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Today we had to have Warren's wedding ring cut off because of swelling in his hand. He hadn't taken it off in 27 years. It would have been emotionally devastating to me except that a funny thing happened at the jewelers. The ring did not want to be cut off. They brought out the tool with the little grinding wheel which usually will cut through a ring in just a few minutes. The grinding wheel would not turn. He brought out some snippers, then some more heavy duty snippers, then back to the grinding wheel again with no luck. I said "Looks like you couldn't have gotten away from me even if you'd tried." The woman behind the counter asked the jeweler what kind of metal it was. He said yellow gold. I thought about making up a story about alien technology but then thought better of it. I began to worry about what we'd do if he couldn't get the ring off his finger. Then I thought who is blocking this? Is it Warren, is it me? I closed my eyes and mentally released the ring. I just let it go. The jeweler picked up the grinding wheel one last time, and this time the wheel turned and in less than a minute the band was cut, pried apart and for the first time in over a quarter of a century it was off my husband's hand.
It is being repaired and I will wear it on a chain around my neck for the foreseeable future. Just another lovely day in cancer land.
I thank whatever universal law was at work in that jewelry store this afternoon that turned what could have been so sad into something I could laugh about and for allowing me to release the symbol for what it was, just a symbol and not what it represents. What it represents, I'll never let go.
The other evening we were sitting in the living room watching television and Warren looked up at the ceiling fan and started to laugh. I said "What's so funny?" He said "I'm going to have so much fun with that next summer (as he pointed to the fan)." It took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about. Those of you who have known me for awhile might remember last June when we got the ceiling fan. My friend Cat had died in April but her memorial service was in June (shortly after the fan was installed). As I sat in meditation to join in the memorial service, the fan light came on to full bright all by itself. For a little while it would come on at odd times, both the fan and the light until finally I had to take to cutting it off at the wall switch when I went to bed at night. He knows I always attributed it to spirits dropping in to say hello. So my husband is already planning one way he'll communicate with me after he's gone. I told him that he was an electrical engineer he could probably get into all of the electronics in the house! We both got a good laugh out of that (and laughing feels really really good right now).
Things here are still pretty much the same. I dole out the medications on a pretty rigorous schedule. Warren is comfortable most of the time. We try to really stay on top of the pain so it won't get so bad its harder to knock down again. This is no time for restraint in that area. The biggest issue right now is that I'm having trouble sleeping. I suspect I'm just in a hyper-alert state. My plan for this afternoon is to nap so that I can try to catch up some. No one is served if I fall apart right now.
Yesterday my brother brought my Mom down for the afternoon and I took her back home after dinner. I couldn't even sit and stay with her for a little bit. I had to turn around and come right back home again for the 8:30 meds. We did get a nice visit during the afternoon and had a nice dinner together. Mom told me after dinner that I'd been cooking for her now longer than she ever cooked for me. I guess that's true. I started cooking for the family when I was a teenager and Mom went back to work. I learned to cook that way and enjoyed doing it. Mom enjoyed me doing it too. I learned to cook for 5 people. I still cook for 5 people most of the time even though there is just the 2 of us. Leftovers are good!
Granddaughter Megan has been with us 2 nights as there was no school on Friday. She'll be back Monday after school as there is no school on Tuesday because of the Presidential primary elections in Maryland. She has off the following Monday too for President's Day.
A close family member had eye surgery on Monday but seems to be recovering well. There are still some residual problems there, but hopefully they can be resolved.
On Thursday when I was waiting for Megan to get home from school I noticed that there were buds on some of the trees and some jonquils had pushed out of the Earth by about 2 inches. Spring will come again!!
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