Stupid Human Tricks

Today there are 3 cats in my house but I'm hoping by nightfall there will be only 2.  K-D has been here 10 days and that is ENOUGH, but I digress.  One of my son's cats, Scamper, is a diabetic and requires 2 shots of insulin a day.  When he's been here in the past I've been able to give him his shots with no problems.  This time he is determined that I am not going to be able to do it.  I try to hold him down and he growls and hisses and gets away from me.  The trick is to get the needle just under the skin and not inject into the muscle.  Last night I got the needle in and started to push the plunger and he moved and the needle went through his skin on the other side and into my finger.  I pulled the needle out but 3 units of insulin were gone from the needle.  I don't know if I got them or Scamper got them.  I suspect it was me as the finger was burning.  My daughter thought that was hilarious and texted her brother who is in Indiana for the weekend who then proceeded to call me and tell me to call the doctor.  I don't know about you but I don't think I could get a doctor on the phone on a Friday night.  I told him if I started to feel strange, I'd call 911.  I decided to be proactive though and went and had some ice cream just in case the old blood sugar took a nose dive.

This morning I attempted to give the shot to the cat again with no luck and managed to prick my finger once more.  This time there was no missing insulin in the syringe.  I figure when the cat goes into a diabetic coma I'll be able to get a shot into him.

That is my stupid human trick for the day.

At Four Months - 9/21/08

I'm still working on my house.  I bought paint to paint the office before the new furniture arrives but I haven't done it yet.  I'm baby sitting yet another cat; one belonging to old friends of Warren's.  He'll be here until next Saturday a total of 10 days.  My son's two cats will be joining the party on Wednesday night and that should prove really interesting.  Speaking of my son, he has found "the one" so there will be a daughter-in-law in my future.  Her name is Jen (as is my daughter's).  Those of you who remember the Bob Newhart Show where he was an inn keeper, will understand the fun I will have saying "This is my daughter Jennifer and this is my other daughter Jennifer."  Remember the Darryl's?

The pain of grief is changing somewhat and perhaps not in a way you would expect.  Knowledge of the foreverness (at least on this plane of existence) of the separation is more real to me now.  It catches me when I see his pictures or think of him during the days and nights.  And yet, and yet sometimes he is here, so close I can feel him; no separation at all.

One night last week the bedroom was full of spirits who were trying to get my attention.  Suddenly Warren was sitting on the bed and leaning over me saying "I'm protecting you now" and all the rest of them went away.  I fell asleep in his energy that night.  I am so incredibly grateful for the contact I do have with him.

"Time does not bring relief..."

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go,--so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!

Edna St. Vincent-Millay

Happy Birthday Warren - 9/3/08

A Birthday

Something continues and I don't know what to call it
though the language is full of suggestions
in the way of language
but they are all anonymous
and it's almost your birthday music next to my bones

these nights we hear the horses running in the rain
it stops and the moon comes out and we are still here
the leaks in the roof go on dripping after the rain has passed
smell of ginger flowers slips through the dark house
down near the sea the slow heart of the beacon flashes

the long way to you is still tied to me but it brought me to you
I keep wanting to give you what is already yours
it is the morning of the mornings together
breath of summer oh my found one
the sleep in the same current and each waking to you

when I open my eyes you are what I wanted to see.


Poem: "A Birthday," by W. S. Merwin from Flower & Hand (Copper Canyon Press).