At 11 Months - 4/22/09

Yesterday marked 11 months since Warren's passing. I feel like I've entered into "the valley of the shadow of death" that will lead me to the anniversary of one year. How can that much time have passed already? It doesn't seem to get any easier.

My doctor wants me to have a hysterectomy. She has referred me to a gynecological oncologist. I do not have cancer, I have complex atypical endometrial asplasia. Apparently this condition can lead to cancer in 27% of cases. Everyone seems to want to overlook the fact that 73% of cases won't. After spending 5 years submerged in the world of cancer and oncologists with Warren, I can't tell you how much I don't want to go see this doctor. To an oncologist there are only two conditions, cancer and pre-cancer. I have not yet made the appointment. I probably will do this if only to stop the spotting which started a few months before Warren's death.

My granddaughter had her fourth seizure since Christmas day in the back seat of my car on the way home from school last week. So they are upping her medication again. Oh and I also had to have a crown re-done last month. Fun, fun, fun.

I'm tired, probably a little depressed, and so ready for something to shift.

Poetry for Thursday - 4/16/09

The Titanic

by June Robertson Beisch

So this is how it feels, the deck tilting,
the world slipping away as one
sitting at a desk writes a check.

The Titanic went down titanically
like a goddess glittering,
Pinioned to an iceberg, she sank

almost thankfully while tiny mortals
leapt into the sea
and the band played Nearer My God to Thee.

But what happened to the signals of distress?
Nobody believed it was all really happening.
I still can’t believe that it happened to me.

As a child, I stared horrified at the photograph
and the vision of that scene in the moonlit sea.
We will be one of the survivors, we think,
then something looms up like catastrophe.

All life, it seems, is the morning after
and love is the most beautiful of absolute disasters.

"The Titanic" by June Beisch, from Fatherless Woman. © Cape Cod Literary Press, 2004.

Kindred Spirits - 4/10/09

Today marks the second anniversary of my friend Cat's passing.  Friend Cor reminded me this morning with his post of a slide show of pictures taken from Cat's blog.  I met her on Yahoo 360 in January 2007 and she passed on April 10th of the same year.  In that short time, we made a strong connection.  I felt like I'd lost a sister when she left us.  She was a kindred spirit.  Perhaps her greatest gift to me was her long time friend Skylark.  She is now my teacher (though she hates the word) and friend and I love her dearly.  She too is a sister.  I like to think that Cat smiles down on us now and then, probably laughing at all our foibles and misconceptions while she's busy restructuring the afterlife.

Take some time today to remember the kindred spirits who have come into your life, however briefly.