Entry for Sunday, December 31, 2006 - Out with the Old, In with the New

Just like everyone else on the planet tonight, I'm thinking back over the past year and trying to assimilate the fact that "just like that" 2006 is just about over. If feels to me like the year just flew by. My year, as you know, has been dominated by yet another recurrence of Warren's cancer and many trips to NIH for treatments. I also turned 60 this fall and we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary earlier this month. When I think ahead to 2007, I do so with some trepidation. I don't know what it will bring, but I know it will bring things both wanted and not wanted to me. Every year does.

Today I finished baking the last of the Christmas cookie dough that I'd made Christmas eve. I also made a pot of pinto beans and corn bread for dinner (my southern husband's favorite meal). Tomorrow I'll make one of my Pennsylvania Dutch family's New Year's favorites which is roast pork with sauerkraut. I've long ago forgotten what that is supposed to do for you if you have it on New Year's Day, but I'm sure its supposed to bring good luck. Also tomorrow I think I'll clean out the pantry and clean the oven. Its always good to start the year organized. It feels good while it lasts anyway.

As far as resolutions for 2007, I don't like to make them. I do want to wish you all a Happy New Year and a safe New Year's eve. Be well.

Entry for Friday, December 29, 2006 - Pax Vobiscum

Today has been a day for completing tasks. I finished the laundry, did my hand sewing that had been building up, and re-hung some curtains in the bedroom that had fallen down. We've been taking it easy since Wednesday and enjoying not having to go anywhere. Tomorrow I'm going to my Mom's (afterall it will be Saturday). Next week we'll start chemo again. Warren only took a one week break this time.

As a back drop to the day is the news of the world awaiting the execution of Saddam Hussein. The world seem so small sometimes. Are we better off knowing things instantaneously as they occur? I struggle with that sometimes. I often think it would be better not to know what is going on half a world away.

I hope you've enjoyed your day. Have a safe and warm night.

Entry for Thursday, December 28, 2006 - For My Snowed In Reader in Denver

These recipes are for my friend who lives in Denver and is probably now snowed in again for the second time in a week. Have fun hibernating! I sure hope that you two plugged up that vent in the attic for this snow storm.

Mint Surprise Cookies

Sift together:

3 cups flour

1 tsp. baking soda

½ tsp. salt

Cream:

1 Cup butter (or margarine)

1 Cup sugar

½ Cup brown sugar (firmly packed)

Blend into Creamed Mixture:

2 eggs unbeaten

2 tbsp. water

1 tsp. vanilla

Add dry ingredients, mix well. Cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours. Take 1 package of chocolate mint wafers; enclose each wafer in about 1 tablespoon of chilled dough. Place on a greased cookie sheet about 2” apart. Top each cookie with a walnut half. Bake at 375 degrees for 10-12 minutes. (Trader Joe's carries a chocolate mint wafer. They call them UFO's.)

Southern Coconut Cake

3 cups self-rising flour

2 cups sugar

1 tsp. baking soda

1 cup water

½ cup vegetable oil

1 stick of margarine

2 eggs, beaten

½ cup buttermilk

1 tbsp. coconut extract

Sift together flour, sugar and soda. In a small saucepan, melt margarine with water and oil. Add to flour mixture then add remaining ingredients. Bake in a 13x9 inch pan at 350 degrees until golden brown (about 45 minutes, but test for your oven). Cool.

Icing

1 large (16 oz.) sour cream

1 box confectioner’s sugar

2 pkgs. frozen coconut (thawed)

Mix together the sour cream, confectioner’s sugar and two packages of coconut. Pour over the cake. Refrigerate.

(I found that I had to move the cake into a larger pan to accommodate all of the soupy frosting mix, but it made for a better presentation.)

Entry for Wednesday, December 27, 2006 - Somethings to Think About

My horoscope for the day reads as follows:

"Judicious silence is a powerful tool in conversation and negotiation. It's even more powerful when you give your soul a daily dose of it. Some regular meditation helps you clarify cloudy areas in your life.

Helping someone selflessly today will go a very long way tomorrow. You would be wise to put some good deeds in your karma account right now, because you will need a bit of help soon. People like to help people who've helped them, and someone you help today will remember you when the time comes. This isn't something to be worried about; just keep generosity and reciprocity in the front of your mind today, and do for others what you hope they would do for you."

I'd like to think that I already have some good deeds banked in my karma account, but I guess it won't hurt to add more. The picture is a corner of my bedroom where I spend my quiet/meditation time. After all the hoopla of the last few days, quiet time in now definitely in order.

Our Christmas was quite nice. My Mom was with us and my children and granddaughter came here for lunch Christmas day. We exchanged gifts and then went to my brother's house for dinner. Aren't you just tired of eating already? I did manage to get two types of cookies baked Christmas eve. The Mint Surprise and the Peanut Butter Blossom Cookies. I made the sugar cookie dough and the frosting for them before I realized that I had thrown away my food coloring when I moved and had never replaced it. I could have just made round cookies, frosted them white, and called them *snowballs*. I thought that if I'm going to all the trouble to make these, I want the Christmas tree shapes with the green frosting and the little stars on them. Now the dough and frosting are waiting in the refrigerator until I get to the store this afternoon. Then I'll be baking more cookies I guess. I made a Coconut Cake for Christmas dinner that wasn't even cut. So half of that is in the freezer, some went home with Mom and some is awaiting hungry people.

I got a new digital camera for Christmas. It came with 2-inches worth of instruction manuals (thankfully I discovered that half of them were Spanish so I can't read those). My first digital camera was a Sony Mavika which stores the pictures on a floppy disk. The pictures are fine unless you try to blow them up, then they can be a little grainy. It amazes me how fast the technology is evolving.

I have an appointment to get my haircut this afternoon, so I will have to get dressed today. After that chore is done, I'll go to the grocery store.

Sometime today I want to resume my meditation practice which has been lax over the past few months. Its not that I haven't entered meditative states from time to time, just that I haven't gone into my corner, shut the door and consciously settled into it.

Some of you have gone back to work, some of you are still off (some of you have always been a little off). Whatever your status, have a great day!

Entry for Monday, December 25, 2006 - Merry Christmas

Entry for Sunday, December 24, 2006 - Christmas Eve

Finding the spirit in the celebrations for this time of year is often hard to do. As we celebrate Solstichrismahanakwansika at the malls and at our favorite e-tail shopping venues, we deplete our wallets, our energies and our own spirits pursuing the "perfect" gifts. What we really hunger for is the joy of time spent with friends and family in the warmth of our homes. All of the celebrations of this season, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, and the solstice represent (among other things) bringing light into the darkness of winter. We do that with our tree lights, our menorahs, and our kinaras (candle holder for Kwanza).

My wish for you today is that you light the darkness of this winter's eve with love for your fellow man and make merry with your friends and families. Honor your own religious tradition and respect the rights of others to honor their own.

Namaste

Entry for Friday, December 22, 2006 - Dolphin?

Today was our last trip to NIH for the year. No more chemo until 2007! That sounds better than "no for chemo for 11 days" doesn't it? The drive in wasn't bad, but it took us a long time to get home. We got out of the hospital about 4:00 p.m., but it was raining, and it was the Friday before Christmas. People were on the road for elsewhere, or off for some last minute shopping. It took us close to an hour and a half to get home (normally 45 minutes). Its good to be home and done with my shopping for the season.

Tomorrow I'll go pick up my Mom and bring her here for Christmas. I'm going to really try to make some Christmas cookies this weekend, but I'll have to pick up some brown sugar first. My son, daughter and granddaughter will come over here Christmas day for a light lunch and cookies and to open our gifts for each other and then we'll all go over to my youngest brother's house for Christmas dinner.

You're probably wondering why the dolphin today? Well I was listening to a cd the other day that my son had given me for my birthday. It was a guided imagery cd on meeting your spirit guides. I'm listening to this cd and I'm thinking this isn't going to work, when all of a sudden I'm underwater in the ocean and this large dolphin was swimming right up to me. I was startled and thinking "my spirit guide is a dolphin?". Is this even possible? The cd ended as well as the vision. I got to thinking about what characteristics or energy that a dolphin would represent. I did a little searching on the web and found out that dolphin energy is playful, its about freedom and breath. Interestingly enough all three of those characteristics play a large roll in my life. Freedom of movement and breathing are impacted by my muscular dystrophy. As for playful, I'm just about the funniest handicapped woman alive! A legend in my own mind. I just love how weird my life gets sometimes.

Entry for Thursday, December 21, 2006 - Gratitude and Appreciation

Picture from the book "Messages in Water" by Masaru Emoto - This water ice crystal was formed from water which had the words love and appreciation placed on the bottle.

I spent the afternoon with a group of women that I used to work with. We used to participate in a Christmas ornament exchange, but for the last few years we have just gotten together for lunch. It was hard to find the time to make hand-made ornaments with our busy schedules. It was so good to see everyone again and catch up on the news from work.

I'm feeling such gratitude today because one of the women at the party gave me a letter she'd written me about how a question I had asked her the last time I was in to visit had been the answer to a prayer that she had been asking for. I won't go into the details, but I just feel so grateful that God gave me the answer to give to her. I know now that the question did not originate inside my head, but was placed there for her. You just never know how your words or actions will affect someone else. It was good to be reminded of that so that I can remember to live from my highest self. That was such a gift for me!

Entry for Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - My Favorite Pick of the Contest

This was my favorite of the contest. I've always thought I'd like to try to make one of these, but the opportunity has yet to arise. Its probably a lot more fun to just look at some that other people have made. Afterall who wants to bake something they can't eat? I'm a great believer in enjoying ones work!

Today was a good day at NIH. We actually started and finished chemo early, but had to wait for the second EKG and to get some prescriptions filled so we still didn't get home until 4:00 p.m. Warren managed to convince the doctors that he doesn't need to be seen next week in clinic while he's on a chemo break. That means we get a whole week without having to go to NIH at all. I'm excited by this. Trust me.

Today is my nephew's 18th birthday. Man how did that happen? He was just a toddler last week...I'm sure of that. I sent him a check and on his birthday card I wrote "Don't spend this on beer". Time marches on.

I hope you enjoyed the slightly cooler day we had today (52 degrees). Have a great evening.

Entry for Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - NIH Gingerbread House Contest

Entry for Monday, December 18, 2006 - Don't You Love Gift Cards?

Ho, Ho, Ho. I think I'm just about done. Over the weekend we did the Christmas cards and I got all of the gifts wrapped. Today we went to NIH for Warren's monthly ENT clinic. Still no sign of cancer in his head and neck! We don't have to go back and visit the ENT clinic again until February 4th.

After we got home today and had lunch, I went over to Columbia Mall to pick up a movie gift card for my Mom to give my Granddaughter, then on to the Emporium of the Spirits (liquor store) to pick up another gift. After that, it was on to the gas station and the grocery store. I also stopped in at the Hair Cuttery to change my appointment from this Wednesday to the one after Christmas. I'm really tired at the moment.

Do you believe how warm it is? The thermometer in my car said it was 73 degrees this afternoon. We don't often see that in December.

Tomorrow is a full day at NIH for chemo, blood work, 2 EKG's, and physical therapy. They have a big display of gingerbread houses in the atrium and they want people to pick their favorite one and the the house that gets the most votes will win some kind of prize. I'll try to get some pictures of that tomorrow when I have some time to kill.

Enjoy your evening.

Entry for Sunday, December 17, 2006 - Seeing my Mother

Yesterday I did my Mother's grocery shopping for the week and had dinner with her. Before I left, I pulled a chair up in front of her chair and gave her a Reiki treatment for her legs and hips. She's been having trouble sleeping because her hips hurt during the night. When I was done with the treatment I held her hands and was looking into her eyes. We both began to cry. There was something so sweet and so intimate about the moment. I realized that my Mother is hungry for touch. Why didn't I see this sooner? Why haven't I been holding her hands all along? Take a lesson from this. If there is an elderly person in your life, don't just talk to them. Hold their hands, put your arm around their shoulder, give them a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Life is to0 short not to make someone else feel loved and needed.

The picture is my Mom and my Daughter circa 1972

Entry for Friday, December 15, 2006 - On the Road Again

Why does it seem like its always either Tuesday or Friday to me? And here it is Friday again, another trip up Rt. 29 to NIH for chemo. (heavy sigh!). Next week we go there three times (Monday, Tuesday and Friday) because its time for the monthly visit to the ENT clinic as well. On Wednesday we'll both have acupuncture (up Rt. 29 again) and Thursday I'll be going to an annual ornament exchange (where we no longer exchange ornaments). I'm really looking forward to seeing my old gang. A very full week ahead. There is not much time in there for wrapping gifts, or to finish the shopping, or to bake cookies is there? At least Christmas week should be somewhat quieter. We'll only have to go to clinic once on Tuesday, but no chemo. Our Granddaughter will probably be with us most of that week. Its a good thing I'm retired :-). Where would work fit into my life right now?

There are a few changes underway at NIH that sadden me. Warren's doctor is leaving for Christmas holiday on Tuesday (we won't see her) and then after she returns will be rotating out of Oncology into Hematology. His usual nurse in the day hospital is relocating to the south and her last day will be December 29th. So we'll be getting new people into our stays there. We'll miss these two people because of the exemplary care that they've given Warren and their genuine caring way of being with us.

Everything changes, even when it doesn't feel like it. Life is always ebbing and flowing around us. Enjoy the ride today.

Entry for Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - Nothing Says Happy Anniversary More Than Bean Soup

When I look at the picture from my 1981 wedding I can't help laughing because Warren looks so scared.  I guess when you marry for the first time at 48 it gives you pause.

I slept really well last night (all 11 hours of it!).  I attribute that to being very tired (3 hours sleep the night before) and taking 2 extended relief tylenol before I went to bed.  Once I finally got up we ran some errands this morning; post office, bank, Christmas shopping.  Then it was home for a quick bite then off to see the acupuncturist for me and Warren.  He did very well, but is withholding judgment to "see" if he has some improvement.  (Well he is an engineer!  He needs proof!).  I felt better right away.  I don't need the stone tablets to prove it to me.

For our very romantic 25th anniversary we went to NIH for a chemo treatment and then came home to a festive bowl of homemade Navy Bean Soup.  We really know how to have a good time.  At one time we'd talked about going to Hawaii for this anniversary.  I'm sure the one we had was much better :-).

Last night I dreamed that a TV show was making over a room in my house.  I kept saying to Warren they had better not be redoing my bedroom.  As it turns out it was the living room and I hated it.  They showed me they were going to make a vase out of some rusting automobile parts.  Its shape was reminiscent of the shape of a rooster, but oddly I thought I could paint that a barn red and it might be ok.  Go figure.

I wish you all a good night.

Entry for Monday, December 11, 2006 - Still Taking it Easy

This is my second in a row taking it easy days.  Today, however, I've stepped it up a little and am doing laundry and making some soup for tomorrow's after NIH dinner.  I took another 2 tylenol extended relief last night and slept fairly well.  I'll have to remember that stuff the next time I have to clean house and then pay the physical price for the effort.  We spent a little time updating the Christmas card list so that I could print out labels later.  Wednesday we intend to finish up the shopping.  We should be in good shape then.  Just wrapping and maybe some baking to do after that.

Tomorrow is back to NIH to start week 3 in this 4th 8-week cycle of chemo and to celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversary.  We really know how to have a good time.  Its going to be a busy week because I've got things booked for every day except today.

Time to stir the pot and put another load of clothes in the washer.  Have a great evening.

Entry for Tuesday, December 12, 2006 - On this Day

On this day twenty-five years ago I married my Friend...the one who shares my hopes and dreams.

"This is my beloved, and this is my friend." Song of Solomon 5:16

Entry for Sunday, December 10, 2006 - Happy Birthday David

Yesterday evening we celebrated my Son David's birthday; but today is the real day.  I think he had a good time.  He and his sister took matters into their own hands and brought the Christmas tree and all the ornament boxes upstairs and then my Sister-in-law and niece decorated it.  They put on every ornament I had (and trust me after many years of participating in an ornament exchange, I had lots).  In fact they put more ornaments on the tree than I ever do, but it looks really beautiful!  Thank you everyone for all your help!!!  Warren had decided that he really wanted a tree this year and his plan was to take 2 pain pills and then try to wrestle all the boxes off the high shelf.  I didn't think that was too red hot a plan to begin with, so now he doesn't have to do that.  We joked that we'll have another party in mid-January for my Daughter's birthday to take everything back down again.  I took this picture last night without a flash so it doesn't do the tree justice.

I was on my feet all day yesterday cleaning and cooking and last night and today I'm paying for it.  I guess its the MD, but I couldn't straighten up this morning and was doing alot of moaning and groaning to get around.  I took two Tylenol extended relief tablets about 9:00 a.m. and that has helped loosen me up quite a bit.  They're each about 650 milligrams and I think they're intended for arthritus pain.  Glad I thought of them.  You can bet I'll be taking more before I go to bed tonight.

My Mom had spent the night with us and slept in until about 9:30.  My Sister-in-law was scheduled to pick her up to spend the day with them at 10:00, so I had to call and tell her I'd bring Mom over there once breakfast was over.  They just live about 10 miles down the road from us.

Whenever I have people over for dinner, I'm always afraid there won't be enough food so I end up making more than twice the number of people could eat.  As a consequence my refrigerator is stuffed full of leftovers.  On the bright side, I won't be cooking for a few days....just heating and eating.

Again, happy birthday to my baby boy.  I wish you many happy more years!

Entry for Friday, December 08, 2006 - TGIF

Another view from the Hatfield atrium.

Today is another chemo day and it will be a late one.  We probably won't be out of there until after 5:30 this afternoon...and then there is rush hour to get through.  I need to shift my focus from what I have to do to what I'm grateful for.  What am I grateful for?  I am grateful that my husband is still alive.  I am grateful that he has FINALLY agreed to have acupuncture to help his arm.  I am grateful for my family and friends and my home.  I am grateful for the wonderful teachers who have shown up in my life who are supporting and guiding me.  Life is hard, but life is good.

I didn't get very far in my cleaning attempts yesterday.  I did manage to sweep the kitchen floor and pick up some clutter.  I guess its time to switch to "lowering my standards" mode.  I really just have to run the vacuum, dust, and clean the bathrooms.  Since the robots haven't shown up yet, I guess its my job.

While I'm waiting today, I'll finalize my menu for Dave's birthday party as well as figure out where I am on the Christmas shopping arc and what still needs to be done.  Well of course the Christmas cards and gift wrapping still need to be done; but I have no idea just how much more shopping is required.  Oh, and of course we're still sans tree.  I did put a few decorations out and that may have to suffice.

SIMPLIFY, SIMPLIFY, SIMPLY, but how the heck do you do that?  Its a puzzlement.  Have a great day I need to get ready to go.  

Entry for Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - Another Day

The last thing I said yesterday was that tomorrow is another day, and so it was.  I slept in and so felt more rested than yesterday.  I went in to my old office today to meet with some friends and then went out for a late lunch.

Tomorrow I have to spend getting ready for Saturday.  We're going to celebrate my son's birthday and my Mom and my youngest brother's family will be with us.  So I'll have cleaning, shopping and cooking to do.  I sure wish the cleaning would do itself.  I really hate doing it anymore.  I'm even toying with the idea of getting one of those Rhomba's (the robotic vacuum) to just turn on and leave running while I'm at NIH.  Does anyone know if they make a robotic toilet cleaner?  Maybe I should just give up and hire a cleaning service.  Warren said I'd always want to clean before they came in anyway, but I think I could get over that.

Sorry if this is a boring blog entry.  Sometimes they just are.  Perhaps tonight they'll be some strange dream that I can relate to you.  Sleep well and I'll see you tomorrow.

Today's picture is the Christmas Tree in the atrium of the Hatfield Clinical Center at NIH.

Entry for Tuesday, December 05, 2006 - Thoughts at the Full Moon

As the year is winding down, I feel as if I'm coming to the end of a very long road.  The funny thing is, the road isn't ending.  I think sometimes that the road will never end.  I am tired down into my bones.  Warren and I are both tired.  Tired of the drive, tired of the chemo, tired of being in the medical zone all of the time.  And yet, where else can we be?

Today was a long one at NIH.  We got there about 7:30 this morning and left at 4:00 p.m.  Our clinic visit was at 10:00, but we didn't get in to see the doctor until noon.  That slowed everything up.  He finished his chemo at 2:45 p.m., so that means he can't start it until 2:45 p.m. on Friday.  This will make Friday a late day as well and its really hard to find someone to read that last EKG late on a Friday.

When the alarm went off this morning at 5:00 a.m., my first thought was that it was really Wednesday and that Warren had forgotten to turn off the alarm.  See how my brain tried to protect me from the truth that I really had to get up? 

For dinner I made baked pork chops, baked sweet potatoes, steamed brocolli, cranberry-orange stuffing and cheese bisquits.  Don't ask me why; I have no idea.

On the advice of my acupuncturist, I've taken today to feel sorry for myself so that I can feel it and let it out of my system.  Tomorrow is another day. 

Entry for Sunday, December 03, 2006 - Winter's Tales

Why does it seem that I can't read one book at a time?  I'm doing my usual trick of reading 3 at once.  I don't start out to do that, but books have a way of showing up for me in groups.  Sometime this is by my own design when I go on a binge at Amazon.com.  Other times the universe delivers them through various sources and they all want to be read at once.  Today its "Brother Odd" by Dean Koontz, "My Life as a Psychic" by Chris Defresne (son of Sylvia Browne), and "Awakening at Midlife" by Kathleen A. Brehony.  "Brother Odd" is the third book in this series by Koontz ("Odd Thomas", "Forever Odd", and now "Brother Odd").  Odd Thomas is a young man who works as a fry cook in a desert town and has the ability to see dead people who haven't crossed over.  He is "haunted" by Elvis Presley and always seems to attract  villians that have an element of the supernatural about them.  I'm a long time fan of Mr. Koontz, but I particularly like the hopeful bend that has begun to show up in his recent works.  The stories are not quite so dark.



"Awakening at Midlife" is about mid-life transitions.  I'll give more about it when I get further into the book.  I might be a little late in reading this, or really optimistic to think that at 60 I'm at the mid-point. 

Yes I know that my eclectic reading tastes border on the bizarre.  What can I say?

Entry for Saturday, December 02, 2006 - Happy Birthday Tim

Happy Birthday to my "little" brother Timmy (shown here with our Dad in about 1954).  Tim is 3 years younger than me, which makes him about 29.

Not much going on the last few days.  I'm still dragging.  I went to my Mom's today and we went out to dinner with Tim and his wife to celebrate the birthday boy.  Next weekend is my son's birthday.  We have quite the constellation of birthdays in December as my nephew's birthday is this month too.

I hope you're having a great weekend.