Out Like a Lamb - 3/31/07

Today I'm feeling sad for some reason. It started last night, late. I'm not sure if this is "mine" or not. Some of it feels like its attached to someone else. Yesterday I had a phone conversation with a woman whose husband was recently diagnosed with ALS. I've been asked to make myself available to provide energy healing for this man. I decided that I would if that is what he wants to do. The conversation with his wife was so she would get a feel for me and would trust me to enter into their journey. I know being the wife of a cancer patient that I need to be comfortable with who my husband is interacting with too. As we were talking my tongue and lower lip began to tingle and feel weak and then she said "one of his symptoms so far is a slurring of his speech". I can tell I'm already keying into his energy field. Do I think I can cure this man of his ALS? No, I don't, but I do believe that healing isn't always about getting well. Sometimes its about living while you can and dying well. Sometimes its just about comfort and ease in the moment. I can not turn these people away.

My job for Saturday is to let go. Let go of this sadness that belongs to others that my own grief resonates so strongly with (I see that now); let go of the disappointment of the other night; let go of my fear that I am not enough and accept that spirit will use me for the highest good of those that I interact with.

Now the practical. I must fix something for my husband to have for dinner and then its off to visit my Mom for the afternoon. She doesn't need any groceries today, but I might stop by her store anyway to pick up things I forgot when I went to the store on Wednesday. I will play Loreena loudly and sing along in the car. I'm generally a happy and optimistic person and she will re-emerge as I go about my day.

Zip, Nada, Nothing - 3/30/07

First off let me apologize to those of you tapping your feet waiting for the outcome of my evening with John Edward the psychic medium. When I got home after 10:00 p.m. I was just exhausted and didn't have the energy to get on line to write the update.

I did not get a reading. It was still worth going just to watch John work. He is very, very good. I could tell that the people who did get a reading, really needed the messages they got. It was very interesting to me to note that not only did I see his aura the whole time, but both of my kids also did (even my skeptical daughter who wants none of this stuff).

It was very evident to me that my Dad was there with me. Let me tell you how. After he died, I was driving on the capitol Beltway one day and noticed a bright, huge, red pick-up truck driving ahead of me. On the back windshield was painted "Redz". My Dad's nickname was "Reds". My eyes were immediately drawn to a smaller red car next to the pick-up truck and I saw it had a license plate with triple sevens (777) on it. I suddenly knew that that was going to be the sign by which he would let me know when he was around me. Some might say, that is just Cheryl's imagination working overtime, but its not. There are just times when I have moments of clarity and know things that really don't leave any room for doubt. They just are.

On the way to the event last night just before we got there a car passed us with "777". So I said "Hi Daddy" just like I always do. When we were walking up to the event I heard crows cawing. When we got back home to my place, I drove to the back of the building to my son's car to let him out and there was another car with "777" on it. When I got inside the TV was on and a commercial was on showing a slot machine with "777" on it. Plus my son told me that all during the event he kept seeing a flash of light, slightly behind and above me. Dad was there.

So did I get my validation? Not in the way I was hoping, but definitely. I guess the acupuncturist was right; I really can do this for myself.

I'll probably post more later today as I have some other things to talk about. Right now I have some reading to catch up on (I didn't get a chance to read some of my favorite blogs yesterday).

I Could Kick Myself - 3/30/07

I may have made a big mistake last night at the John Edward event. I had thought at one point in the evening when John said "I have a man coming through who lost his leg. There is a "B" name connected to this" that he was talking about my Grandfather. Then he said "and there must be a connection to a Laverne or a Penny (he said he was seeing the actress Penny Marshall)". My Mother's Father was Bernard and right before he died he had a leg amputated, but I couldn't connect to the Laverne or Penny reference (although something about Penny was tickling the back of my mind). I didn't raise my hand and some other family managed to make those clues fit them. It turns out my Grandfather Bernard used to call my mom Penny I just didn't remember that. There were several times last night when there were similarities in families that then he focused in on and brought people through for all of them. I think this would have been one of those times. Can I say Damn on yahoo??

p.s. Although when I told my Mother about it, she was the one who told me about her nickname Penny, she was very touched that her Dad had come through. So maybe the message got through anyway.

Avatar Challenged? - 3/29/07

I'm usually pretty computer savvy, so I'm having trouble understanding why the Avatar feature isn't fully working for me. I can go in and create one and save it, but then there seems to be no way to get it into my personal pictures file. I've tried exporting and downloading and the only option that ever shows up is "Create and Avatar" not "Use an Avatar".

All right you experts out there that change your Avatars frequently, what are you doing that I'm not?

Today is a busy day a phone appointment at 10:00 a.m., a trip to NIH and then my trip to see the medium John Edward this evening. I don't know if I'll have any more blog time until late tonight. I hope you have a great day. If you comment with help or commiseration on today's plight, I will get back to you soon.

The Will to Live - 3/28/07

My Dad and my Daughter Christmas 1971

I'm torn today between blog topics. I started writing about health journeys but then I was distracted by someone else's comment on the will the live. I think that the health journeys will keep to another day.

We all know of couples, who after a long life together, die within a few months of one another. We probably also know someone who says "I'm ready to go, or I've nothing left to live for" and then within a short amount of time they die. What is the will to live and what does it take to sustain it? Do those who survive long periods of time after the death of a spouse love less? I don't think so. What do they have that the others don't?

Its my guess that the reasons are myriad, but it all boils down to whether you can still summon enough life force through you to keep the body alive. By that I mean that you have to have things to live for; things that are meaningful to you. You also need to feel that there is still more for you to do in this life. Its important for people to be more than just one thing; more than just a husband or a wife, more than a caretaker. Everyone should know themselves as a separate entity, with different goals and passions. The more depth we have as individuals the better we can survive losses, grief and aging.

Yesterday we did go for a short walk. It was really hard for me but I did feel clearer afterwards like I'd moved off some stagnant energy. It was hard because its all down hill or up hill; plus remember last Wednesday when I gained 25 lbs at the doctor's office! I need to do more walking to build my stamina back up. Today was about doing errands.

Tomorrow will start early and end late. Its a busy day. I've had to lower my expectations for seeing the medium John Edward tomorrow night. My acupuncturist said she didn't think he'd have anything for me because "I can do it for myself". I hope she's wrong about that. I really want my Dad to come through.

Enjoy your day. Its 20 degrees cooler here today than yesterday, but still a beautiful day.

Family Ties - 3/25/07

Today my Mother and I drove up to a little town outside of Gettysburg, PA, to attend a birthday party for my Aunt Mary. Several of my cousins were there and some of their children, and their children's children. The two newest members of the family were there as well. My cousin's granddaughter Mya, and one of my other cousin's (she's the same age as my daughter) little son Luke. Babies are good to be around and these two were very happy kids. My Mom especially loved seeing the little ones.

My cousin, the 1st grade teacher, told me she reads my blog everyday. I said "I hope you don't tell the rest of the family about all the weird stuff I write about." She said "no, just the family stuff; but the rest of the stuff I totally understand." I always thought she sensed things too. We'll have to have a talk one of these days about that.

On the way home we stopped by the cemetery but Mom didn't want to get out of the car. I think she was tired and it was foggy and she didn't think she would see well enough to walk. I went by myself up to my Dad's grave and had a little talk with him.

The picture is of my Mom's family (all except the last brother who probably wasn't born yet). My Mom is second from the left and her Mother is the woman on the right side tending to the littlest one.

I hope your night is dark and peaceful.

Is Mercury Retrograde Again? - 3/19/07

I finally did get my missing husband on the phone last night before I went to bed. Turns out he thought I wasn't going to call until 10:00 p.m. and it was noisy outside his room and he couldn't hear the phone ringing. When I finally got him, he was just starting to get worried about not hearing from me. (And NO the charge nurse did not tell him I called!) So this morning I was supposed to call him about 11:00 a.m. and damn if it didn't happen again. I finally got him about 12:30 this afternoon (he'd been sleeping part of this time and dialing the wrong phone number the other times he was trying to reach me). I told him, from now on you call me, I'm not calling you and I made sure he had the right number.

He got the first dose of the drug this morning and so far is feeling no ill effects from it. He's in good spirits. (I seem a bit cranky though don't I?) A chaplain visited this afternoon while I was there and prayed with us. I believe she was a Rabbi. We were also visited by a clown who gave us both fake noses (I kid you not).

I had a bright idea while I was at the hospital. I called the patient library and asked if they accepted book donations and they do (yippee!) so I'm going to take some books that I've read and have no place for over there tomorrow.

I got back home about 8:00 p.m. this evening and grabbed a quick dinner of split pea soup with some cheese and crackers. I'm wiped out and will probably go to bed early. Have a restful night.

Where is the In-Patient??? - 3/18/07

This afternoon I took Warren to NIH so he could be admitted as an in-patient. He'll be there for the next 8 days (I think). I left the hospital at 6:30 so I could come home and get my dinner. He said call him at 8:30. So I did, and at 8:40, 8:50, 9:00, 9:10 and 9:20 (so far). He's not answering. I know that he's probably sitting in the bed sound asleep and the volume on the phone ringer was probably left low by the last resident of the room. I should have checked that before I left (my bad!). So now he'll probably wake up at 11:00 or 12:00 and think I've been abducted by aliens or killed in a horrific car crash and worry all night. No, he probably won't think to CALL ME (but maybe I'm wrong).

Well I just gave up and called NIH Directory Assistance and asked to be connected to the 3NW nurses station, and the woman who answered said he was probably asleep. I said I need to let him know that I got home OK or he'll wake up and be worried. She said the charge nurse would tell him I called. OK, everyone in this room who believes that, please raise your hand. Hmmm. That's what I thought too, he's not going to know I called. She probably wasn't even listening when I said my name or his room number. You know you can tell by the way people sound like you've annoyed them by calling. I'm going to have to kick his ass or maybe that woman's that I just talked to (oops pardon my French).

Tomorrow I will be cranking up the volume on that phone or taking him his cell phone. Did I mention he's hard of hearing?

Breathe Cheryl. He's fine, you're fine. All is well. Have a good night everyone.

The Memories Underneath Your Memories - 3/17/07

I was reading something in a book yesterday about how you can hold on to really great moments in your memory by having a touch stone for the experience. One of the examples was a man on a mountain climb who stops near the top and rests. He notices the cold air, the sound of the wind, the smell of the wild flowers. He sees the panorama that is spread out below him. He picks up a small rock and is drawn to smell it. “…its strong musty odor triggers a flood of ancient memories. I get a sense of how long it must have rested in this place, the eons it has been here.” He uses that small rock now as a touch stone that takes him back to that time and place. Those words triggered a new line of thought in me. It made me wonder if we all have ancient (ancestral) memories underneath the memories we carry in this lifetime. If we do, can we access them? Is there already something there before we build our experiences on top of them?

I have a very specific memory from childhood. It is summer and I’m with my two younger brothers. We’re exploring some woods on the other side of the cow pasture on my Grandfather’s dairy farm. We come across a small stream that has a shallow clear pool of water. We decide to take off our shoes and wade. The water was surprisingly warm and so clear. The place was so magical that I often wonder if that memory is real. I’ve never asked my brothers if they remember it. Every time I’m dreaming and see clear water I become aware that I am dreaming. It’s almost a portal to lucid dreaming for me. Now I just have to figure out how to stay there, once I realize I’m dreaming. I guess my question is what is it about that place and time that resonated so deeply? What pre-sets our subconscious to respond to one type of experience over another? Is it past life associations or something from the blood line that carries down through the generations?

So many questions, so few answers. I hope you are enjoying your St. Patrick’s Day in style. I am well rested today and glad to be back.

Sorry Brain Dead - 3/16/07

Sorry no blog today I am totally brain dead. We got up at 5:00 a.m. to go to NIH driving through a heavy downpour. We got home about 3:00 p.m. driving through sleet. I fell asleep right after dinner for several hours and am getting ready to go back to bed again. I did read your blog entries today but just didn't have enough brain cells to rub together to comment. I promise tomorrow I shall make up for lost time.

And to all, a good night.

Beware the Ides of March -3/15/07

We're back. Well so much for waiting a couple of months to get started in this new protocol. Indeed there were 4 people who qualified for this study, one is currently getting radiation, one has a problem with platelets at the moment and the other one is in Idaho, so Warren is the lucky ducky who gets to be first. First to be in the protocol, first human to receive this drug. We have to go back to the hospital tomorrow for a CT scan, chest x-ray, EKG, blood work and to sign the consent forms. He'll be admitted Sunday afternoon to the hospital and begin treatment about 10:00 a.m. on Monday. He'll have to be in the hospital for 8 days. At least this study won't require us to be at NIH so often (once the initial hospitalization is over). Its 7 pills over 7 days with 21 days off after. I'm sure there will be blood work weekly; but future pills should be able to be taken at home. Needless to say, he is feeling more chipper today now that he knows he'll be back in his "fighter" mode.

I think I need to spend some time over the next few days gathering in my own physical/emotional/spiritual resources in order to be ready to start again. This is the sixth time we're starting a new treatment.

Ides of March - 3/15/07

We are off to NIH this morning. I suspect all that will happen is that he'll sign consent forms for the new study and we'll find out when they will start him in the protocol. I'll check back later with that information.

I got an email health update this morning on a woman that I worked with for twenty years. She has metastasized breast cancer that is spreading rapidly. Its in her liver, stomach and bones. Her pelvis has a fracture and she's still working. Yesterday the doctor's told her she has about six months left but they will continue aggressive chemotherapy because she is such a fighter. She was one of the people I visited on Monday.

Later.

Puns Intended - 3/14/07

I went back to my old workplace again today (second time this week actually) to attend a lunch time meeting. Then I went to lunch with a friend afterward. The temperature got up to 80 degrees this afternoon too. What a great day to be out and about. Just so we don't get too used to it, they're calling for temperatures to fall back into the 30's by the end of the week.

Today I'm just going to post some things to tickle your funny bone. They have circled around in the e-sphere for awhile so I hope you haven't seen them too often. My favorite is #19. Enjoy.

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
says "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says
to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I
couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were
Standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After
about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to
disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh,
man, this is so bad, it's good) .... A super-calloused fragile mystic
hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns
to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Sun Catcher - 3/13/07

Isn't that an evocative picture? I saw in on an Australian's blog that I was reading yesterday. I just love getting these little glimpses into other people's lives. I'm not sure if its voyeurism or curiosity; perhaps both. I am reminded of how much we are all alike in so many ways.

One of the things I volunteered to do when I was working was to be a facilitator for "Diversity Dialogs". The concept of diversity dialogs was that a group of people would meet weekly for 6 months and discuss articles that were assigned reading. We would discuss topics like religion, ethnicity, sexuality, etc. The role of the facilitator was to create a safe environment for people to discuss their experiences, or opinions on the topics we discussed. Creating the environment was done with setting ground rules, managing the flow of the conversation by asking questions that opened further discussion as opposed to questions that allowed for yes and no answers, and also ensuring that no one voice or opinion dominated the discussion. This was all done with the goal of people being more respectful of others in the workplace; to help people bridge that gap in understanding others who don't look or act the same as they do. It was very rewarding work, and a lot harder than it looked like it would be. Some people are very resistant to expressing their opinions or talking about themselves in a work setting. I remember one participant who always said that when we discussed religion, he would not be there. So after one session I asked him why. He said, "Because I have very strange religious beliefs and I just don't want to get into it." I said, "You just think they're strange because you haven't heard mine yet." We both laughed and he said he'd think about it. So several months later we're in that discussion on religion and he showed up and said he was a Druid. People started asking all sorts of questions so I felt compelled to jump in and divert the conversation into other areas, but he said "No, it was fine he'd be willing to answer questions." His willingness to share his experience at such a deep level really opened up everyone in the room and gave them all permission to share their stories as well. I was so proud that I had created that space that made him feel safe enough to be there.

I was just trying to figure out why that picture brought this story today. I think its about holding the light and directing it to shine where you want people to look. Its about holding your power and knowing that we all make a difference in the world. Never underestimate the impact that you make on others. No life is insignificant.

p.s. It occurs to me that perhaps I should have let you know what the ground rules were for the dialogs: 1) Always be respectful; 2) what is said in the dialog doe not leave the room; 3) Be honest and open...those sorts of things.

Medical Zone Update - 3/12/07

Warren found out today that his blood results were such that he is eligible to participate in a clinical Phase I Study of Bactracylin (NSC320846) for solid tumors and lymphomas at NIH. As you may recall he has been in two previous studies there as late as the end of February of this year. He had already exhausted conventional chemotherapy and radiation treatments and the doctors (on the outside) had nothing more to offer him. A Phase I study means that this is the first time this drug will have been used in humans and they are testing for toxicity. It has shown some anti-tumor properties in the lab and in experimental animals. Three people have been approved for this study to date, but they are going to stagger their entry into the protocol, and vary the dosage as well so we don't know when he'll actually be starting this. We'll go in to see the doctors on Thursday this week so maybe we'll get more information then. I almost wish he'd wait to start a few months so that we could go to Florida in April or May while he still feels well enough to go. He of course is anxious to get going on some type of treatment again. We'll see what happens. They've already extended his life over a year and for that we are thankful.

Wake Me Up Early - 3/12/07

Last night I told my husband to wake me up early because I was going out to lunch with some friends from where I used to work. He thought that was pretty funny that I had to get up early for lunch. He said "So what time should I get you up?" I said "9:00 o'clock will be fine." Well that just elicited more laughter from him. He just shook his head and went off to bed. I sat up until 2:00 a.m. so I wasn't really ready to get up at 9:00; but I did. After lunch I went back to the old office to visit with my co-workers and I didn't get out of there until about 3:30; just in time for rush hour traffic! I had a lot of people to check in on!

It was great to get out of the house and see friends. I don't do that often enough.

I might get back on here later for something more substantial, but if I don't, enjoy the rest of your day.

Permanence - 3/11/07

I'm always amused (well, sometimes not) when people assume permanence in their lives. I was reminded of this today looking at the pictures on Tomlin's blog (http://360.yahoo.com/profile-hh0ZOVoldKscPmq2elzSSlY-) of the devastation from Katrina. Experts had been predicting for years that the levee's around New Orleans would fail if the city took a direct hit from a Category 4 or higher hurricane. The city was built below sea level, surrounded by water! Is it because we always assume that it won't happen to us, or is it just a risk we take to do/be/or live as we wish to? Or do we put too much faith in the systems we build around us to support us. We believe that the power will always be on, the water will always flow from the taps, the toilets will flush and there will be food in our supermarkets to sustain us. But what if none of those things were true for long periods of time? We've seen with Katrina that there can be horrendous failures in the infrastructure. We've seen society very quickly spiral into chaos. How can we maintain our tissue-thin belief that all will continue to be OK for us forever? Perhaps its time to change our mind-sets; to become more prepared to care for ourselves, or at least know how to if needed. Now I'm not suggesting that we all move to Montana in little survivalist camps; because quite frankly, if it gets that bad, I don't want to survive! I think that we'd all be better served to focus our intent to create a world where there is peace, clean air, clean water, and "love between my brothers and sisters all over this world". (Yes I am a child of the sixties.)

You might want to look at Cat's blog today too ( http://360.yahoo.com/profile-WZgeMCEyerK.6hQOTJ.hsx4-?cq=1) as it appears that she and Tomlin both provided the inspiration for this particular entry today. And to think I was going to rant about Daylight Savings Time.

Which Tarot Card Am I? - 3/10/07

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Was it Friday Yet? - 3/9/07

This is one of those days where I just don't know where the day went. I got up, took my meds, waited the obligatory hour then made breakfast. About 1:00 we went over to pick up a prescription for Warren, gas up the car and then pick my Granddaughter up after school so she could spend the night. However, there is a lot of downtime in-between all that that just seems to have disappeared. I wish I could say I was lost in a book, but I wasn't reading. Well, that's not exactly true, I spend a lot of time every morning reading my favorite blogger's latest entries. Sometimes I sit and wait for them to post. I may be addicted to Yahoo 360. I'm sure there is a 12-step program for that!

On the NIH front, they still haven't gotten the results back on Warren's blood test. To refresh your collective memories, its the test to see if he'll qualify to be in a particular study. He'll call again on Monday to see if there is any news.

Warren and Megan wanted quesadillias for dinner so I made them chicken and cheese ones. There wasn't enough chicken for three, so I made mine with leftover salmon. (Note to self: Don't ever, ever, ever make a salmon quesadillia again!) Another one of those combinations Mother Nature never intended.

Tomorrow its off to Mom's for the afternoon. It should be warmer and I think they're calling for rain, but later in the day. I'll take my new CD along so I can crank up the volume in the car and really get a feel for the music.

All in all an OK day. The universe is really granting me a lot of time off right now. I'm beginning to wonder what it has in store for me (read that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop again); but no I won't go there. I will just enjoy now and try to figure out what colors to paint where.

Enjoy your evening, your weekend and your life. See you later.

Paint the Town Red or at Least My Living Room - 3/8/07

I'm sitting here this evening with the laptop in my lap, and my new Loreena McKennitt CD playing on the aforementioned laptop. I think I have to agree with Cat, my favorite so far is also "Kecharitomene" (Greek for full of grace), and it's an instrumental! The whole tone of this CD is more somber than I anticipated. It gives me a feeling of peace. She has the most beautiful voice. I swear if I don't have a fine singing voice in my next lifetime, I ain't coming down here!

This afternoon we took a trip to the Home Depot. Warren was looking for wood drilling drill bits and I wanted to look at paint chips. We both wanted to look at flooring. You wouldn't think that we'd need to be thinking about that after only 3 years here, but I had a little mishap with the vacuum cleaner in the kitchen. Somehow or another something in the vac peeled two small white holes in our dark vinyl floor. They look like vampire bite marks. My brother said I must have done it on purpose to get a new floor, but I swear I did no such thing. I was perfectly happy with the one I had. I brought home quite a few paint chips; several deep saturated reds (my favorite color), some golds, oranges (yes orange) and some deep blues. I am always, always attracted to dark colors. I know this about myself and so when we were picking out the finishes for this place I purposefully chose beige and cream finishes except in the kitchen where I got black Corian counter tops (with ivory cabinets). I didn't want to be re-creating all my other homes in this place; I wanted to create something new and different; and now I want to paint. Women! The current flooring in the kitchen looks like a dark walnut wood floor but its vinyl. I may go for a laminate with a new one because I like the look of the wood in that room. I want my home to feel magical when you come in the front door, but I'm not sure what that looks like.

We also stopped in BJ's (like Costco - sells in bulk) so that I could look around. My husband has a membership but I'd never gotten over there when I was working. I didn't buy anything but we did look at large screen TV's (yet again).

It was good to get out in the sunshine and I got a little exercise by walking around the two big stores. All in all a good day. I hope your night is peaceful and quiet and that your internet connection is flawless.

For Cat - 3/6/07

Did you know that Loreena had a new CD out? I caught her on PBS last night and saw this. Just a heads up for you.

For Maggie - 3/6/07

This is for Maggie who hates the "Barbie" message. This Barbie is more modest and perhaps is the other side of the pendulum swing from how we experience Barbie here. I mean no disrespect to any religious group by posting this, seriously.

Holding Back the Snow - 3/6/07

I gave some thought today to what I wanted to do with the rest of this week. We're hoping that next week Warren's new treatment plan will get rolling and he may actually get admitted to the hospital (NIH). I'm torn between getting out and visiting friends and staying put. Tomorrow they are calling for snow all day. I'm scheduled to get my hair cut, but if we get more than a dusting of snow, I'll probably just re-schedule. I know, I'm a wimp! I think I may try to meet some friends for lunch on Thursday or Friday if I can round up a few takers. I'm trying to focus on doing what I feel like doing right now and not on what I should or must do. It will be time for the shoulds soon enough.

This hardly seems worth posting. Its not funny or thoughtful or even weird. It will just have to do for tonight.

Enjoy your evening.

The Engineer's Wife - 3/5/07

Apparently my blog from yesterday weirded my poor husband out a little bit. You'd think that after 25 years of living with me he'd be used to all the strangeness that I bring. He is/was an electrical engineer so there is no room in his paradigm of the universe for spirit communication and visits. Its not that he doesn't believe me when I tell him the things that I experience; but he is adamant that he doesn't want to experience them as well. Get used to it sweetie I have a feeling that its only going to get worse!

We went to NIH today for our monthly ENT visit. They did an examination and asked some questions, but still didn't find any palpable signs of the new cancer in the neck that the last CT scan showed. We did find out that the new study has been approved but Warren's blood test isn't back yet to ascertain whether he'll be eligible to participate. We don't go back there until next Tuesday, but we may hear the test results by Friday. If he gets in the study he'll be admitted as an in-patient for the first seven days. Oh joy.

I started a new book today; Carolyn Myss' "Entering the Castle - An Inner Path to God and Your Soul".

Review - posted on Amazon.com
"Entering the Castle is...based on St. Teresa's seven interior mansions, which are explained and elaborated here...so beautifully, clearly, compassionately, lightheartedly, wondrously...[as] seven steps...to your own deepest self or soul. Teresa became not only a spiritual woman who had written a brilliant practice manual, but a saint who saved Caroline life, showed her her soul, awakened her heart, and set her on the never-ending...timelessly fulfilled road of practice. I just know that Teresa would say 'amen' to this luminous book as the fruit of her calling to you, a calling to all of us to be mystics without monasteries in a world sorely in need of a touch of the divine...the true self in each and every one of us."

-- From the foreword by Ken Wilber, author of A Brief History of Everything and Integral Spirituality

This has been a windy, busy then quiet day. Tomorrow I must plot out how to best take advantage of the rest of my probably last free week for awhile. Once he gets back in the hospital it will get hectic again. Enjoy your evening. Goodnight.

Did You Hear That? - 3/4/07

If any of you have been following my blog for a little while, you know that one of the things I've set an intention for is the gift of clairaudience. I was surprised today by a development in that area. I had taken a nap and was in a very relaxed place upon awakening. I saw an arm with a large hand-held bell which was rung up and down. It seemed important for me to listen for the bell. The bell was rung three times and after the third time, I clearly heard with my left ear the tinkle of a (albeit much smaller) bell. I was very pleased with myself. Baby steps Cheryl, but steps none the less. I've included a definition for clairaudience below because it contained a piece of information that I had never seen before; that is its an ability of the fifth chakra. Hmm, perhaps that's why I had that curious vibration in the throat the other night when I had the spirit visitors. Very interesting!

"Clairaudience or clear hearing is the ability to hear spirit-to-spirit communication. Like telepathy, it is an ability of the fifth chakra (a spiritual energy-center located in the throat area) and involves communication independent of physical vocalizing. Telepathy is usually seen as communication between spirits in bodies. Clairaudience is a more all-encompassing term that describes the ability to hear spirits regardless of whether or not the spirits have bodies."