Something Lighter - 4/30/07

I find this cartoon amusing on so many levels. I hope you enjoy it too.

For My Daughter Only - 4/23/07

Jen,

Having trouble emailing the photos. This is the best shot I think of the batch. Once I get home I'll send them all and you can choose which ones to give to your sister.

Mom

Earth Day - 4/22/07

Friday evening a cold front came through and brought with it strong winds and heavy surf coming out of the north-west. This resulted in some serious overnight beach erosion. The day before there was a gentle slope from the dune area to the low-tide beach bottom, but on Saturday we had a shelf carved out with a 2-ft. drop off. This presents an almost insurmountable obstacle for me. I could get down from there, but would probably not be able to get back up. Sure I could probably climb up on my hands and knees, but then I'd have no way to get to a standing position again. I would need something to pull myself up with and there really isn't anything there to do that. My husband wouldn't be strong enough to help me up anymore though I'm sure he would try. So I'm stuck up on top until nature evens out the beach again. That is probably the biggest problem with my MD right now. If I fall down, or sit down on the floor, its hell trying to get back up again. The last time I fell, I sat on the floor for 30 minutes laughing because 1. I didn't get hurt; and 2. it just seemed so funny that I was stuck on the floor of my own bedroom and my husband asleep in his chair in the living room didn't know my predicament. I finally was able to pull myself up first onto the hassock by my chair and then on the chair. Remember the old commerical "I've fallen and I can't get up!"? I think I'm prettier than that old lady was anyway....that's some small consolation.

Today its bright and sunny again at the beach though still windy. Temperatures are expected to get up into the high 70's. Last night we walked on the upper beach and then I went to the pool. The water was warm, but after the sun got behind the clouds and started to set the air temperature dropped fast and I got out.

My ex-husband's daughter got married yesterday and she and her groom will be sailing out of Port Canaveral this evening. I told my daughter that if she got me the sailing time and the cruise line I would take a picture of the outgoing vessel for them. I thought they might like to have that for their photo album. My son called me last night to talk about the wedding and all the insider information on what didn't go right at an event like that when everyone is in their high stress mode. It was pretty funny. Weddings are such hopeful things despite the fact that over 50% of them end up in divorce.

Four more days of vacation left and then its back home again. I am determined that we'll get back here again this year.

Enjoy your Sunday.

Impermanence: Writing in the Sand - 4/21/07

I see our friend Cat's blog has been taken down just as she wanted. It got me thinking about the impermanence of writing in this medium. Is it like writing notes in the sand only to have the ocean take them away? As a girl I remember writing the name of my latest crush in the sand and watching it be swept away again. It was like telling a secret to a good friend that you knew would keep it. It was writing on the heart of the world where it would stay long past when it could be read by others.

Cat's blogs were a living thing. They were so infused with her personality and her wisdom it was easy, too easy, to go back and re-read them and forget for a few moments that that was the past and would stay in the past. So even though we can no longer go back and read what she wrote, it is still written on our hearts and follows our lifeline now. You know she would tell us to strap on our six guns, saddle up and move on.

Low Tide - 4/20/07

Low Tide

There was a time this afternoon, when the wind went still

The sea was flat and as green as an old coke bottle

The water had pulled back to reveal wide damp expanses of beach

You could almost hear the click of the cog in the machine
that turns the tides

For that one moment of Earth-held breath, everything paused
until the next click of the cog when the sea began its return

written by me 4/19/07

Now This Gives Me Hope - 4/19/07

My Mother told me yesterday that my niece started her menses this week for the first time. The girl was so happy that "now she was a woman" that she threw herself a party. Now that gives me hope for the future.

Pollyanna Thrives - 4/19/07

I sometimes think I am the only person who had a happy childhood. I hear of so many who were robbed of their innocence, or physically and mentally abused. Has the world changed so much from when I was a child, or am I some sort of "bubble girl" who just got lucky where I landed? I grew up knowing that I was loved; my parents were both in the home; my Mother didn't go back to work until I was in high school. I was never beaten, sexually abused, or emotionally battered. There was no addiction to alcohol or drugs in my immediate family. Maybe, just maybe, that has made me the optimistic person that I am today. It certainly didn't detract from that tendency. Did I still have issues? Sure I did. Everyone has. I always felt that I was not good enough. I'm not sure where that came from other than my own innate desire to be "perfect" (whatever that is). We couldn't afford a lot of luxury growing up and I felt the lack of things wanted. I guess where this is going today is that we take the experiences we have in life and we use them either to change and grow and achieve the life that best fits us; or we use them as a crutch which in the final analysis only slows us down (trust me I know crutches...been on them enough).

My experiences led me to be an achiever. I always worked to be the best at what I was doing whether it was when I was a secretary or when I was a workforce budget analyst. I spent a lot of years building security for myself and my family; my cushion against disaster. Interesting thing is now that I look back on that part of my life those are not the important things that stand out. They were just the infrastructure I was building for my real life. My real life is and has been about service, nurturing, providing encouragement to others, and traveling on a healing journey.

Every decision I made, every experience I had has led me to this exact place and time. I would ask that you take one perceived negative in your life today and ask it two questions.

1. How can I use this experience to grow something positive in my life right now?

2. What is the gift in this experience?

I think you'll find that just answering the first question will give you the answer to the second.

Namaste

Dying Young - 4/18/07

My cousin emailed me this morning. She teaches first grade in Pennsylvania and a few days ago one of her students, a 7-year old, died of a heart attack after a soccer game. She had to explain, or try to explain, to 20 6-7 year olds that their classmate had died and wasn’t coming back. I can’t imagine having to hold it together in front of all those children. We don’t expect children or young people to die. It goes against what we feel the natural order should be.

She was struck because this child had been “Student of the Week” in her classroom just that week. His picture was still on the wall hanging right under a display on butterflies that she had entitled “Waiting on Wings”. It seems in retrospect to have been a foreshadowing of events. I saw that as a synchronous event that showed the hand of God in the unfolding.

It is my belief that every life is complete whether it is short or long. Who can say what another has come into the world to do? Some finish earlier than others, even when it doesn’t look like it on the outside; even when it looks like they had so much promise, so many more years to look forward to. I’m not saying we don’t grieve. Of course we grieve. It’s hard to lose someone you love. What I am saying is that from our human perspective we can’t see the larger picture.

62 Years Ago Today - 4/18/07

On this day 62 years ago, my Mom and Dad were married. My Dad died in 2001 still married to his bride from so long ago. There are good things that happen in the world too.

Some Days are Not Like a Day at the Beach - 4/17/07

I've turned off the news on television today. I can't watch them retell the killings in Blacksburg anymore. I know enough to know that bad things happened to good people and that only time and distance will help erase the memory of so many gunned down for so little reason.

My husband is a Va Tech Alumni. It is hard for him to imagine the serenity of that place being broken in that way.

My prayers are with the families and staff there.

She Went Home - 4/16/2007

I was re-reading some of Cat's blog this morning and came across this which she posted on February 6th of this year. It is entitled Bobcats, Home, and Fooling Myself.

"The thing is, though, somehow Bobcat keyed this longing for 'home' in me. St. Augustine said that "our hearts are restless until they rest in thee." or words to that effect. Sometimes, I remember that beautiful green land, and I could weep with longing for it. When I left the Catholic Church because I could no longer support an institution that caused so much pain for so many people, I was terrified of going to Hell if I was wrong. I didn't know which way to turn or what to do, and I had a dream of Home that reminded me. Home was as beautiful as the Irish think Ireland is, green and peaceful and lovely. Part of the reason we're here I think is for the experience, also, I believe, we're experimenting with the best way to live in form. We forget who we are, though; we focus so intently, we just forget. Today, there's a shadow of the memory for me."

It makes me think she knew at some level that she was preparing to leave us. Even the last Avatar she created looks as if she were dressed for travel.

Stormy Day - 4/15/07

Its been stormy and windy here for most of the day, just like the rest of the East Coast of the United States. The sun is shining this evening but we have a steady off shore wind of about 40 mph. I went down to the pool before dinner and the water was still warm, but the parts of me out of the water got pretty cold. I think I managed it for about 30 or 40 minutes before I had to give it up and then I had to listen to my teeth chatter all the way upstairs again.

Our condo is about 2 miles up the beach from Port Canaveral where all the cruise ships sail from. Last night two big ships went out one right after the other. The one pictured looks a little closer than it did with my eye because I used the optical zoom to catch the detail.

We're also right up the beach from the Cape Canaveral Air Force Station and have been able to watch a launch or two from time to time. You can see Shuttle launches from here, but not until they clear the horizon, but its still pretty cool.

My husband bought this place back in the late 1970's before he and I got together. They were in the middle of a real estate depression in this area after the Apollo program was canceled, so he got a pretty good deal on it. He always assumed he'd move here when he retired, but then I came along and life took him elsewhere. We use it as a rental property except for the little bit of time we get to be here.

Its supposed to be in the 70's tomorrow and then back into the 80's for the rest of the week. I hope the wind dies back down so its enjoyable to be outside.

Have a wonderful evening. Stay dry and warm.

Connection and Connections - 4/14/07

The view from the balcony at our condo in Cape Canaveral

I think I've finally ironed out my connectivity issues. I had to set up an alternate e-mail account on Earthlink as I could receive mail in my normal incoming e-mail account but couldn't send it for some reason, even after changing the smtp address for the outgoing server. Alls well that ends well and I'm proud of being able to work through all of the technical issues all by myself. Not bad for a 60-year old Grandmother.

Last evening after dinner we went down to the pool and the water was very warm. They must still be running the pool heaters that run for the snow birds all winter. We stayed there until sunset it was very nice. Warren went for a short walk on the beach before joining me on the pool but I didn't feel that I was up to that yet having not fully recovered from the trip.

I get around fairly well for someone with muscular dystrophy and don't usually "notice" that I have lost muscle strength. At home I have things set up so well to accommodate myself that the weaknesses become transparent even to me. Its when I step out of that comfort zone that I'm forced to notice that I am not as strong as I used to be. We used to drive to Florida but this time decided to fly because Warren can't drive (or shouldn't drive let's say because the neck surgery he had in 2005 has limited his range of motion). After doing the whole air travel thing this past Thursday, I'm beginning to wonder if it just wouldn't have been easier on me to drive for 2 or 3 days. Maybe both ways are getting to be too hard, I don't know. Its one of life's little losses, that sometimes feels like a big loss. I want to get out on the beach and walk, but until I recover a little more, I can't. I'll get there.

I want to share with you a few little things that happened to me since Cat's passing. On the night of April 10th (the day we learned she was gone), my sleep was interrupted. At one point there was a shadow of a woman that walked past my bed. The next morning a friend who read my entry about Cat said she had a phone call from an acquaintance who lives in Oregon that she hasn't spoken to in some time. The woman just called to chat and started talking about a "cat" that she had taken in. Sharon thought it might be a message for me. When I spoke to my daughter that morning she said she was tired and I asked why, she said "that damn cat kept me up all night long meowing". That made me smile because it felt like they were messages from our Cat.

I guess this week has been about loss and coming to terms with the losses we are destined to have in our lifetime. The loss of friends and family is inevitable as is the loss of the physical strengths of our youth. I am very fond of saying to others that every age has its own beauty, and I believe that is true. Our task is to learn to love the particular beauty we find ourselves in, and "therein lies the rub".

Connectivity Issues - Friday the 13th 2007

We arrived safely in Florida yesterday after a long travel day. Its only a 2 hour flight, you'd think it wouldn't take all day, but it did.

I've been trying to work out some temporary connectivity and I appear to have done that with Earthlink. I may not be on as often, but thank goodness I can download my e-mail and drop in from time to time.

My best to all who have commented on my blog page and I will get back to respond hopefully later today.

Packing Up - 4/11/09

Tomorrow is our day to get out of Dodge. The Universe has been testing our resolve about leaving, first with NIH then with family. I had to take my Daughter to the doctor's yesterday because she couldn't use her right arm and she hadn't injured it in anyway. She just came back from Florida Monday evening. I thought perhaps we'd have to stay here to help out with our Granddaughter but it looks like things will be OK there. It turns out it was an inflamed rotator cuff. She got a shot of cortisone and some anti-inflammatory drugs and is feeling a little better now.

Tomorrow is also an anniversary of when I actually stopped working. One year ago on April 12th I resigned from my job as a contractor that I had started as soon as I retired from the Government. I stayed on to finish a project I'd been working on when the early retirement opportunity came up. People still ask me if I want to come back, but I'm just not interested in that anymore. Besides all the reasons that I quit in the first place are still active. I still wouldn't have time for work. Besides spirit is leading me elsewhere in my life and I have to follow.

Today is all about packing and finalizing all the details for the trip. I have some laundry to finish up too.

You all have a good day.

On the Healing Path - 4/5/07

NIH was interesting today. There is some talk about putting Warren back in the protocol he just got kicked out of. It seems that patient number 2 didn't even make it 2 days when he exceeded the limits they had set for "metabolite" in the blood. This has them thinking they were too conservative and are trying to get permission from the FDA to change the acceptable parameters. They also need to get permission to re-instate Warren and determine whether he'd start back at the same dosage or the next level up. Add to the mix 3 other possible studies and we have a wealth of treatments on the horizon over the next few months. We don't go back again until May 1st, so perhaps, they'll have all those variables settled by then.

My afternoon energy work went very well. The couple are very nice and I'm going to enjoy working with them. Last night before I went to sleep I said to my guides, "look I really need a sign from you all that I'm on the right path here and not just blowing smoke; send me a dream or a visitor...I need a sign!" So of course that set me up for a sleepless night. At one point I found myself in some sort of a large room in front of a large group of people. There was a circle seated in the front row and then a lot more standing behind them. I figured that was my sign.

We met at the wife's workplace. She works at a wellness center where they do massage, acupuncture, and aromatherapy. She had a room available with a table and thought it would be closer for me to come there as opposed to coming to their home. They both seemed very open to the experience and they were aware that I'm new to this. I worked on the gentleman with ALS. I could "see" that he was constricted in the chest area. What I "saw" almost looked like a lace-up corset cutting him in way too tight. I think that had to do with the fact that the shock of the diagnosis is so new. When we were done, he said that he felt stuff being pulled up and out of his chest area. I felt heat from the base of my neck to the bottom of my spine. I told him to drink plenty of water this evening and he said he was going to get some right then as he felt very dry all of a sudden. He went for his water and I asked his wife if she would like some energy work too. She said yes and got up on the table next. What I experienced with her was a very full heart. I told her to take a few deep cleansing breaths. I could "see" that she keeps stuffing things into her heart, but she's not finding a way to let go of all this bottled up emotion. She said that she doesn't usually feel anything with this sort of stuff but did feel very relaxed and had felt her jaw loosen a little bit as I worked on her. They both want to see me again in a few weeks.

On the way home I drank two bottles of water. I guess energy work is very drying. So I think it went well. It was good experience for me to just be able to relax and see what I saw and do what I do.

Warren and I have decided to take a vacation in this interlude between the protocols. We're going to go to Florida for 2 weeks probably leaving next Thursday. I have to find tickets now.

Have a great night.

Taxes, Turbo Not - 4/4/07

Well the taxes are done for 2006 (she says wiping her brow)! Although I must be honest and say all I do is check my husband's work (only because he makes me do it too). I also have always been in charge of making copies for the files here. Now that I don't have access to a copier, I first scan them into my computer and then print them out. Its just one extra step, certainly not worth going back to work for the use of a copier LOL. I know you're thinking "Spoiled Brat" and you may be right. Its not that I can't do those things, its that I know my husband loves to do those things (he has the mind of a CPA) and well let's face it, I'm a math phobic. Its a division of duties that has worked for us. This year I threatened to buy Turbo Tax and do them that way while he did them his way to see if they came close. However, the $50 price tag for the software wasn't worth it to me just to make a point that there may be easier ways to dispose of this obligation.

I'm feeling a lot better today since the front has moved on in. I'm feeling so good, I might have to run the vacuum cleaner. We all know how much I just love cleaning!

Tomorrow we have two appointments at NIH and in the late afternoon I'm going to be doing some energy healing work with a gentleman recently diagnosed with ALS. This will be the first time I've worked with someone I don't know. That should be interesting. I've been asking for spirit to come in and run this show for me so I'm going to assume that I will get all the resources I need. Your prayers/good thoughts and wishes are welcomed as well. Some might say, "Why are you going out and offering energy healing to others, when you have a sick husband at home?" That is a good question. I do energy work on my husband too. He takes in enough of it as his belief system will allow. I believe that it has helped him get through all of his treatments and still have a relatively good quality of life. Its not me doing the healing. I merely act as a conduit for the energy to come through what others do with the energy is their own soul's choice.

Well I'm off now to bring some order to my home. Enjoy your day.

Blogiversary - 4/3/07

Yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary of my blog page. Its hard to believe that I've been doing this for that long. I guess that speaks to having more free time since I retired, although there were stretches of time there that didn't feel very free. I seem to have picked up a few readers over the year so I don't have to feel like the Lone Ranger any more which is a good thing. This venue is allowing me to write about my life as it is unfolding and it is getting me to write everyday which was one of my intentions for my retirement.

I spent three hours today driving my Daughter and Granddaughter to the airport. They went to Florida for their vacation. Warren and I hope to get down there this Spring too. We haven't been able to get a break from his treatments for 2 years now. It all depends on when he starts his next protocol. Perhaps we'll get some news on that Thursday.

We're about to have a big change in the weather starting tomorrow and I can feel it in all my joints. I've always felt big shifts in the barometric pressure. There may be another freeze in the area by Friday morning (its in the 80's today). Won't that be fun?

So I'm feeling blah, but hope it will change with the weather tomorrow. I hope your night is pleasant. Be well.

Winter and Spring Together - 4/2/07

This is a picture of my Mom, who is the oldest in her family at 82, and Mya who is the youngest at 10 months. Mya is the Great Granddaughter of my Mom's only Sister. All of Mom's siblings are gone now.

Its April already. Time seems to go faster the older I get (now that is something that old people say all the time isn't it?) Its supposed to get up to 80 degrees today but then drop back down into the 40's by the end of the week. That's Spring for you; up and down. Warren wants to go to the bank this morning (first business day of the month you know). We should go for a walk outside today too.

Tomorrow we're taking my Daughter and Granddaughter to the airport for their flight to Florida. Thursday we go to NIH for clinic and blood work and Friday I'm taking a friend to lunch for her birthday. The week is filling up fast.

Not much going on today (can you tell?) I need to get dressed and get going. Perhaps I'll accumulate something to write about as I go through the day.

Enjoy the day.

777 - 4/1/07

I told you the other day about how I learned that my Father was trying to communicate to me that he was still around by arranging for triple seven's to show up. Here are a few of the times he has helped me in hard or difficult situations.

One of the most dramatic times was when I was coming home from my Brother's house by myself at night. It was winter and the snow that had melted in the afternoon sunlight had refrozen sooner than I had anticipated covering the road with black ice. As I started out I wasn't too concerned because I drive a Jeep with 4-wheel drive available when I need it. I was driving slowly because I knew it was icy, when all of a sudden the car started sliding sideways. I thought I was steering into the slide, but apparently I over corrected and the car started spinning wildly out of control. I ended up off the road in the middle of some farmer's field upright. For a few seconds I had thought the car was going to flip over. I was scared, partly because of the spinning car and partly because I was still 45 minutes from home and partly because I couldn't get back to my Brother's because of the icy hills and about 4 miles down the road from where I was the road drops sharply (at a 50-degree grade) down towards a stream and some railroad tracks. How was I ever going to maneuver that road to get to the interstate where I knew it would be cleared? I sat in the car and called my husband and he told me to put the car in the lowest gear and drive the slowest speed. I sat in the car a few more minutes and then a salt truck came by and was salting the road I needed to travel! I got behind him (not too close) and put the car in the lowest gear and chugged along. I was still worried about the condition of the big hill, but apparently so was the County because by the time I got there it had been sanded and salted. As I pulled onto the interstate a red car passed me with (you guessed it) 777. I suddenly knew that my Dad had been looking out for me and had a hand in bringing that salt truck along just when I needed it. I could almost hear him saying Women drivers! and laughing at me. I didn't have anymore trouble on the way home that night.

When I went to England in the fall of 2003, I was very excited to be on that trip but a little bit apprehensive about flying over the Big Pond. As I was awaiting take-off, I picked up the plane information brochure from the pocket in front of me only to see that I was flying on a Boeing 777. My Dad was an airplane mechanic for United Airlines for 33 years. I didn't worry about the flight after that at all.

The last time I had some extensive dental work, I had to have a Maryland Bridge made (two of your own teeth anchor a false tooth in the middle, that's 3 crowns $$$. This work involved taking impressions twice. I have a terrible, irrational fear of impressions and having all sorts of dental appliances in my mouth. I made the dentist give me a prescription for Valium which I then wouldn't take because I'd gotten mad at myself for being a big baby by the time it was time to take the drug. Anyway, at the first visit when he's doing the demolition part of the work, the dentist has to leave the room to take a phone call. I decide to get up and take a potty break and as I walk out of the room, I hear the dentist giving someone a phone number and he is saying "seven, seven, seven".  I smiled (as much as you can when you can't feel your mouth anyway) and relaxed a little bit knowing I wasn't alone.

I don't know why he picked 777. Was it because he was an airplane mechanic and he was familiar with that plane? I know he wasn't a gambler so it probably isn't that. I understand that it has some esoteric meaning but I haven't been able to find out what that is yet. That's just part of the mystery. I'm just glad he has found this way to let me know he's there. By the way, he'd have been the last person on Earth to believe any of this was possible. That makes it all the more fun.

Maybe I'll re-post this on 7/7/07. What do you think?