sick, I have permission to do nothing so that's what I'm doing.  Nothing.

On a lighter note, we went out for a short time yesterday morning because Warren wanted to get my birthday present (no, its not my birthday, but sometime this month).  He got me a Roomba which is a robotic vacuum cleaner.  I love this thing.  It does surprisingly well and the real beauty of it is that it goes under the beds and other furniture and I don't have to.  I've been talking about getting one for awhile but always worried that it would be a waste of money.  I'm here today to say it wasn't. 

 

I may be doing nothing, but my robot friend (seen above) is working its little battery off :-)

 

I Don't Want to Miss a Thing - 11/4/07

 

You'll have to forgive me I'm trying to embed in my memory the directions for embedding music in my posts. I like the sentiment in this one too, and NASA saves the world! Does it get any better than that?

A Little Night Music

The Autumn Cooking is Done - 11/2/07

Those of you who've been reading me for awhile may recall the debacle of the vegetable soup last winter; the 3 gallons of vegetable soup I made right before the big ice storm. There were only two of us here to eat it! A lot went in the freezer and we did our best to eat our vegetables, but it was a lot of soup. I vowed never to do that again, but as you know time softens memory. Its sort of like the pain of childbirth, you forget after awhile. Anyway, I'm making a long story even longer than it needs to be. Today I made 3 gallons of Minestrone, a nice Italian vegetable soup with beans and pasta. But was that enough for me? Oh no, I also made a pot of Butternut Squash soup and 3 loaves of Zucchini Bread. (I only made the squash soup because I bought the squash at the store this week and had to use it, and I only made the bread because I had a large zucchini leftover that wouldn't fit into the gigantic soup pot.) I think I don't have to cook anymore now for the rest of the year. I think I need a bigger freezer. I think I need an intervention.

I won't post this recipe unless someone needs soup for 30.

Is That Me? - 11/1/07

 

Picture is of me (on the left) and my friend Dorene when we had dinner a month ago.

Poem: "I.D. Photo" by Rachel Hadas, from The River of Forgetfulness. © David Robert Books, 2006. Reprinted with permission. (The Writer's Alamanac)

I.D. Photo

Since I can feel my radiant nature shine
Out of my face as unmistakably
As sunlight, it comes as a shock to see
The features that apparently are mine.

Mirrors are not a lot of fun to pass,
And snapshots are much worse. Take the I.D.
Picture taken only yesterday
(Take it-I don't want it): sallow face

Pear-shaped from smiling-lumpy anyway,
Droopy, squinty. General discouragement.
I'd blame the painter, if this were in paint,
But can't avoid acknowledging it's me,

No likeness by an artist I could blame
For being bad at matching in with out.
What I see, alas, is what I get.
Victim and culprit are myself and time—

Having seen which, it's time to turn aside;
Look out from, not in at, an aging face
That happens to be mine. No more disgrace
Lies in having lived then having died.