Connection and Connections - 4/14/07

The view from the balcony at our condo in Cape Canaveral

I think I've finally ironed out my connectivity issues. I had to set up an alternate e-mail account on Earthlink as I could receive mail in my normal incoming e-mail account but couldn't send it for some reason, even after changing the smtp address for the outgoing server. Alls well that ends well and I'm proud of being able to work through all of the technical issues all by myself. Not bad for a 60-year old Grandmother.

Last evening after dinner we went down to the pool and the water was very warm. They must still be running the pool heaters that run for the snow birds all winter. We stayed there until sunset it was very nice. Warren went for a short walk on the beach before joining me on the pool but I didn't feel that I was up to that yet having not fully recovered from the trip.

I get around fairly well for someone with muscular dystrophy and don't usually "notice" that I have lost muscle strength. At home I have things set up so well to accommodate myself that the weaknesses become transparent even to me. Its when I step out of that comfort zone that I'm forced to notice that I am not as strong as I used to be. We used to drive to Florida but this time decided to fly because Warren can't drive (or shouldn't drive let's say because the neck surgery he had in 2005 has limited his range of motion). After doing the whole air travel thing this past Thursday, I'm beginning to wonder if it just wouldn't have been easier on me to drive for 2 or 3 days. Maybe both ways are getting to be too hard, I don't know. Its one of life's little losses, that sometimes feels like a big loss. I want to get out on the beach and walk, but until I recover a little more, I can't. I'll get there.

I want to share with you a few little things that happened to me since Cat's passing. On the night of April 10th (the day we learned she was gone), my sleep was interrupted. At one point there was a shadow of a woman that walked past my bed. The next morning a friend who read my entry about Cat said she had a phone call from an acquaintance who lives in Oregon that she hasn't spoken to in some time. The woman just called to chat and started talking about a "cat" that she had taken in. Sharon thought it might be a message for me. When I spoke to my daughter that morning she said she was tired and I asked why, she said "that damn cat kept me up all night long meowing". That made me smile because it felt like they were messages from our Cat.

I guess this week has been about loss and coming to terms with the losses we are destined to have in our lifetime. The loss of friends and family is inevitable as is the loss of the physical strengths of our youth. I am very fond of saying to others that every age has its own beauty, and I believe that is true. Our task is to learn to love the particular beauty we find ourselves in, and "therein lies the rub".